11/22/2005 09:28:00 AM by Rob

Hard to be thankful when the bad news keeps coming

Yada yada...fat people die of heart disease, fat people get diabetes, fat people can't fit into theatre seats, airplane seats, ballgame seats. Fat people aren't taken seriously, get passed over for promotions, are more likely to suffer from domestic abuse, get picked last on the playground unless yer playing tug-of-war or team-smear-the-queer. You never get to be the top of the pyramid, so yer view is always on the bottom. Nobody gives you piggy-back rides, and what was most humiliating as a kid, back in the days before they developed small, powerful batteries, I always exceeded the weight limit on the really neet battery-powered cars my friends all had.

But, at least, I thought we had one small little advantage, that the extra fat would help shield and cushion our bones from breakage. Not so, according to a recent UK study. Fat kids are more likely to break bones.

Welllllll, no shit. These days, fat kids get to be cheerleaders, homecoming kings, and they get dates. In our enlightened times, you can be a fat pimp, pimpin' out his ho's for Twinkies. They make big fat Power Wheel cars for fat kids, they make big fat bikes with big fat tires, big fat skateboards and even big fat go-ped scooters that can sling up to 250 pound people 15 mph. Used to be, all a fat kid got to do was sit on the sidelines and be a spectator, maybe even be the water boy. So now, fat kids get to run as much as the skinny ones, and as they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

I always used to say that eating candy bars was Good for me...see? Milk Chocolate! It has milk, which has calcium, which is good for yer bones?? Everyone said I was wrong...I guess they were right.

Let us be thankful today that fat kids have as much opportunity as every other kid to break their bones playing. Also give thanks for what you have, and make sure to slip in a prayer for the troops in Iraq, who are sitting ducks for God knows what.

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