The Uncouth Sloth - born 2002, died 2006. R.I.P.

12/15/2005 02:22:00 PM by Rob

Bloodrayne

Whew!! Gotta make a note to myself to do something about them callouses on my fingers.

The All-Majestic Grand Furious Five - Midwest Region is in its second round, but I happened to see the trailer to "Bloodrayne", the latest "straight-from-PS2-to-cinema" masterpiece. Try, master-bation-piece.

Who in the name of fuck is the redhead??!?!?! Ok, it's Kristanna Loken, and she's not really Red, but she's in the Grand Majestic Five for now.

Sweet Creamy Butter, she be fine.

12/15/2005 10:05:00 AM by Rob

One more thing...

Does anyone else watch "The Christmas Story" thinking Darrin McGavin way, WAY outkicked his coverage with Melinda Dillon?

12/15/2005 09:19:00 AM by Rob

I'm going to make Chuck very mad at me

I'm going to make a lot of people mad at me. Big fukkin deal. I'm going to take the contrary viewpoint, because something about it just feels right to me.

Let me be on the record as saying I would be in favor of trading anyone on the team (exc. Lee, Ram, Z, & Pierre) for either Manny Ramirez, Adam Dunn, Miguel Tejada or Bobby Abreu. But, barring that, I would rather go with the scenario outlined by Paul Sullivan (below) than bringing in Preston Wilson or someone of his ilk.

Maybe this is all just a ruse to try to convince management to trade for Carlos Lee. If so, I'm all for that, too.

Pierre in center, Patterson right?
Ex-Marlins' arrival might not mean end for enigmatic Cub

By Paul Sullivan
Tribune staff reporter
Published December 14, 2005, 9:34 PM CST

Juan Pierre was acquired to take Corey Patterson's job in center field, but it doesn't necessarily mean the Cubs will trade their enigmatic outfielder.

After Pierre's introductory news conference Wednesday at Wrigley Field, general manager Jim Hendry disclosed he would offer Patterson arbitration next week and might give him the right-field job in 2006.

Hendry continues to search for a left-handed-hitting outfielder to replace Jeromy Burnitz, but nothing appears imminent. He has spoken to the agent for Minnesota free agent Jacque Jones, who is seeking a three-year deal and reportedly has a three-year, $15 million offer from Kansas City. Jones probably would have to settle for a one- or two-year deal with the Cubs.

"I've given [the agent] our level of interest and told him we have some trade possibilities," Hendry said.

Jones is a career .279 hitter and averages a strikeout every 4.7 at-bats. Patterson is a .252 hitter and averages a strikeout every 3.9 at-bats.

But Patterson's potential, despite a .215 season and a demotion to Triple A, gives Hendry pause when considering a trade. A handful of teams, including Texas and Arizona, briefly showed interest in Patterson, but the Cubs would rather give him another chance than deal him for low-level prospects. As Exhibit A they can point to Derrek Lee, who hit .233 and .206 for Florida in 1998 and '99, when he was about Patterson's age, before blossoming in his late 20s.

The Cubs hope Pierre, the quintessential leadoff man and team player, could help Patterson become the player the organization always believed he would be.

"I always have been a guy who has had to prove myself," said Pierre, who will wear No. 9. "Taking a day off, in my mind, gives another guy an opportunity to take my spot.

"I can do something every day to help the team win. Of course, there are going to be 0-for days, but maybe I can make a catch and save a run or put down a sac bunt."

Hendry still has a couple of trade proposals on the table, but the availability of left-handed-hitting corner outfielders with power is limited.

The New York Mets are unlikely to deal Cliff Floyd unless they obtain Boston's Manny Ramirez, which appears unlikely. Former Cub Luis Gonzalez is available because Arizona has a surplus of outfielders, but Gonzalez will earn $11.5 million in '06, so Arizona probably would have to pick up a significant part of his salary.

If the Cubs exhaust their search for a left-handed hitter, they could sign Washington free agent Preston Wilson to a one-year deal. Wilson's agent has informed the Cubs they're his top choice and that he would love to play for Dusty Baker. But the sides haven't spoken since before the winter meetings, and Wilson remains a secondary option.

The Cubs might not want to tie up their corner spots for the long term.

Floyd becomes a free agent next year and has told friends he would like to end his career back home in Chicago. Another possibility in 2007 is Milwaukee left fielder Carlos Lee, who kept his home in Chicago after being traded from the White Sox and still harbors a grudge against Sox general manager Ken Williams and manager Ozzie Guillen. Unless the Brewers sign him to a long-term deal, Lee's top choice as a free agent would be returning to Chicago with the Cubs.

While the Cubs are concentrating on finding a right fielder, questions remain on whether Matt Murton is ready to handle left field full time. Murton hit an impressive .321 in 140 at-bats after being called up in July with only 78 games of experience at Double A. But Baker played him primarily against left-handers in the early going, and his average slipped after being given the job in September. He wound up hitting .261 against right-handers.

Hendry also called Baltimore on Tuesday regarding shortstop Miguel Tejada, but the Orioles are inclined to keep Tejada.

psullivan@tribune.com

Wednesday, December 14

12/14/2005 09:20:00 AM by Rob

The White Sox just won themselves another pennent

They only had to trade a broken-down has been, a prospect, and a never-will-be for javier Vazquez.

Gee, I wonder who else has a broken-down has-been who wouldn't have minded playing out the string in Arizona?

If Hendry doesn't end up with Abreu or Dunn by Opening Day 2006, he should be fired.

Tuesday, December 13

12/13/2005 03:59:00 PM by Rob

Wanted - to Buy

One Ryne Sandberg poster, circa 1985, put out by Nike, entitled "Cornerstone", which looks something like this:

This is off of a t-shirt currently on sale on eBay. That's nice, but I want the poster. I had it for yeeeears, until wife #2 threw it out. It had gotten quite tattered. It need not be in mint condition, just somewhat presentable. I plan to display it in my new Cub Underground Bunker.

Contact me at ribeyerob@yahoo.com

I thank you

Friday, December 9

12/09/2005 10:52:00 AM by Rob

Nobody is indispensable

The one on the left is Miguel Tejada. Perhaps, the one on the right is also named Miguel Tejada, I'm not sure. But it's the man on the left that concerns me.

He is a man who happens to be the best shortstop on the planet. Yes, A-Rod, you, too. We should have signed him two years ago, when we had the chance. But the great big thick 800-pound Ape, Sammy Sofa, took all the money. Even more annoying, a do-little named Alex Gonzalez took a good portion of whatever money was left in the Tribune's niggardly Baseball Salaries Budget. I wasn't paying particularly rapt attention in B-school, but even a dense fog like myself understands the notion of a Sunk Cost, and AGon was a sunk cost if ever there was one.

If the Cubs braintrust had an ounce of brains or guts, Mr. Tejada would be entering his third year under our employ.

Well, seems that Mr. Tejada is unhappy with his lot in life with his chosen employer, the Baltimore Orioles. But you know this. You probably also know that if things go like they usually go in our world, he will be traded to the Red Sox for Planet Manny.

But this doesn't HAVE to happen. If Jim Hendry can push his ass away from the table, and do something a little different, it is WE who can have Miggy Tejada.

One thing you have to chew on, and quickly. Why is this guy bitching about being an Oriole, 24 months after he took their megamillions? His teammate Melvin Mora suggests that Miggy's beef is in the lack of pitching. His boss is always throwing money at the offense (like what happened to himself). So, do we want this crybaby?

In a word, yes. He's right, he couldn't be more right. Perhaps he could have been a bit more stoic, yes. But getting him, and lumping him in there with Ramirez, Lee, and Pierre, makes the lineup almost Dusty-proof.

So who do we trade for him? It has been chopped and diced every which way over at Desipio, and the consensus seems to be that Lee, Ramirez, and Zambrano are the untouchables here. Big Z goes without saying. Lee did too much for us last year for us to reward him with a one-way ticket to Baltimore. Ramirez? Even though he's hamstringy, he's the best 3rd baseman we've had in 30 years, and as Andy said, using him to get Tejada is like digging an unfillable hole to fill another. You can also stick Juan Pierre in this category, too.

Henry Blanco, aka Hank White, is also off limits. If you have to ask why, then I guess you and me aren't sitting next to each other in church anytime soon. Church!

What about Prior? The Franchise, the fran-cheezie? Doubtless, if Prior was shipped there, he'd suck. I know that in every fiber of my being. So, trade, right? Well, that depends on whether you feel that Prior is going to win 20 with US someday? I'm not so sure, anymore, and I have company. There are many others who still have faith in him, and I'm afraid, rightly or wrongly, that Jim Hendry still deems him untouchable.

Me? I'd fight it real hard. I'd offer up everyone else first, Corey, Walker, Cedeno, Neifi, Barrett, Murton, Pie, Hairston (ha!), Guzman, Rusch, Williams, Dopriak...but if all else fails, I'd do it.

Does that mean that Prior is no longer the Franchise?

Yep. Until he wins 20, he can't use that nametag anymore. Honeymoon's over, dude.

Thursday, December 8

12/08/2005 03:16:00 PM by Rob

Still no surge of joy

It is a little known fact, in fact, I fucking SCOUR the interweb every day looking for Cubs news, and I only found out today...anyway, it is a little known fact that Jose Macias is no longer in pinstripes.

Yes, the worthless pieceashit gremlin is gone. Now Dusty won't be compelled to play him. Shit, that makes me feel better than knowing that Juan Pierre is here.

Right now, the middle infield consists of in its entirety: Neifi!!, Todd Walker the Writers' Friend, Ronny Cedeno, and Jerry the Lesser Hairston. Hairston and Neifi!! would comprise a hell of a bench, if the Great Motivator, Mister Tee Tree Stick himself, could work it out so everyone was happy and pulled together.

However, you just know Hendry is planning on trading Walker, and getting Neifi!! the 500 at bats he wasted last year for us. Actually, that's not fair. Maybe 50 of the ABs were ok.

At least Hendry traded our so-called prized prospects, rather than lose them in Rule V.

Wednesday, December 7

12/07/2005 02:35:00 PM by Rob

Can I make a quick point here?

Shakira.

Hot, hott, HOTT chick.

HORRIBLE, miserable, dreadful singer! Jeezus H. Beefslaughtering Christ, her "songs" sound like cattle being killed in a rather inhumane manner. I figured it might have been a function of Spanish being her first language, but I heard her on "La Calle" the other day. She's even more bovine-sounding in her native tounge.

I guess when you look like THAT, especially in Latin America, guys will do whatever it takes for you, even tell you that you sing well, and give you a recording contract.

12/07/2005 10:11:00 AM by Rob

...and, as a holiday gift, the Cubs send the Marlins a lovely meat tray.

The chances that at least one of the three pitchers we have sent to Florida will become a 20-game winner are far more certain than the chance that Juan Pierre will lead us to a pennant. Therefore, in terms of value, the Cubs have far overpaid for the 28-year-old basepath pest. I am bracing myself for the onslaught of fire to come from my more financially-minded brethren in Cub Blog Nation.

To me, it feels like too little too late. If we had managed to sign Furcal AND traded for Pierre, then I would feel much better about the daily duo at the top of the order. I would have the feeling that the Cubs' front office knew what it was doing, that they would stop at noting to win, and that we were destined to salvage something from the Dusty Baker era. With both guys, I would deem the lineup to be Dusty-Proof.

Of course, if we HAD in fact signed Furcal, then the Cubs would appear to be a much larger threat in the NL, and probably Florida would have insisted on even higher stakes for their centerfielder.

I know some of you are going to read this and shout: "Hey, Assrim! You begged for this guy for a year, now he's here, and yer still cryin'? We think you just LIKE being miserable."

Far from it, friends. I want to feel like the Cubs will kick ass and take names in 2006. I want to win, partly to convince Prior and Zambrano and Lee to make this their permanent baseball home, but mostly, because I'm starting to feel pains in my back, and joints, and at times, my chest. I want to see a winner before I kick it.

I just have to call it like I see it, and I honestly feel like Juan Pierre is nothing more than a consolation prize, and the key piece to Plan B.

Let's just see how Dusty, Sarge, and Gene Clines work on this guy, to try to get him to swing for homers, so he resembles Corey Patterson with a crooked hat bill.

Monday, December 5

12/05/2005 01:26:00 PM by Rob

Trending down

What a fuckin' weekend.

Actually, in real life, it was good. My wife and I are fixing up our basement, and we did a lot this weekend, and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We took most of our family downtown to see the lights, gorged ourselves at Bucca di Beppo, and my daddy bought me a new cell phone for Christmas. Yes, I know how gay that sounds.

But in the World of the Sloth, what? The Great Cheesehead is even WORSE than I thought he was, and the Bears not only won, but covered the seven, without scoring an offensive touchdown.

And you KNOW what happened to the Cubs already. Your general manager had to do ONE thing this winter, kids. Just ONE thing, and he was beaten to the punch by a brand new GM on a dysfunctional team WITHOUT a field manager.

First of all, I don't want to hear any more crap about the Cubs being a Destination because of Dusty Baker. That might have been true in December 2002. It isn't true, anymore. The Furcal fiasco proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Next, I don't want to hear any more shit about "we made a good offer, and the Dodgers overpaid". No shit? What planet do YOU sleep on? The BEST free agent gets the richest contract every winter, and almost always it is too much money. "Oh, but it doesn't always equate to a championship." FUCK YOU, Pollyanna!! Let's try it ONCE, ONCE!!! Then, you can say "told you so" if it doesn't work. Just for once in my entire life, I want to see MY team roll the biggest dice, and have the biggest balls.

SOMETHING is holding us back, somebody doesn't want to do what it takes to succeed. It is time we all resign ourselves to this conclusion.

People, just like 1969 and 1984, in the future, you're going to remember 2003 as the "good old days". That was the peak, it will always represent the summit of Prior's, Wood's & Zambrano's potential with the Cubs.

It just gets worse from here. I guarantee it. Three of the best starting pitchers to come through the system in the last half century, maybe the whole century, and the best we can do is getting to a game 7 of an NLCS. It all goes downhill from here. It isn't so much that Rafael Furcal has THIS much impact as a player, but I see the Acquisition of Furcal as a Concept. You can call it "Plan A"...for sure, the Cubs brain-trust did.

Lack of execution in the basepaths can lose you a game.

Lack of execution in the manager's shoes can lose you a season.

Lack of execution in the front office can lose you a generation.

Save yer pennies, now, so you can buy your Yankees Prior gamer and Braves Zambrano gamer in 2007.

Wood? Nah, we're stuck with THAT brittle fuckstick.

Friday, December 2

12/02/2005 01:44:00 PM by Rob

It's winter outside, but Summer in here

I figure that the Rafael Furcal matter (heh. He said 'furcal matter'), where supposedly the Braves are showing new interest, and the Dodgers are in on it, is all just posturing to hold us up for more money. So it appears it will take MORE than Ten Million $$$ American a year to sign this pud up. Many of you have balked, while Ivy Chat Chuck correctly opines that this is just the cost of NOT getting Miggy Tejada two years ago when we had the chance. Call it a "Bozo Tax" if you will.

We may not win it WITH him, but I guarantee that we WON'T win it without him.

I will cap off this abbreviated post today with the sad news that Summer Sanders, former olympian and current TV talking head, has fallen off of her perch as "Hottest Summer on Earth". This here is Summer Altice, a reeel tall drink-o-water who supposedly played volleyball, and who just happened to be all over the copy of Maxim I found last night lying in my son's bedroom. All the damn pages were wrinkled and crumpled, and (dare I say it?)...nah.

Here's a better look at her.

Hope you put your Benjies on the Packers this weekend. You can buy me a sody pop next time you see me.

Thursday, December 1

12/01/2005 10:54:00 AM by Rob

Women that grab me, that may not grab you

Part LXVII in a continuing series

Both of these chicks have some sort of Eastern Euro flava: Mariska Hargitay from "Law & Order - SVU" and former tennis star Martina Hingis:

If yer worth a damn in the world of perving, you know that Mariska's momma was Jayne Mansfield, who was the Jessica Simpson of 1962. Where did she get the fucked-up name? Dad was a Mr. Universe from Hungary.

Martina is a Swiss citizen, but I believe HER momma was Czech. I've jonesed on both these babes for years, way before Law and Order. Mariska is my age, and she's still smokin'. But Martina, Hingy baybee, don't ever, ever dye yer hair again. Makes you look cheap, washed out, and otherwise Lohanned...

Wednesday, November 30

11/30/2005 03:24:00 PM by Rob

EEEEEEWWWwww....

From ABC News:

EEEeeewwww! (This ain't THE guy, just some guy, with a horse.)

What was the last thing on the dead guy's mind? Probably, the horse's nutts.

Serves these pervalots right. I'm sure the horse went back to his buddies and said something like, "Shoulda seen it, Secretariat? Asswipes broke into my stall trying to shove Ol' Wilbur up they ass. I FUCKED 'EM UP, Alydar, I fucked 'em up reeel good. That mope's gonna be droppin' road apples out his belly button, now."

Five bucks sez the mpeg is somewhere on Dick Chaney's hard drive....

11/30/2005 08:50:00 AM by Rob

A rare money-making tip from the Sloth

The Packers are 2-9, the Bears are 8-3. The Pack have lost several winnable games, the Bears have won several losable games. If EVER there was a time when the betting line would be inflated in the Bears' favor, that time is Today.

The Packers are GETTING seven points.

Jeebus H. Breakdancing Christ...I am currently trying to convince my lovely, money-conscious wife that it would be worth taking a quick signature loan from our bank to pound Green Bay as hard as possible.

When it comes to Pro Football, I am as bad a bandwagon jumper as any of your Latent White Sox fans. I think the Bears will win 9-7, scoring on a Mike Brown interception return, and a late safety as Brett (get out the fork) Favre tries one of his half-ass flip laterals to Samkon Gado in the end zone after a Brad Maynard punt is downed at the one.

But the chances of the Bears scoring 8 more points than the Packers this week are as remote as my somehow taking a wrong turn in a Chicago snowstorm, pulling into the lobby of a Courtyard by Marriott, and somehow bumping into Claire Danes and Alyson Hannigan, and being invited into their room for a scorching three-way.

Bet the House, Sloth fans. You're welcome.

Tuesday, November 29

11/29/2005 03:40:00 PM by Rob

The Four Letter Sports Network dot com reports...

Jayson Stark reports that Hendry and his legions were wining and wining Rafael Furcal this weekend, and that the Cubs are regarded as the front-runners for his services.

Well...excuse me for not being completely estatic.

He IS the leadoff man I've been thumping for, having him means we WON'T have to see Neifi Perez stride to the dish 500 times this year, and if we really DO trade Todd (Mr. Microphone) Walker for Milton (Water Cooler) Bradley, that means that Ronny Cedeno will get to play, and we'll have our very own psychotic lunatic for the outfield. Hey, it worked for Jurassic Carl and the White Sox!

But I'm just a little depressed when we're pinning our entire hopes for next year and beyond on a documented alcoholic who drives more on the sidewalk than on the pavement. Am I just to simply accept that HIS evil is far lesser than a Steroidal Cheat or a Wife Beater or a Convicted Gambler or Todd Hundley?

Well, yeah, he's better than the Turd. I just wish he were a more complete player, and person, and thus a more comprehensive answer to what ails the Cubs.

11/29/2005 09:44:00 AM by Rob

John Mabry?

Really? Isn't Larry Biiiiitner available?

Seriously, what can he do that The Crimson Shin can't? I don't want that Ex-Cardinal loser in here. It's like you have an acquaintance, not really a friend, just some scumbag who's always drinking where you're drinking, and if a girl's been with HIM, then it doesn't matter, no matter how hott she is, you don't want to touch her ass with a 10 foot pole, for fear that his dick-crabs are gonna jump on YOU.

That's how I feel about any ex-Cardinal. You've been tainted. Even the Great Al PooHoles can go get fucked, he can take his 150 RBI's elsewhere, I don't wann-em.

Monday, November 28

11/28/2005 04:08:00 PM by Rob

Still don't feel like writing

idea stolen from BST:

HAVE YOU EVER:

Smoked a cigarette or tried it:

Once. I was nearly thirty. I was nearly blood-poisoned at the time.

Crashed a friend's car:

No

Stolen a car:

Nein

Been dumped:

Oh, Yeah. More than any of you.

Shoplifted:

They had so many many cool things at the department store I worked at as a kid, and there were so few few people watching over them. In fact, the people watching over them was....me! Bad mistake.

Been fired /laid off:

Forced to resign? Sure. Not at the department store, either.

Been in a fist fight:

Been a while. Actually, it was probably wife #1 when she was in the process of deserting me and the kids. She tried to run over me with her car. I then yanked her door open, and kicked her right in her fat ass. Good times.

Snuck out of your parent's house:

Not really my style.

Been arrested:

Nope.

Gone on a blind date:

Oh yeah. Met a girl in a 12-step program. Met nymphos, drunks, and my current wife.

Lied to a friend:

I can't recall any one time in particular, but I'm sure I'm guilty, because I'm a Sinner.

Skipped school:

Classes in college, but I was (also) a goody two-shoes in high school.

Seen someone die:

Nope

Been to Canada:

Several times, for a grand total of probably three hours in-country.

Been to Mexico:

Went to Cancun in '98. It royally sucked.

Eaten Sushi:

No. Haven't eaten fish bait, either.

Met someone in person from the internet:

Yep, most notably, Mrs. Sloth

Taken pain-killers:

I'm on 'em as I speak. I fear I burst a disc Saturday, trying to help Nick haul a treadmill into our house. Ow. Owowowowowowwww! He had already managed to get the new 265 lb. teevee in our house, and this thing was at least 50 lbs. lighter.

Had a tea party:

Not that I recall.

Cheated while playing a game:

Assuming golf counts, then yes, I have cheated while playing a game.

Fallen asleep at work:

Yep, quite recently, in fact, sitting up over my keyboard. Pathetic.

Used a fake ID:

Nope. Back in the day, there was no shortage of places willing to sell overpriced Old Style to a young man such as myself.

Felt an earthquake:

Last year, Nick burst into our room at about 3AM muttering about an earthquake. I asked him sincerely whether he was on drugs, because neither my wife or I had felt anything. The next day, it was all over the news. Sorry, son.

Touched a snake:

Yeah. I Didn't care for it, either.

Been robbed:

At gunpoint? No. Pickpocketed? Several times.

Petted a reindeer/goat:

In northern Wisconsin during one of my ex-in-laws' Vacations From Hell, we went to a petting zoo with nothing else better to do. Nick was about 2, and he grabbed a goat by the scrote. They are surprisingly strong for their size, especially when they're feeling sexually violated.

Won a contest:

The Knights Of Columbus Essay Contest of 1978. Good times. Free food.

Been suspended from school:

Nyet.

Been in a car accident:

Several small ones, nothing major. Was in a train wreck, too. Got on Channel 5 news for a brief moment.

Had braces:

Nunca.

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night:

Sh-i-i-i-i-t. I've eaten a half-gallon at one sitting. Why do you think I'm the Sloth?

Witnessed a crime:

I watch Steve Bartman steal the 2003 pennant from us.

Seriously, I've witnessed a few little things.

Swam in the ocean:

Sure. Skin feels funky afterwards.

Sung karaoke:

Tainted Love, oooh ohhhh oh oh, Tainted Love....

Paid for a meal with only coins:

Sure, only for the purpose of getting rid of a lot of change. Nowadays, my wife enjoys collecting change. So I don't get to, anymore.

Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose:

A partial list of things that have come out my nose whilst laughing:

Water
Milk
Coke
mushrooms
corn nuts
spaghetti
kool-aid
Shasta cherry

Been kissed under mistletoe:

We usually have mistletoe, and I usually am the kisser, not the kissee.

Crashed a party:

I never got invited to any parties as a young drunk. How do you think I got around?

Worn pearls:

I've given them, never worn them.

Jumped off a bridge:

Jumped off of cliffs in the old strip mine holes.

Ate dog/cat food:

Milk Bones are mostly grain materials. They won't kill you.

Kissed a mirror:

Sure.

Glued your hand to something:

I've had Super Glue incidents, but nothing like the dude from American Pie.

Done a one-handed cartwheel:

Puh-leeze?

Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours:

Do I look like I have a vagina?

Didn't take a shower for a week:

No, not even.

Picked an Apple off a tree and eaten it?

Many many times. Gotten the Green Apple Fast Steps, too.

Been told by a complete stranger that you're hot:

Just once. She was, too. I asked her out. We finally went out. She drank probably more than a case of beer that night. I never could figure out whether or not she was drinking to avoid remembering me, or if she was just a souse. When I pulled up to her pad at the end of the evening, I had one of them Pinto "Fuck Her. Fuck Her Brains Out" moments. She was SO hot. She was SO drunk. She would have, I think.

I didn't. Asshole. I hoped she would call me again. She didn't.

Thursday, November 24

11/24/2005 10:09:00 AM by Rob

That's nice

We now have Scott Eyre and Bob Howry, and we now once again have a surplus of pitchers with major league experience as both starters and relievers, who will never pitch for us.

Go get some hitters now, Jim. Use whatever you can.

Tuesday, November 22

11/22/2005 09:28:00 AM by Rob

Hard to be thankful when the bad news keeps coming

Yada yada...fat people die of heart disease, fat people get diabetes, fat people can't fit into theatre seats, airplane seats, ballgame seats. Fat people aren't taken seriously, get passed over for promotions, are more likely to suffer from domestic abuse, get picked last on the playground unless yer playing tug-of-war or team-smear-the-queer. You never get to be the top of the pyramid, so yer view is always on the bottom. Nobody gives you piggy-back rides, and what was most humiliating as a kid, back in the days before they developed small, powerful batteries, I always exceeded the weight limit on the really neet battery-powered cars my friends all had.

But, at least, I thought we had one small little advantage, that the extra fat would help shield and cushion our bones from breakage. Not so, according to a recent UK study. Fat kids are more likely to break bones.

Welllllll, no shit. These days, fat kids get to be cheerleaders, homecoming kings, and they get dates. In our enlightened times, you can be a fat pimp, pimpin' out his ho's for Twinkies. They make big fat Power Wheel cars for fat kids, they make big fat bikes with big fat tires, big fat skateboards and even big fat go-ped scooters that can sling up to 250 pound people 15 mph. Used to be, all a fat kid got to do was sit on the sidelines and be a spectator, maybe even be the water boy. So now, fat kids get to run as much as the skinny ones, and as they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

I always used to say that eating candy bars was Good for me...see? Milk Chocolate! It has milk, which has calcium, which is good for yer bones?? Everyone said I was wrong...I guess they were right.

Let us be thankful today that fat kids have as much opportunity as every other kid to break their bones playing. Also give thanks for what you have, and make sure to slip in a prayer for the troops in Iraq, who are sitting ducks for God knows what.

Friday, November 18

11/18/2005 09:28:00 AM by Rob

What he is, and isn't

The Cubs have signed Scott Eyre as their first free agent splash this offseason. Very well, he's not Mike (Sling Blade) Remlinger, he's had more than one good year, he's not 40 years old, he's not washed up. If all is well, he prevents Glendon Rusch from getting jerked around into a swing role, which has not gone well for him personally. The Eyre signing is as much about Rusch as for himself, because Rusch is a left handed starter with modest talents, and what appears to me to be a similarly modest intellect. He needs to "know his role", and if so, he can be a fairly successful change-of-pace fourth starter, after teams get their fill of Zambrano, Prior, and perhaps Kerry Wood, more likely Jerome Williams. Mr. Maddux (and I will only refer to him this year as Mr.) should be our fifth starter and de facto pitching coach.

We then have, what? Dempster, Williamson, Eyre, Ohman, Novoa, and Wuertz as our bullpen? I've seen worse, I guess. The Ice man is gone, and I suspect that Wellemeyer (or Ohman or Wuertz or Novoa) would also serve as part of the bait that we need to pursue a Kevin Mench from the Rangers, or a Juan Pierre from the Fish, assuming that we're NOT going to get into a bidding war for the Drunken Master Rafael Furcal...which hopefully means that Ronny Cedeno IS going to play short.

One more thing: Chuck mentions the Rule V draft as the reason why Jon Leicester was traded. Chuck provides quite a shocking list of some of the available bodies that are eligible to be chosen if they are not protected. These include ALL of the brightest names from our vaunted (overrated) farm system. After Eyre's signing, we have three open slots on the 40-man roster. Obviously, we'd like to have more, and you start to look at some of the names (Corey Patterson) who are currently taking up space.

Hendry needs to start dealing, fast, furious, now.

Thursday, November 17

11/17/2005 03:01:00 PM by Rob

I ain't dead

Or out having fun, or pouting over the Sux winning a world championship, or pouting because my kid isn't starting on his basketball team, or pouting because it is very very obvious to one and all that our Commander in Chief and the mystery VP who is dangling his puppet strings are both either too stupid to read between the lines, or what is more likely, have conspired to start a war for financial and/or personal gain, and have no desire to stop it.

No, I'm not pouting over any of that. I'm not pouting at all - in fact, life is just peachy. And real busy. I can't remember the last time I fucked off at work. All my free time is being spent either: 1) christmas shopping, 2) yelling at Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Illinois, or 3) applying for a job closer to home, which would actually be ANY job in an 8,000 square mile basis bounded by approximately Beloit, Moline, and Bloomington, Illinois.

When and if we in fact get Kevin Mensch, or Rafael Furcal, or Juan Pierre, or even Scott Eyre, I will get in here and philosophize. For now, enjoy little miss Nadine Velazquez from "My Name is Earl". That IS da Latino Heat.

Fast Eddie Guerrero, R.I.P.....

Thursday, November 10

11/10/2005 01:33:00 PM by Rob

I'm old, painfully old, brutally old!

Two in the pink, one in the stink?

In a scientific survey taken at work today, 0 out of 5 of us knew what the "shocker" was. My son has been doing this gesture to me for months, now, smiling evilly, and I figured there was some kind of joke behind it, but thanks to good old Richard Roeper, I'm in on it now, and thanks to your friendl purveyor of fine filth, soon so you will be.

The "shocker" is a hand gesture as illustrated not so much by JC, but much better by the UIC bimbos below.

Basically, and I have sat here for over 5 minutes with my hand in the "ring-finger down" formation, and have twisted my arm repeatedly and uncomfortably, but this is supposed to represent a method of female sexual stimulation. It appears the two fingers are inserted in the coin slot, and the pinky is stuck in the cleanout chute, as it were.

I personally do not feel that the pinky is going to contribute much to the party, but that could be because I have abnormally small fingers on my abnormally small hands for someone with 37 inch sleeves. I can't get any good lateral motion going with my pinky, while still maintaining some sort of movement with my forefingers. I guess, myself, I'd opt for a glowing buttplug or a spiny tikkler if that's what gets mama going.

Oh yeah, you thought I forgot the 2 vs. 15 matchup?

The 15 seed, Elisa Donovan, from "Clueless", vs the 2 seed, Nikki Cox, and if you don't know what Nikki Cox has been in, then, hell, you and me can't share a pizza and a pitcher.

Wednesday, November 9

11/09/2005 10:49:00 AM by Rob

Today's 7 v. 10 matchup

10 seed Alyson Hannigan from band camp, vs. 7 seed Kaley Cuoco from that show that John Ritter died on.

Tuesday, November 8

11/08/2005 11:50:00 AM by Rob

Congratulations!

My son was named to the All-Academic team in his conference, the NCIC, for this football season. We found out last night, and it was really a nice surprise!

Good job, Nick!! This is more important, to me, than if you'd made just the All-conference, because grades are a major component with this team. Thanks for hitting the books.

Just remember to keep wearing a rubber...

11/08/2005 11:32:00 AM by Rob

You think it was tough so far?

#16 seed and Playmate Vanessa Gleason vs. #1 seed and future Oscar-winner Jessica Alba. Sweat THIS one out, CZ's Dad...

Do I think re-signing Neifi is a good move? HellNaw!!

He's an outstanding backup infielder, perhaps the best on the market. He's getting backup money, so that's fine, too. If we could just shuffle Dusty Baker along, and hire a real baseball manager who WON'T be tempted to get Neifi 500 AB's...

But we're stuck with employee #13 for two more years...what are we going to do with him AND Walker AND Cedeno, especially if we also sign Furcal?!?

Monday, November 7

11/07/2005 03:03:00 PM by Rob

The Playoffs continue

BREAKING NEWS: muchas gracias to The Dude, who points out the story o' the weekend about the two Carolina Panther cheerleaders who were arrested for causing a brawl in the women's john in a Tampa club. What was the source of the concern? They had the toilet locked...because they were gettin' it on! I'm trying to picture the logistics in my head, all this going on in a john probably the size of a linen closet.

Now, I'm not as much into the lezzie love as most of us pervs are...and although I'm gratified that both of these young lap lickers are white, neither one does much for me based on their mug shots. Hell, I've seen better heads on some of them German porns that always have the two skaggs working on some guy with a forehead the size of Mt. Rushmore. It's always the same script - blond sucks him off as the brunette eats out the blond, then they switch, then the blond goes reverse cowboy while the guy sucks the brunette's tits, then they switch, then the blond does anal while the brunette licks the stick for max lub-a-cation, then they switch, then they both kneel down while Dorko jacks off in their faces.

Uh,

The Coalers manage to scrape up another playoff home game as they host Bloomington Central Catholic this weekend. The dogassed Morris Redskins did, too, but they get Joliet Central Catholic, instead...getting beaten like pups on their home turf...Good Times...

Hopefully the Good Times don't end this weekend, for the beloved Coaler will next have to travel to play 14-consecutive-year-state-champ Addison Driscoll on their consecrated ground. Too many Catholics to deal with.

Congrats to my cubicle buddy Shawn, as he and his lovely betrothed, Sara, jump de broom Friday afternoon. They've been living in sin for some time, though, so it won't be a total shock to his system. Just expect a little less of everything, mi amigo...

And now, the next bracket of the Grand All-Majestic Furious Five - Midwest Region

On yer left, the 14 seed, French model and actress, Josie Maran. On yer right, the 3 seed, "Wedding Crashers" babe and reigning champeen (redhead division), Isla Fisher.

Friday, November 4

11/04/2005 02:14:00 PM by Rob

What's with the Viking Love?

No, not the Minnesota Vikings, douche.

The Geneva Vikings, from Geneva High School in Illinois, tonight's opponent against the highly hated Morris Redskins. And WHY don't anyone crack down on Morris to change THEIR friggin' name?

As I have said, Whomever Plays Morris is my third favorite H.S. football team. My second and fourth favorite teams won last week, the Black Lung Coalers and Immaculate Conception, who beat Spring Valley Hall in a stunning 1 v. 8 upset in Spring Valley.

My first favorite team, of course, the beloved Corn Hole Trojans, spent this weekend at a couple of beer parties, one of which was busted by the local authorities.

GO VIKINGS!!!

11/04/2005 08:45:00 AM by Rob

The Dreaded 5 vs. 12 matchup

The Uncouth Sloth All-Majestic Five Midwest Regional

12 seed Adriana Lima (Brazilian model) vs. 5 seed Cheryl Tweedy (Girls Aloud)

True aficinados of the brackets know that the five vs. twelve matchup is the most likely to produce an upset. So I stacked mine up with the 12 seed as Maxim's sexiest woman 2005 vs. someone you've never heard of, from the British girl group "Girls Aloud", and FHM Europe's sexiest woman 2005.

Me, personally, I'll go with the Brit in this one, but this tourney is all about you, the loyal Sloth listener. That's why Rachel Bilson is moving past all-time Sloth fave Laura (Wide Lips 'n' Hips) Prepon to the next round.

What else...sounds like Rafael Furcal and the Cubs are saying all the right things to one another, so at first blush, sounds like Good Bye Nomah, Good Bye Neifi? I really wouldn't MIND Neifi if a) he'd take benchwarmer money, and b) he'd accept benchwarmer status, and c) Dusty would resist temptation to get him 500 ABs.

The only problem is, and please feel free to correct me, because I admit to not having watched a whole lot of Cubs v. Bravos lately, but guys like Perennial Sloth Fave Juan Pierre may not have the stats, but whenever we play the Flaky Fish, he drives me (and Cub pitchers) absolutely bonkers by getting on base and running wild on the paths. I don't remember feeling the same amount of pain while playing Furcal and the Braves. I WANT a true pain in the ass, like Lofton was in 2003. Is Furcal the guy? If you can promise me that teams will HATE playing us because of Rafael Furcal, then by all means, get him. Otherwise, I'd rather see Ronny Cedeno play short.

Finally, for Thorn and all you music purists...wanna come over to my street (mi calle) to rock some reggaeton? See, my younger son, the Napoleon Dynamite look-a-like, and all his little Mexican friends are all digging this group "Daddy Yankey". Their major hit song is called "Gasolina", which is like the "Stairway To Heaven" for reggaeton. It takes a reggae beat, speeds it up about 10X, thrown in some Spanish guitars, and it sounds like a psychotic chant that perhaps the seventh grade would be repeating while burning down their school. There is a radio station in town that specializes in "Reggaeton y mas", with real cool DJ's that shift between English and Spanish on a dime. Seems like its a whole new thing, and if and when some latter-day Eminem decides to take it and make it his own, it will be the next big thing, psychotic bi-lingual chanting over speeded up beaner music.

Just warning you...

Thursday, November 3

11/03/2005 09:28:00 AM by Rob

Juan Pierre is in fact NOT a free agent

Kids, never use anything else but mlb for roster research.

Oh well. We need to use anybody not named Zambrano, Prior, Ramirez, or Lee to go get him. So go get him.

Wednesday, November 2

11/02/2005 02:06:00 PM by Rob

This year's free agent market - what it could mean to YOU

BURNS = blonde, BURKE = brunette? I'm SO confused. The 8 vs. 9 game went in quadruple overtime, and Brooke Burke - the brunette, right? The one whose nippy is showing on my l'il webpage? The BLONDE did Bruce Willis? Jeezus, I'm fucked up.

Brooke Burke won. Told you it was confusing.

That's right, Juan Pierre is a free agent. I have seen enough of the Corey Patterson Movie, and I'm not ready for the Felix Pie Theatre, and neither is he, which is by far the more important thing. The #1 thing that has killed the Chicago Cubs the past two years is the lack of top-of-the-order offense, someone who is willing to set the pace, the tempo of the game. Someone who can make pitchers worry, catchers jumpy and infielders scurrying to and fro covering bases. We need a man that can do this, and on the free agent list, he is but one of three.

Kenny Lofton also needs work.

What about 2004 Playoff Hero Dave Roberts? Honestly, I don't remember him being much of a threat this year in San Diego, seeings how we swept them at Petco.

What about the other 2004 Playoff Hero, Johnny Damon? Too much. Just too much EVERYTHING surrounding this meat hook.

You can order your Pie if you want; he isn't coming this year. So if Hendry doesn't wind up with either Pierre or Lofton, then don't even worry about watching ANY games this year, it just won't matter.

Other free agents out there:

BJ Ryan, RP - we have Dempster, Williamson, Ohman, Novoa, and whomever doesn't start the year in the rotation in the pen. Um, yep. I think this one's worth looking at.

Kevin Millwood, Jarrod Washburn, SP - Well, we have the oft-injured Wood and Prior, the Indomintable Z, the withering corpse of Greg Maddux, Glendon Rusch, and Poi Boi Williams. ~~Not to mention the lush riches of starting prospects in our farm system~~ I'm not sure how much Williams brings in trade right now. I'm not even real sure I want to find out. Just wondering, what if Hendry grew some gigantic nutts, and decided to trade Prior or Zambrano for, like, Andruw Jones or Miguel Cabrera? Well, if so, then we'd need a Kevin Millwood.

Otherwise, we wouldn't.

Brian Giles, OF - I know he's 36, but is he better than Jeromy Beernutz? If so, then let's get him.

Richard Hildago, OF - is Spanish for "Rondell White". Who is out there, as well.

Hideki Matsui, OF - REALLY? In-treeee-ging. I know he's overrated because he's a Yankee, but he looked okay to me when I saw him. Can he play left field? That means the Great Matt Murton would be a fourth OF. I'm ok with that. I'm also ok with bringing back the Crimson Shin as our fifth OF/PH extraordinaire.

Billy Wagner, closer - I'm willing to ride it out with Dempster.

Once again, I'm sorry about the Burke/Burns mixup. I'll do better with the 4 v. 13 matchup:

13-seed Laura Prepon, "The 70's Show" v. 4-seed, Rachel Bilson, "The O.C."

Tuesday, November 1

11/01/2005 06:11:00 PM by Rob

The always close 8 vs. 9 game

It appears that Megan has held court, and will advance to the next round!

Imagine MY surprise today upon finding out that there is a Brooke Burke AND a Brooke Burns. Something like this would necessitate a 8 vs. 9 seed matchup, so, without further adieu:

The one on the left, our 9 seed, is Burke, younger, not as sleezy, and probably most memorable to me as the host of "Dog Eat Dog". The 8 seed is Burns (I'm sorry for the NSFW, and there are lots of pics, but this was the hands-down best), and she's older, and more experienced. She of course hosted "Rock Star INXS", but she tends to stick in my mind as a participant in the surreal, amazing cheezy Burger King chicken sammich commercial with the corpse of Hootie (from the Blowfish)

11/01/2005 10:08:00 AM by Rob

I'm in class today, so let's try this

2005-06 Grand All-Majestic Five Midwest Regional

Maggie Grace ("Lost") - 11 Seed vs. Megan Fox ("Hope and Faith") - 6 Seed

Please leave your votes in the comment section below

Monday, October 31

10/31/2005 02:48:00 PM by Rob

M.I.L.F.

Am I lying?

The Mighty Coalers were outstanding Friday night, gaining the ultimate revenge both on the scoreboard and the "soreboard" against the Hated Braidwood Comet. The records do not seem to favor the Coaler this weekend against undefeated Momence, but of course, Momence hosted the Corn Hole Trojans last year with an 8-1 record, on a cold, windy day, and we spanked them. How the hell did 5-4 Dunlap beat Momence at home? See, I told you they sucked. So I feel good for this weekend.

Favorite High School Football Teams:

1) Corn Hole Trojans
2) Black Lung Coalers
3) Whoever's playing Morris
4) Whoever's playing Spring Valley Hall

Memo to George Dergo: He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. One of these days, yer gonna leave yer boy in there for another of his 300 yard, 5 TD gorgefests in a typical Morris rout, and some blackhearted little bastard is gonna cut your son right in his fuckin' knees. I know where you're from, and the people you rep, but consider the source, and take it from me:

Have a Little Couth, Derg.

Thursday, October 27

10/27/2005 02:28:00 PM by Rob

This just happened...

This is what a blog is all about, isn't it?

As a couple of friends of mine and I were leaving our local pizza pub establishment after lunch, this, um, dude was stumbling towards us.

He was shuffling along, kind of the wasted "homeless" shuffle, except although he looked really bad, he didn't look homeless. He wasn't wearing, like, a dirty torn coat over a dirty windbreaker over a dirty hoodie. He was wearing a shirt like the one on the left. He was average size, puffy, dark curly hair turning gray, and I guess, he had a mullet, or as close to one as a curly assed Italo-Greek kinda guy could grow. He hadn't shaved, and as I said, he was wasted, or something.

We saw him coming from about six cars down, as we tried to undertake evasive action. We moved aside, but he slowly shuffled towards us, then we each took five steps to the right, and he changed direction again, so he ended up smacking his fat face RIGHT INTO one of the beautiful shiny pleather sleeves of my brand new Cubs varsity jacket.

Yeah, I kept it ree-uhl today, but as I have said, today's a day to be gracious, and I didn't want to engage. But this guy bellowed at me to "whuch wurra gong".

What? "Whuch werrya gongg".

Dude, I tried, you bumped into me. "Um gunna kickya inna crack. Fuggin CUBS!"

You're going to kick me in my crack? What the hell, let's watch him try. Ok, man, it's on.

So we watched him stumble his way around me, in order to get at my backside. Between my enormous girth and his glacial pace, it took him about six minutes. In the meantime, I had plenty of time to pose a defensive posture, but I didn't wanna spoil all the fun.

Finally, he corkscrews around like Paul Edinger, and swings a wild kick that misses my ass by about a yard. Of course, he falls in a heap, right in back of my car, so I have to wait for him to get up before I can back out to go back to work. Dude, go in and get yourself some coffee, and call your wife, mom, warden, whatever to get you home.

10/27/2005 08:42:00 AM by Rob

First of all, of primary importance to me & Carlos Zambrano's Dad

GUESS which little redheaded jailbait queen stars on a weekly sitcom called "Still Standing" on Wednesdays, 8/7 Central on CBS?

It doesn't look to be all that funny, so catch her while you can, CZ's Dad...

UPDATE: Renee Olstead's television credits include the series "She Spies," "My Guide to Becoming a Rock Star," "Reunited," "Out There," "Providence" and, on CBS, "Touched by an Angel." She has also appeared in the mini-series "Larry McMurtry's Streets of Laredo," and in the television movies "Geppetto" and "Deadly Family Secrets."

As a singer, she has released a self-titled CD. Her live performances have included appearances with Billy Joel, Elton John and Celine Dion.

Her feature film credits include "13 Going on 30," "Space Cowboys," "End of Days" and "The Insider."

Olstead was born in Houston and lives in Los Angeles and Texas. Her birth date is June 18.

And then there was one...

Misery loves company. There was always strength in numbers. We weren't the only ones in the same boat. No matter how bad we had it, someone else had it worse. How many other cliches can you name that served the purpose of providing solace to a person or people who were in a bad situation by pointing out that other people were just as bad off, if not worse?

Just like a good investor spreads his or her wealth around in a diverse portfolio, so were good Cub fans able to spread out their misery of not having won anything. Hell yes, we were bad, but so were our brethren in futility, White Sox fans and Red Sox fans.

The similarities overlapped on levels on the surface, and far deeper.

Until the Sox built the Comiskey Ball Mall, aka The Cell, aka The Joan, they had the oldest park in captivity, followed by Fenway, followed by Wrigley.

The names seemed to morph like the faces in them bad nineties videos: Chicago Cubs --> Chicago White Sox --> Boston Red Sox.

They all had a 'B' Curse: Billy Goat --> Black Sox --> Babe Ruth.

Sure, the White Sox would traditionally try to build their team with speed in their big ballpark, while the other two would try to load up on sluggers to take advantage of their bandboxes. But there was never enough pitching. All three teams managed to qualify during the recent watered-down playoff format, but each team suffered from bad managing (2000 White Sox), horrific luck (1986 Red Sox) or both (2003 Cubs).

I had watched a lot of baseball during my first 40 years on this planet, and as I have become a firm believer in the power of management, leadership, and last but not least, karma, I fully believed I would go to my grave with these three ancient franchises forever linked in their legacy of failure.

But you know what has happened since last year. If there be such things as curses, the Red Sox lifted theirs last year, and the White Sox lifted theirs last night. In the business, they call this LIFO, since the Red Sox last won in 1918, and the White Sox in 1917. So...if I catch my guess correctly, and I haven't been out to any of the Blue Kool-Aid swilling, rosey outlook websites today, I predict that the theme might be "It's Our Turn Next Year".

And it just might be. Who would have thought that the Soxes would have won anything going into these years? I mean, the Red Sox play in the same division as the Steingrabbers, they gutted out their front office, installed a geek as their GM, and hired the UberGeek, Bill James, to advise him. The White Sox were picked to finish behind the Twins, as they had for the past few years, and they are run by the red-assed Kenny Williams, who has been known to display his managerial acumen by going down to the clubhouse after losses and calling his players "cunts". He went out and hired the UberRedAss, Ozzie Montana Guillen, then they traded away 70 homers and 200 RBIs in Carlos Lee and Magglio Ordonez, and to top that, Frank Thomas and his potential 40/100 sat on his fat ass pretty much the entire season, except for one three week spree where he hit like 12 homers.

In other words, is it a coincidence that these two organizations completely changed their direction, and then they won?

Finally getting to the notion of us, die-hard bitter Cub fans, what do we have at the present? Dusty Baker, who just like his two immediate predecessors, in his fourth year talking like somebody is stomping down HARD on his scrotal sack. Same as always, Cuddly Cubbies Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Mark Prior, Kerry Wood, The Corpse of Greg Maddux and Ryan Dempster. The psychotic Carlos Zambrano is here, too, thank God. Sluggers and righthanded fastball pitchers. Same as it ever was. (Slap to forehead) Same as it ever was. (Slap to forehead) Same as it ever was.....

If we're going to emulate the performance of the recent winners, which seems to be all the rage in sports these days, then we need to take a fuckin' firehose to the front office and the clubhouse, and go in an entirely new direction. Go get some cybergeeks. Even better...go sell the fuckin' team to someone with an Ego, somebody with some competitive experience, someone who values wins and losses over profits.

Wednesday, October 26

10/26/2005 12:55:00 PM by Rob

I can't believe what I just saw....

I just can't enjoy this. Oh, it's not because I hate the Sox, because I don't. It just doesn't seem real to me.

Every time (Bears in '85, Bulls in '91, Sox today?) win a championship, it just seem completely surreal to me. I grew up and achieved a fairly ripe age believing that Chicago fans did not deserve to have a winner, and that it was impossible for a chicago team to win. Hell, the Super Bowl Bears threw me for such a loop that I went wandering down the center of a fairly busy thoroughfare (4th Street in Champaign, IL). I don't suppose that had anything to do with the plethora of party substances I ingested earlier that day.

I experienced similar disbelief when the MJ Bulls won their first title. This just didn't happen. Of course, after a while, we all grew a sense of entitlement about the Bulls. Is MJ playing? Oh, Well. They CAN'T lose.

So, watching every break, every bobble, every call, every event turn in favor of the White Sox, it just doesn't register. I honestly felt, and still at this moment, feel that I will NEVER see a Chicago team win a World Series. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I actually cared.

I guess the only reason why I would EVEN pull for the Sox is that they don't have Bags and the Beege on their team. The B&B Boys must be complete fags. Hell, Bags couldn't even stay married to the hotsie to yer left. Someone slapped the Beege's wife the other night? It was probably his boyfriend.

Home