It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

The Sloth is not intended for younger or sensitive readers!

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Friday, August 3

The Underground Cubs Bunker - V1.1

Version 1.1 of the Bunker does not include HD. Right now, I am "making do" with a 36" Sony Trinitron SD flat screen tube. HD will arrive in V2.0.

V2.0 will also include the bricking of the fireplace wall, the installation of ivy and the construction of a "basket" to catch the home runs.

The 360 Degree tour starts in the southwest corner of the room. The highlight here is probably the 1976 team photo, with the massive Jose Cardenal and Davey Rosello afros.

The west wall features the 1990 "Grace Under Pressure" Nike poster that Wendy got for me - I have no idea where she found it.

Further along on the west wall - someone Wendy works with is an in-law to Milt Pappas. He signed for me, and he looked at me funny, so I just said four words to him: "It Was A Strike". It was all good from there....

The northwest corner of the room features "The Boys of Zimmer" poster, signed by 19 of the 1989 Cubs, including Grace, Dawson, Dunston...and also Rick Wrona, Steve Wilson and, yes, Domingo Ramos!!!

The north wall features an actual blueprint from the 1996 scoreboard renovation. Mark Prior autograph picture was actually 'in residence' in the bathroom (aka the Sosa Room for Losers) but Wendy shamed me to moving it back into the main hall.

This portion of the north wall features my favorite piece, the 1985 Nike Ryne Sandberg "Cornerstone" poster. This is actually my second copy, some bitch slut whore ex-wife of mine threw my first one away. Hope she fucking chokes on her rosary beads.

An embarrassment of richers here on the northeast corner - the neon, the scoreboard, but the best - the version of Che Zambrano - "Hasta la Victoria Siempre!!"

Starting on the east wall - the wool 1908 banner, the picture of me and Kid K. God bless him, and let him finish out the year.

More on the east wall - the (now) poignant Shooter Beck autograph, Mr. Cub's autograph from the drunken 1977 Cubs Caravan tour through Goose Lake, IL ("That's the way to hit the books"), and a nice magazine ad from 1970 where Bill Hands and Jim Hickman are showing off their new International Harvester tractors.

Southeast corner - Santo's autograph, Wood's autograph, and the Old Style clock I stuck under my coat in that bar in Oglesby ;)

South wall - probably the barest in the room. Still got Ryno's autograph HOF bat; a 1948 Wheaties ad with Phil Cavaretta, and Marla Collins' autograph (Love, Marla!!!)

More south wall - a shitload of autographs - Z, Maddux, Fergie, Kessinger, Jody! Jody! but the Cubs sign with the old-time uniforms on it is still my favorite.

Stairwell corner now, a better picture of Z, along with Burt Hooton's autograph (Kenny Holtzman is on the North wall, so I have the last four no-hitters. I need Don Cardwell, I there a Toothpick Sam Jones out there?)

Admission is free, for now, so come out to lovely Corn Hole and lick a piece of Cubs History! Flash photography permitted!!

Anyway, I see the Duggars just popped out Number 17, so I will get the newsclipping off of AP and post it out here soon. Enjoy!



Tuesday, January 30 which the guilty stupidly return to the scene of the crime

Thanks to the overwhelming clamor of my loyal fans (ok, it was just Kurt and Chuck) and especially to one amazing idea from Chuck, I have successfully resurrected what I had previously destroyed.

This is NOT NOT NOT a return to solo blogging for me. At least not during work hours, and certainly not in the near future at all, due to my lack of connectivity at home, which actually is a very sore subject at the Sloth Fortified Compound. Don't ask, it involves a porn addiction, which isn't even mine...

I just want to be able to go back into the past, back when I was really angry, upset, psychotic...and at times, funny. I wish I could write with such passion again, but then again, I sleep better at night now, and for the most part, life is better without such sharp edges, bumping into things, marking up furniture and occassionally drawing blood.

Saw a new documentary last night on TLC...The Duggars Go on Vacation!! Eighteen holy rollers in an RV, taking six days to drive from Deliverance, Arkansas to Disneyland...priceless. The matching shirts every day...they were working extra shifts at Lands' End to keep them all in primary colored polos. Sears stock more than doubled!! I thought for a minute Michelle was carting around #17 in there, but I guess the ol' convection oven must just be all stretched out, and no amount of crunches and sit-ups ain't gonna flatten out them abs. Anyway, feel free to enjoy the text of the article about them, and all my old stuff.

This is Tha Hog With Tha Biggest Nutts...signing off!!


Thursday, January 26

Don't get me wrong...I'm really not upset by this

The First Amendment and the Internet has opened the door for all Americans to be seen and heard. Very little anymore can remain secret. Asshats are uncovered and revealed in the hoary light of day.

There are fundamentalist fucksticks, cracker-ass humpmunkeys, hyperparanoid war-monger asswipes, lazy shiftless welfare sucktards, stupid kool-aid swilling robosheep, and then as I discovered today, there are lousy no-good proto-ethnic meth-smokin' shit-eatin' piss-swillin' Sux fan rectums to deal with.

As if you people didn't have something better to do? Don't you have to run to the Gas City to pick mama up another carton of smokes, or maybe rotate the tires on the trailer?


Wednesday, January 25

Since Hendry is on vacation, I'm gonna write a joke

Ron Artest, Isiah Thomas and Chris Penn walk into a bar.

The bartender is a somewhat attractive woman who immediately announces "I have an MBA and I am a vice president of marketing. I only do this to pay the extra charges on my Blackberry bill. What will you have?"

Ron says that he has to meet with his bosses about 'some shit' later, so he will have a Sprite. Isiah asks for a Miller Lite in a plastic cup. Chris orders a shot of vodka.

The bartender pours the soda and the beer, and as she starts to pour the vodka, Chris swipes the bottle out of her hand and chugs it until he passes out and dies.

Isiah shouts at the woman, "You stupid bitch! Why the hell did you let him do that? You know what you need? Me! I'm in love with you. Let me squeeze your titties!"

The woman stares at him and screams "That's harrassment!"

Isiah says "I can't get no love from you today? I fucked over the CBA, the Indiana Pacers, and the New York Knicks. I'll fuck you over, too. Now get down here and suck my cock, that's all you ho's are good for."

Ron-Ron jumps up and gets in Isiah's grill and says in a low voice "You shouldn't talk to the woman like that."

Isiah then throws his beer cup into Ron-Ron's face. Artest then rips Isiah's left leg off at the knee, beats the rest of him to death, along with Ben Wallace's brother and a cameraman from WGN-TV. He then fishes a plane ticket to Sacramento out of his pocket and rips it to shreds, pulls on the front of his jacket, and yells "Queens Represent!"

Then a fruit bat flies into the bar and dumps right on top of Ron's head.

The bartender laughs. "Ha. They were right, son. You ARE batshit crazy!"

Ahh, I know it sucked. I'll go back to sleep now. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz......

BTW: Chuck's cousin is an assistant coroner in Santa Monica, and he is helping with the Chris Penn autopsy.