12/16/2005 09:47:00 AM by Rob

The Sloth's Annual Christmas Message

This is life as I know it right now, and this all could have been avoided if only some people were just raised right.

In my department, there are three women and four men, and yep, one of the four dudes is the boss. Anyway, if yer a man's man and you don't work with no skirts, you don't know what a special pleasure it is to work with women. And if you do, then you know full well just how fucking illogical and inappropriate they can be.

Here's the deal. If you've stayed with me for awhile, you know I have one of the longest commutes known to man, primarily because of my committment to make life worth living for another of these illogical creatures. And, I know it is my personal choice, a fact that I am reminded of on a periodic basis, when one or more of the three harpies in my office complains about my hours.

See, I leave my house every morning about 5:45, which ought to get me to work at 7:45. Then, I can leave at 4:15. I JUST CAN'T do any earlier than that, it just hurts to be up any earlier. But due to the cruel and unusual road construction patterns in place the last five years in the Chicago MetroSprawl, I usually am not able to wind my way up to my office until 8:30...in which case I should stay until 5. If I do that, then there's no way I am able to have dinner with my family. The kids eat lunch at school around eleven, and, shit, they'd have to eat another meal somewhere in there to make it until 7:15, 7:30. So, most days, I leave before five.

Now, here's where I have a problem with my three female co-workers, all of which resent the living PISS out of me because I'm not "putting in my eight". Why is it their business? It would be an issue if, say, I made one of them wait ONCE for something I was working on in the past 7 1/2 years I've been here. But, I haven't. So why should they care?

Do I care that each and every one of them takes at least FIVE ciggy breaks a day? When you subtract THAT hour-plus from the time that they're here, I actually spend more seat time at my desk than they do!! Have I EVER EVER complained about that? Shit, I never even THOUGHT about it until last week, when each of them decided it was time to confide with me that they didn't approve of my "leaving early".

I actually have a very kind and giving nature, and I have bent over backwards hundreds of times to do little favors for these three hussies. NOW? Fuck it, I won't piss on their heads, even if their hair was on fire.

See, and here's the message, Christ told us to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," if I can paraphrase Him a bit. I had a little spat the other day with a self-described "Christian" who runs his own Cubs Blog, because it seemed to me that he was slotting himself as a superior person to myself, because he doesn't cuss, or post pictures of chicks (or ever stray off-topic, I point I HAD to concede). He isn't the first Cub Blogger I've tussled with over the years, and it isn't like I am going to declare a Jihad on him, because he has valid points about the content of this here website.

But who is he to judge, just like who are the three Medusas in my office? My two other (male) peers could give a rip less what I do. If anything, if they somehow feel that I am not giving a full effort, they will take the opportunity to press harder themselves so THEY'LL look better compared to me, and I whole-heartedly agree with that tactic. That's what (most) guys do. Women would rather complain, and while I understand, it's real hard to forgive the fact that the bitches got me in trouble with my boss. He's a hands-off guy unless you force his hand, I like him a lot, and it really hurts to have to engage in these occassional discussions with him.

Take care of your own business, and good things will follow. Unless somebody else is actively infringing on your own inalienable rights, leave them be.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Respect brings respect, tolerance brings tolerance, trust brings trust. Likewise, judgment brings judgment, hate brings hate, and you get the picture.

But, Sloth, isn't Forgiveness a virtue, too? Yes, of course. But as we all know, it is much harder to forgive than to simply accept. There has to be a Wrong in order for someone to Forgive, and sometimes, that Wrong simply cannot be undone.

Do Unto Others. That's the message I leave you with this Christmas season, unless Hendry does something meaningful. I will be back at it for sure on the 26th, maybe there will be a real right fielder under the tree for us Cub fans.

Merry Christmas, all. Be careful on the roads. I need all the hits I can get.

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