The Uncouth Sloth - born 2002, died 2006. R.I.P.

8/27/2003 01:10:00 PM by Rob

Once again, thanks to Andy Dolan

I assume if you read this, you also read Andy Dolan from desipio.com, who is one of my writing heroes on the net. He MUST be in your reg'lar rotation. Just has to be.

Today one of his links deals with the heartwarming story of the Pennsylvanian mom who wanted to take her (under 16) son and three of his friends go-karting. When that fell through, she bought some suds, took the boys to a hotel room, handed out some singles, and did a strip-tease for them, beckoning them to slip the bills in her bra straps and panties.

Now, the disappointing thing is that no pictures are provided with the story. In order for me to truly judge, as with the recent story of the skank who was sucking a 5-year-old's pee-pee on video so her husband could have some bedtime entertainment, I would have to see what we were dealing with, here.

See, for example, one of my son's friends has a mom that compares somewhat favorably to Pam Anderson, and my son's friend has an interesting attitude about her that I will (mercifully) summarize by saying that "anything his mom does is OK by him". There's an incident with some home videos he found that kind of proves my point.

If she stripped down for the boys, there probably wouldn't have been a complaint.

However, most moms, including my own, who tried that would need to be punished in federal prisons for "crimes against humanity". Some games we could have played:

- Count the Fat Rolls
- Whack the Moles
- What's that Smell?
- Connect the Stretch Marks
- Pate, or not?
- What the hell is that s'posed to be?
- Life-Size Action Bumpers Pinball
- Pin the Tail on the Michelin Man
- Cauliflower, or Broccoli?

8/27/2003 08:46:00 AM by Rob

I have been told that I am not insightful

Whoa...big fucking surprise.

Actually, to tell the truth, I think one of the major problems with life today is that people make things out to be more than they need to be. I can't even fucking read Baseball Prospectus anymore, because having to look at a statistical regression chart on the number of pitches AL left-handed sluggers take makes my eyes droop.

Baseball really is an easy game. For the first half of this year, the Cubs had two major holes: third base and catcher. Since there is so little catching talent available these days, I ignored that hole, and concentrated on the third base hole. Sure, Mike Lowell was going to be expensive, but the two things the Marlins need, we have in abundance: ca$h and prospects. Lowell is one of the best 3B in the game, and he's in the prime of his baseball life. Voila, a perfect fit!! No, I didn't bother doing the analysis on whether Corey Koskie would have plugged the hole as nicely as Joe Randa, because I see no reason to go with second-best.

I also underestimated many of my readers' need for postseason play THIS YEAR, even at the cost of the future. Some of you, God bless you, have followed right along with my desire to build a Cub dynasty even at the expense of this year. If you wanted a one-shot winner, tell you what we shoulda done before he got hurt. We coulda traded Patterson and Wood, and prospects, for A-Rod. Then we coulda done what we did to get Ramirez and Lofton. We coulda have had this:

CF Lofton
2B Grud
SS A-Rod
RF Sofa
LF Alou
3B Ramirez
1B Simon/Karros
C Outs Du Jour

Rotation: Prior, Z, Clement, Cruz, and tEstes when needed.

OK, that there is a lineup, mister. Too bad, when Lofton disintegrates into dust, our CF will be gone, along with Bobby Hill, and Choi is held back another year in his development. I don't advocate trading Patterson for a minute. But he is not a leadoff hitter, while it seems that at least for the immediate future, Kenny Lofton is.

Finally, why, you must be wondering, am I bitching after last night? God, that was enjoyable. Almost better than sex. Thank you, Mark Prior. God bless you, Meat-beater, and Erroris, for your back-2-back action jacksons. An vicious beating, made closer than it should have been by Kyle Farnsworth.

I steamed all night last night...WHY TAKE OUT PRIOR? Then it hit me today...last night had a playoff-type atmosphere. We had a six run lead, but there was still pressure to finish it. What better time to ease the "closer of the future" into a finishing situation? So, even though he had a six-run cushion, Kyle knew that this was a vital game, and he fucked it up. I tell ya, he can't finish. Nobody throws harder, and he certainly seems to be sturdy enough, but he has no mental fortitude whatsoever. Maybe it will come. Even though he is a male slut loser, his teammates love him and support him. I guess you keep him, and someday, somehow, he is going to grow up and take his role. Not now. He pooped himself, and Remlinger had to come bail him out. Thank God the lead was so large.

Tuesday, August 26

8/26/2003 12:15:00 PM by Rob

Big swap meet and square dance this week

Whereas I said that the series against Houston was not life-n-death, this one is. Because it is the mutha-fuckin' deadbirds. Because you haven't won consistently in here since the last time you won the division, when Mark Grace duked it out with Frank DePino. Because I hate the inbred fuckwads down there. Because winning this series gives us the confidence we need to win the next series in Chicago, and if we can win both, The Genius and the Darryl Kile Memorial Hemp Exhibit and Flim-Flam show will be in our rear-view. Because we have Mark and Z. Because Wood needs to get himself straight, or else we can forget about any real postseason glory. Because Al Hrabosky and Mike Shannon need to shut their fucking mouths. Because it is time to turn it up and turn it on. Because we need to prove once and for all that we really didn't need Scott Rolen, that it was a strategic lack of pursuit of his services.

I have hated the Cardinals since I was old enough to know. If Lou Brock could have stayed with the team that drafted him, the Cubs would have probably went to the World Series every year from 1968-1972. Ron Santo would be in the East Coast HOF, and people in Baltimore would be up in arms about the fact that Brooks Robinson got passed over yet again by Mike Schmidt and the rest of the fuckwads on the Veteran's Committee.

Fergie would never have gone to Texas, Billy would never have gone to Oakland, and Don Young would have enjoyed a nice life as a minor league outfielder and distributor of natural gas products after leaving baseball. Ernie wouldn't have to go around with that insipid "Mr. Cub" hat on everywhere he goes, although he still probably would.

But, of course, that's not what happened, and it is high time we started paying back our debt, in full with interest, to that armpit home of chicken stands and liquor stores, tattoo parlors and rent-to-own chains. Fuck St. Louis, fuck LaRussa, fuck MacAndro, fuck J.D. Drew, fuck Stan fucking Musial, fuck the fucking ghosts of Jack Buck, Darryl Kile and Darrel Porter, and most of all, fuck Matt Morris, Garrett Stephenson and Woody Williams, fuck 'em over real good this week.

Monday, August 25

8/25/2003 01:40:00 PM by Rob

We have seen the future, and it isn't working...

This article in today's Trib reveals that the parent company of Abercrombie and Fitch (or as it's known in the Lair of the Sloth, Grababootie and Pinch) is suing the parent of American Eagle over the use of the number '22' on their clothing, claiming that people associate the number '22' with A&F.

Uh....I associate a few numbers with A&F, like '15' (the average age of people wearing it), '3' (the average length of material used to make their girls' shorts) and '39' (the typical price of one of their 'washed out' mini-t-shirts or their threadbare short shorts).

I associate '22' with my new surrogate son, Mark Prior, who is announcing his own counter-suit against A&F. Go get 'em, boy! Woof-woof! Snarrrrl!

8/25/2003 01:36:00 PM by Rob

We have seen the future, and it isn't working...

This

8/25/2003 10:16:00 AM by Rob

Kerry Wood

I did not base my previous comments on the last few outings, not entirely. But I do believe the last few outings say something about his character and his ability to show on-field leadership.

This is a free country, and as a Cub fan, or as a GM-wannabe, which we all are, you have the right to regard Wood as an untouchable, and to give him all the room you want to wait for him to perform to the numbers that will soon be appearing on his paycheck. I also have the right to give up on him, and for the right deal, for either Blaylock, Texiera, or A-Rod, I would.

8/25/2003 10:09:00 AM by Rob

Cub of the Week

I know he is a streaky kind of guy, but so far, whenever I watch him, it looks like Randall Simon is a man playing with boys. There are a few guys that, when they bat, I worry about the safety of the pitcher and the corner infielders, because it looks like the batter could just slap one off of their faces.

And then, in an instant, these same guys go into a funk where they can't hit the ball with a tennis racket, and they get traded again. Glenallen Hill was one of these guys, and Simon is another. He's in an "up" cycle right now, so the trade looks real good.

But what about next year, when it is him and Choi competing for first base? Are they going to decide that Simon is the man, and keep Choi down, or even trade him like they did to Bobby Hill? For, if they do that, wouldn't it have been more beneficial to take Jim Thome up on his offer to play below market value? We didn't do that because of Choi. Now, are we going to throw him over for Randall meat-beating Simon?

8/25/2003 09:59:00 AM by Rob

Dude of the Week

To Joseph Druce, the lifer who brutally murdered the former Rev. John Geoghan (pronounced Gay-gun) in a Massachusetts prison this weekend. Gay-gun was bound, gagged, and repeatedly pounced on by Druce, who would climb on his bed, jump on Gay-gun, climb on his bed again, lather, rinse, repeat, until the filthy pedophile gave up the ghost.

Druce himself is a real piece of work, a neo-nazi serving a life sentence for kidnapping and strangling a guy who picked him up hitchiking, yet was resourceful enough to send "anthrax" through the mail to Jewish lawyers while imprisoned, an act that earned him even more prison time. I'm not saying Druce is a hero, or a goat. Just a dude, the dude of the week.

If all of this isn't enough to deter someone from committing a crime that could result in imprisonment, then there's no hope for you.

Friday, August 22

8/22/2003 10:42:00 AM by Rob

OK, one last thing

This story is entitled "Man Kills Woman Over a Beer". I take objection to this, because it is obvious that the headline writer either didn't read the story, or doesn't know how to read.

There is nothing in this story about the woman getting killed over a single, solitary beer.

This guy and his buds were drinking beers, and they presumably had many beers. This 40-something beer slut wanted their beer for free, and he said no. Then she went and got a guy to beat his ass for the beer, but no, our guy had a little somethin' for them, like a lead pipe and some steel-toed boots. Somehow the slut ended up in the dirt on "all fours" and our guy kicked her in the face with his boots, hard enough to kill her, and then poked the other guy's eye out with the pipe.

Dammit, this ain't some sort of TV commercial, when you pop the top of your Bud, and people come out of the woodwork to mooch offa you! A man needs to protect what's his, and if some people can't accept that, then I guess sometimes they die in the dirt with a smashed-in face. That's what we're fighting for in Iraq, and that's the American way. This ain't some kind of Karl Marx-share-and-share-alike kind of Communism bullspit. Mama never made me share my blocks with the other kids, and I ain't gonna start handin' shit out now!

One beer, my ass. Try five or six, Goddammit, probably more, knowing that ol' slut.

8/22/2003 09:56:00 AM by Rob

Decision time on Wood? Yes, but not what you think

Dang, I was hoping for more of a charge out of you guys from yesterday's posting. Or maybe you too were all sated and relaxed.

Anyway, back to the edge. Sorry I had to do it, but what do we do with Kerry Wood? Oh, I'm not talking about what do we do in terms of the Great NL Central Push of 2003. I could give a flying fuck about that. I'm looking Long Term, folks.

Wood is eligible for one more arbitration year, in which he will probably be awarded his usual and customary $6M, because for all his strikeouts and innings, he is as of now an 11-10 pitcher, and while .500 pitchers have some value, neither do they often jar the salary structure out of whack. But after 2004, he is a free agent, and Hendry and McFail have some big decisions to make.

The first thing to keep in mind is: this is NOT the Kerry Wood that struck out 20 Asstros in 1998. That Wood died during the Wild Card chase of 1998, and was buried on an operating table. The four foot curve, thrown across his body, has become extinct. Many Cub fans are behind this man 1000 percent, because they believe that the 1998 Kerry is just about to break out any minute now. That man is dead, is never coming back, and I believe that McFail and Hendry know this all too well, even if fans do not.

So the question(s) became: has he become a Pitcher? Does he provide Leadership? I believe the answer to the first question is "No, but it can happen." In which case he can become a fairly consistent 15 game winner, with a 1-2 year window at 20, when he does put it all together, yet still has his youth. I'm not so sure about the second question.

If I were a teammate, I would have a real problem with Wood and his bitching and yelling every time he loses a game. Of course, I am not a major leaguer, and I haven't heard of too many complaints about what I feel is aberrant behavior. Maybe ballplayers are thicker skinned than I, and maybe his temper tantrums are livable by their standards. I tend to believe this is the case, even though I wouldn't want to play with a man who feels that he was "making good pitches" last night. I wouldn't want somebody chewing my ass every single time I made a mistake. I wouldn't want a teammate who has no problem going on the air on his radio show and questioning the heart of the rest of us.

I know he cares, and I know he hates to lose, which is half the battle in reversing a 95-year-old trend of lovable losing. But the problem is, it is going to take So Much Money to sign him, and at best he slots in at your third starter. He is not an Ace. Fortunately you have one, and in Zambrano you may have a 2. At this point, I consider Wood and Clement to be on the same footing. Once in a while, they are brilliant, and often they pitch well enough to win. But, just as often, they lose. This sounds like a 3-4-5 starter to me. Do you pay one of these guys $10M per? Then you gotta pay the other one. And what about Prior and Z? What do you pay them, $15M?

Is the Trib really going to do that? I say NO. If they will, then fine, let them. But if they do what they always do, they are going to find the best bang for their mid-sized buck. Wood would be valuable trade bait for two Texas-based teams with lots of high-priced hitters and little pitching. Do you do that?

I would.

Thursday, August 21

8/21/2003 09:25:00 AM by Rob

Prior takes care of a man's primal needs

We are currently moving into a new Sloth lair, and the new Mrs. Sloth doesn't like living amongst chaos and filth, so she has been busily scrubbing, sweeping, and unpacking things, so at the end of the day, when the Sloth needs a little lovin', Mrs. Sloth is usually out cold. And, since I am a kind, sensitive Sloth, I let her sleep.

Then I go, to the Internet, to rub one out.

Let's see, I can go to AL4A or MMM100...let's see...mature preggo suck's daddy's schlong....teen cutie with two lucky dudes....lonely farmgirls sucks doggie dick.... Shit...nothing with secretaries or nun-raping today. This is boring.

When I want some steamy, salacious porn, I need not go any further, on a day like today, than the Trib for some hot man-on-man-on-Prior action!

Let's see...Mike Downey's column today.....

"Prior, meantime, is a surprise to nobody at this point. He is without a doubt the National League's hottest pitcher, a stopper every contending team needs to put a cork in a short losing streak before it can stretch into a week and kill a season."

Yeah.....yeah....that's it.....ummmm....

"...Prior's seven-inning performance might have been even more impressive than his back-to-back domination of the Dodgers.

As soon as the first Astro got a look at Prior's first pitch, you could feel a strong possibility that you were about to see something special."

...huuhh...huuhh....wait for it.....wait for it....uhhh....

"Humming 95 m.p.h. fastballs that smacked against Bako's glove with a sound that could be heard in Minute Maid Park's upper deck, Prior proceeded to strike out the first Houston batter (Craig Biggio), the second (Lance Berkman), the third (Jeff Bagwell), the fourth (Jeff Kent) and then the fifth (Richard Hidalgo)."

.....oh......oh.......uhhhh.....

"The last of these victims, Hidalgo, at least managed to get wood on three fouls. Prior adjusted by snapping off a breaking pitch that left Hidalgo standing at home plate as frozen as Ted Williams."

...almost.....there.....oooohh......uuuuuuhh....

"Prior's stuff was so sharp, it seemed reasonable to speculate Kerry Wood's 20 whiffs of Astros batters on May 6, 1998, might be about to have some company in the Cubs' record books."

...UUNH! UNNNH! AHHHH.....YEAH....YEAH....YES!...YES!!....YES!!!....aaaaahhhhhhhh....

OK, nobody saw me, good, where's that tissue box, ok, ok, good, zip up, yeah, sit up straight, oh! Gawd, that hit the spot. Man, WHEW! OK, good.

I love you, Mark Prior, in a healthy, normal man way.

Wednesday, August 20

8/20/2003 12:44:00 PM by Rob

Just a brief non-Cub comment

Hey, Albert Poo-Holes? You're a big fucking puss! It's just a hitting streak...it's not life or death. I hear you're feeling a noose around your neck, so you are going to take a couple of days off to think it over, maybe visit your sports psychologist, spend some time with your ugly-ass wife, feeding tortillas to her crippled kid?

So what if you come back, and end up breaking the record? Did Joe D. take three days off in the middle of his streak, in the middle of a pennant race, so that he could go home, stick his thumb in his mouth, and curl up next to mama?

Fucking slimeball puss Deadbird...probably feeling the guilt from selling that ditchweed to Darryl Kile last year.

8/20/2003 10:23:00 AM by Rob

We're in the thick of the division race, and...

...what's the Great Sammy Sosa done for us lately?

I'm just pointing this out, for the Sammy Ass-Licking Tribunal (SALT) who break bad on me every time I suggest that he isn't worthy of being the centerpiece of this or any team.

8/20/2003 10:22:00 AM by Rob

Cubs All-Star Trivia

Greg Maddux was the youngest Cub ever selected to an All-Star team.

Steve Swisher was the worst Cub ever selected to an All-Star team.

8/20/2003 08:47:00 AM by Rob

Dusty left him in there one guy too long...

Matt Clement should never had the opportunity to pitch to Jeff Kent. That's not a second guess, that's a first guess as I was screaming at my radio to get him the hell out of there. Problem is, we don't have a long reliever at the moment, since Estes is being held in reserve in case Wood cannot start tomorrow, and since Cruz is in Iowa because we had to have Tony Womack's weak hitting ass.

So Dusty trusted his guy to get one more inning out of him, and last night, it came back to bite us. I don't consider this a MUST win series, although certainly it would be a monumental plus if we could win it. But if we only win one of the three, there is still time to make it up in this division, as weak a division as I have ever seen.

Tuesday, August 19

8/19/2003 03:01:00 PM by Rob

There, that one woke 'em up

Flannel Boy Rob Neyer was finally nudged awake and became aware of the existence of the Cubs today upon their acquisition of Worst NL Hitter LeAnn Womack.

I know many of you don't like the Flannely One, but I do. He's not a great writer, but he does know what works and what doesn't when it comes to baseball, and he is just beside himself today, as I am.

I realize that, as with the other acquisitions this year, not much was lost. Sure, the kid we game up has a decent AA record this year, but in a world of heavily publicized prospects, this one was new to me. Hopefully he never comes back to bite us on the ass. In the meantime, just because you CAN get a Tony Womack doesn't necessarily mean you SHOULD. It makes Dusty feel better, I'm sure, to have all of his Proven Vets in his clubhouse. I guess it doesn't hurt as bad when you get shut out when your guys have the maturity to make reasonable excuses about it after the game.

8/19/2003 10:25:00 AM by Rob

Well, throw another '33' in there

Being the GM and President of the Cubs must be like going on a shopping spree with Rosie O'Donnell and Penny Marshall. Take the checkbook, kids, and a cart, and fill it up with whatever you can find. Oh yeah, and welcome to K-mart!

We now have 2B Tony Womack, the worst hitter in the NL amongst regulars. Yes, his contract is up after this year, as is Grud, Karros, Lofton, Alfucksucka, Bako. I guess McFail and Ringo Hendry are "going for it" this year, but instead of sure things, they are trying to wring the last drops out of dry sponges.

It's personal. I would enjoy watching a team full of big names in their prime. I enjoyed watching the Bears in 1985, the Bulls in the nineties, and....and....anyway. If we could have gotten an Aaron Boone, a Mike Lowell, a Johnny Damon, Scott Rolen, Mike Piazza...some of the other real All-Stars that have been available in one way or another the last few years? That would have been novel and exciting...to just sit back and watch the Big Name Cubs whale the shit out of people.

Barring that little pipe dream, let's go young. What is more satisfying than watching a bunch of kids grow up and take tha candy from tha big boys? Imagine if this was CPat and Choi and Hill and Kelton running a half-game out in Mid-August? Maybe it would all fall apart next year, but chances are that it wouldn't....to have a future so bright, you have to squint all the time.

But what do we have? A bunch of has been's, never were's, and mercenaries. A bunch of guys that don't field their positions well enough to stick with their former teams. A bunch of guys who were let go from bad teams because they make too much money to justify having them around. Womack didn't do enough for Arizona, Pittsburgh, or Colorado to earn the pro-rated amount of his $6M contract, but he's going to make up for it here?

I can't get excited seeing us trot out Womack, Simon, Karros, Lofton, Ramirez...a bunch of guys who weren't here to start the season, who won't be here after the season's over, or both! Even if we did win a division, and there's a bunch of guys at the end of September in Cubs shirts jumping around, who we barely know? Just because they wear the "C" doesn't mean I love them!! Sure, it's better to see the "C" then the stupid fucking red birds perched on the bat, or a stupid fucked-up "A" that looks like a shooting star. But I have no investment in these guys, except for Wood, Prior, Z, Clement, most of the pen, and gulp! Sammy Sofa?

Monday, August 18

8/18/2003 01:50:00 PM by Rob

Numbers to chew on

I will give you four sets of numbers. It will be pretty clear what the first two sets are.

31 32 29 30 27 38 23 37 37 26 22
31 34 30 36 31 29 25 28 37 33 36 34 35

29 31 31 22 27 28 27 33 26 25 33 25
27 31 26 28 26 34 32 27 27 27 27 32 31

Cubs pitching staff, Cubs hitters, A's staff, A's hitters.

See all of the 26's and 27's on the lower half? What's more, all the "big numbers", like the 32's and 34's are guys like Jim Mecir, who are not counted on as building blocks.

On the hitter's portion, we have the 29 year old Augie Doggie, the 25 year old Ramirez, and the 28 year old Sausage Beater.

Since the peak of a player's performance typically falls in-between 27 and 32 years of age, doesn't it seem like the bargain basement A's are poised to kick into high gear very shortly, while the $80M Cubs have left their best rubber on the track already?

The spread looked the same in 1984, 1989, 1998, and 2001. The Cubs sold short, and took drastic nosedives the very next year, when all of the 36's and 37's started falling dead onto their own swords.

I remember back in 1999, when we started using the phrase "ETA-2001" for the arrival of the saviors Choi, Patterson, Luis Montanez and David Kelton, at the time lighting it up in Lansing. As the guys floundered along the way in Daytona and Jackson, TN, , and as Bobby Hill joined in, it got moved back to ETA-2002. When Prior came along, it became "ETA-2004". But how can it be when we might be the oldest roster in the majors by next year? Most of the guys we stand to lose (Augie, Alfucksucka, Glanville & Estes) represent the low end of the spectrum. Only Karros has a real high number amongst those not expected to return.

This is NOT the way to build a dynasty, I tell ya.

8/18/2003 09:18:00 AM by Rob

Hideo Nomo is good...and we ARE going backwards.

S'truth. I'm going to give Cub management a rare pass on this one, though. Nomo's representatives really put the club over a barrel in 1999 during his brief April-May tryout in frozen Iowa. Management was supposed to determine in three frigid AAA starts whether or not Nomo was worthy of big-league consideration, or whether they should just stick the fork in him, which they did after his lackluster performances. I agreed that he was D-U-N, and nobody was more surprised than I when he worked his way back up from the gutter. Good for him, and good for the fuckhead Dodgers.

Once again, I re-iterate that winning the NL Central this year doesn't mean a festering SHIT to me, because if it occurs, we are just going to get strafed by SF or the Braves.

So, therefore, the acquisition of sausage-wack Randall Simon and the demotion of Hee Seop Choi makes no sense to me. In March, I stated that the goal of the 2003 Cubs ought to be DEVELOPMENT. Prior, Wood, Zambrano, Clement, Cruz, Farnsworth and Angel Guzman on the pitching side. Hill, Kelton, Choi, Patterson on the hitting side. These young men should have been brought up together, like McFail's famous 1987 and 1991 Twins were. I remember that bunch of mopes in 1982. They made today's Tigers look accomplished. Hrbek, Puckett, Gaetti, Brunansky, Steinbach...couldn't get out of each other's way. Five years later, they were living large.

To me, I would have been real excited if we could have not signed or cut loose the Turd, Alfucksucka, Girardi, McStiff, etc. Maybe used Alou, Bellhorn and some of our young pitching prospects to bring in some young rising talents, like Mike Lowell. So, what do we do?

We trade the Turd for TWO older guys. Grud pushes Hill back to the minors, then to Pittsburgh. Karros pushes Choi to the bench, and then to Iowa. Karros is probably someone else's overrated 1B next year, and Choi is going to have no more of a clue than he started this year with. Grud, on the other hand, is probably going to be next year's 36-yr-old second baseman.

We let Bellhorn downgrade himself about three levels, and then essentially, he and Hill become Ramirez and Lofton. OK, Ramirez is allegedly 25, but Lofton is about 60 years old, and Dusty is going to want to keep him next year. So what do we do about Corey, who was on his way to an All-Star berth until he tore his knee up? He will be ready for next year, but is he going to sit the bench in back of 38-yr-old Kenny Lofton?

Randall Simon is here, and he is going to keep Choi off the field next year.

Alou and Sosa get another year older and slower.

Shawn Estes is the worst starter in the bigs, and Cruz is throwing shit around the locker room after another demotion.

Wood is his usual erratic self, and is blaming a weak back this time. When did you get that weak back, Kerry, about a week back? No, says he, when I was 18, when my high school pitching coach had me on a strict 210-pitch count.

Finally, Joe Borowski is saving games from his ass, while Farns labors in anonymity as the world's hardest throwing setup man.

Management is going for it all this year, on the notion that "if we get into the postseason, our starting three will be hard to beat in a short series. Well, they will be hard to score ON, but on the other hand, you have to score yourself to win. So we will finish at the very LATEST on October 10th, and as usual, next year, the fucking bottom will fall out, just like the cardboard box of your old LPs that was sitting on the basement floor, that got all wet a few times and turned to mush, then the thick motherfuckers fall through and smack against your toes, and you fucking scream in pain, and chuck the worthless piece of shit across the basement, then your wife yells at you, because they were HER LP's after all, and besides, you startled the dog and the children all flinched and now everyone is on edge.

Ummmm....never mind. I just have less hope for the future. We have gotten OLDER and more succeptible to decline that we were at the start of this year. We have gone BACKWARDS, yet again, in the latest chapter in the longest book ever written...How To Beat the Statistical Odds and Not Win a Championship in 95 Years.

Friday, August 15

8/15/2003 03:30:00 PM by Rob

Goodbye, Bobby Hill

Goodbye Bobby Hill
Though I never knew you at all
You wore Mark Grace's number
They said that took a lot of gall

They wanted you to hit leadoff
And they whispered into your brain
You worked out on a treadmill
And they tried to change your game

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to talk to
When the press came in
And I would have Dusty to have played you
But you were just a kid
Your chances were used up long before
Your legend ever did

8/15/2003 03:05:00 PM by Rob

Winning despite front office efforts

Why do you send down Juan Cruz while keeping both Estes and Alfucksucka? Oh, yeah, contracts. That's right. Make decisions based on money rather than on winning.

Why do you keep Troy O'Leary when he couldn't get on base against the third-string relief pitcher from Harvey Milk High School's JV team? Couldn't we try Dave Kelton a little bit longer, to see if he is the truth or not?

I know we got him for almost nothing, but the answer that "Who is Aramis Ramirez?" is probably the question to is "He was the first Latin to play third base in the big leagues with two left feet, attached to the ends of his arms."

Of course, we all know the first player of any nationality who played 3B in the bigs with feet attached to his arms was a Cub. Probably Keith Moreland, who also suffered from having a 75 pound cannonball permanently stuck up his ass.

8/15/2003 10:52:00 AM by Rob

Compare and contrast

A big discussion on the radio today between two guys, one resembling most "cub fans", and the other more resembling "Cub fans" like me. The first guy was telling the second to "live in the present", that it isn't often that the team is this close to postseason play, and that once we get in the playoffs, "anything can happen".

The second guy wasn't buying any of that happy shit, though. He sees that the team has little offense, is brutal against right-handed pitching, has no bench and has several below-average players starting for us.

The first guy comes back again with "this doesn't happen this often...." and I kind of dozed off from there, since I have been laid up the last few days with some flu kinda thing. But I thought back, way back, to the last time we were close to the playoffs.

Way back to....2001.

Then I thought about how this team compares to two years ago, the 88 win team that was in first place most of the season, faded down the stretch yet finished strong to inflate the victory total.

We currently have the advantage in starting staff. The 2001 team had Lieber, yes, and Wood in his first full-type year after his surgery. We had the last gasps of Jason Bere and Kevin Tapani, along with the mercurial wackiness that was Julian Tavarez. So we had one stud, one healing kid, two broken-down nags, and a whacko. This year, we have three big studs, one Clement who negates the Jason Bere contribute, and a hole in the five spot, for sure. Advantage new guys.

Certainly the 2001 team had a better pen, from April to September. But the wheels fell off of the F-Troop in August and September, when Fassero completely jumped the shark and Gordon lost it. I heard an interview with that wretched prick the other day, where he gushed that it was good to be pitching well again with the Sux, since "he has been out since 1999." Uh, cockbreath? You spent two years on our roster, and when I said you were stealing, people rushed to your defense, saying that you were trying hard. Guess I was right, numbnuts.

The current team enjoys more pen depth, with more situational guys. What is curious is that Reglar Joe was the closer in April, and since mid-May, and he hasn't blown many chances, and the team is contending, and he still has only 23 saves? And nobody else has any to speak of. Wouldncha think that a contending team should have more saves than that? Is that a negative reflection of the pen? It doesn't appear to be so, considering the season in whole.

What the 2001 team has all over this team is chemistry and offense. Sosa WAS a beast back then, there was production from guys like Matt Stairs and Ricky Guiterrez, and even though McStiff seemed to deflate everything with his "holdout", and didn't get a single clutch hit that I can remember, he did play a quarter of a season with us (49 gms, 12 dongs, 43 ribbs) that compared to Sosa's year in terms of offensive rate.

We do have Dusty, and we don't have the Turd. These are intangibles that cannot be denied. It still doesn't seem to me like we have what it takes to get to the finish line first, although IF we did, and went down to a rotation of Prior, Wood and Big Z, this club could win its first playoff series since 1908.

Wednesday, August 13

8/13/2003 12:18:00 PM by Rob

Is this thing on?

Sorry, kind of have been knocked out of the box the last few days. I suppose all three of you are sick of coming here, and seeing the "c-bomb" in bold print.

I hate to say it, but nothing has happened to suggest to me that the Cubs didn't peak last Thursday, when they were 1 1/2 games out. You can't count on the offense to score enough to keep you in ANY game, even if you only give up three or so like Kerry did the other night.

Today's Trib had articles that suggested that the "latest slump" is due to the lack of Grud.

Um...if Grud is the answer, then the question cannot possibly be "What is the one thing we need to push us over the top for the NL pennant?"

Or maybe Grud is a question, like in Jeapordy, and the question is "He's a mediocre MLB 2nd baseman who is cute in an ethnic sort of way". I only got that from the girls at work.

Friday, August 8

8/08/2003 02:15:00 PM by Rob

Non-Cub content of the day

Thanks to one of my idols, Andy Dolan and his Daily Dose, comes the news out of Florida about the 26 year old woman currently behind bars for performing fellatio to a five-year-old boy.

There are more details in the story that I will spare you, but let's look at this.

85% of women who actually consent to blow you don't really like it. They do it for you because it is either quick-n-convenient, or because they truly love you. (awwww!)

OK, so if this cunt (there, I did it, I finally crossed the final taboo) really really really was hankerin' for a taste o' sausage, aren't there plenty of guys out there only too willing to oblige? In Trailerville, F-L-A? Hell, they'd even pay for the privilege. A win-win for her, she can get her ya-ya's out, and have some spare coin for a McValue meal to wash it down.

Instead, she goes and does something that, at best, is confusing to a little boy, and at worst is mental and physical abuse. What the fuck is wrong with this filthy bitch that she couldn't find an ADULT willing to help her slake her oral fixation?

Oh, you saw the picture in the article? Yep, I wouldn't let that skank near my crotch, either, even if she had an oral condom, a Sams-club sized can of Lysol, and a $3M indemnity policy.

8/08/2003 09:56:00 AM by Rob

The Stone Pony

One more thing today. Steve Stone. Am I the only one who thinks about how much of a waste it is that he is merely a color man on the TV? Sure, he's the best. He is also, in my opinion, the best baseball mind in the whole organization.

How does a non-athletic looking Jewish guy win 25 games one year? Because NOBODY knows the game better than he. For each situation, he knows: 1) what is going to work; 2) what isn't going to work; and 3) what is going to happen.

The question is: is he best suited to be a general manager, field manager, bench coach or color man? Now, I have heard that he isn't much, interpersonal-wise. And I think that his constant presence would not lend well to such a front-line job as field manager. I think THAT position would be best served by a psychologist, a motivational speaker, or some other charlatan. He might be an outstanding bench coach, but he would never tolerate the cut in pay.

How about GM? Sure, he's ego driven, but aren't most GMs? Furthermore, the GM position is more macro, more big picture. Stoney is the master of the moment, is he really a big picture guy? It sure would be interesting to find out. I wish we could, but for the moment, I guess all we can do is sit back and listen to him whip out his crystal ball about five times a game and predict the immediate future. It never ceases to amaze me.

8/08/2003 08:46:00 AM by Rob

Chicago Hope

It's August 8th. The Sux are 1/2 game out of first. The Cubs are 1 1/2 games out.

When was the last time something even remotely close to his happened? To me, the last time there was a Crosstown Series buzz was 1977, when at the end of June, both teams enjoyed leads, and were the SI Coverstory. I still remember the headline..."Chi, Oh My". A whole episode of Mel Allen's "This Week in Baseball" was devoted to us.

Of course, right after that, both teams hit the flush lever.

Where's the national buzz? This is much later in the season. At this point in time, you can actually discuss postseason ball, and not be deemed completely insane. So, why isn't there more Chicago hysteria?

Personally, I blame the Wild Card, more accurately, the three division system. Making the postseason just isn't the same anymore. It is possible to make the playoffs, and if you get swept in the first round, still feel like you are far, far away from the World Series. Whereas in 1977, if you made the playoffs, you were only 3 wins away from the WS. It was a much bigger deal, then.

It was great that we swept the Padres, bad as they might be. You have to smack down the cripples first, before you can beat the big boys. Let's hope that they do more of the same to the Dodgers, a team I cannot stand, and a team with even more pronounced imbalance between their pitchers and hitters than we are.

Is the Turd in the lineup? God, I hope he is, him and McStiff. It would be so cool if Lofton or Karros spiked one of them, and they accidentally lost control of their bowels, right there on the field.

Thursday, August 7

8/07/2003 09:41:00 AM by Rob

Non-Cub portion of today's postings

The White Trash icon, meth-head William Ligue, Jr., was allowed to go home yesterday by an obviously bleeding-heart liberal judge who brought the hammer down in the form of probation, community service, and drug treatment.

"Oh, please judge, not COMMUNITY SERVICE?!? NOOOO! Let me do TIME! I BEG you?"

Now, I have been told that his sentence was quite lenient, but not terribly out of line from what he would have gotten if he had, for instance, rolled out of the Wagon Wheel Saloon in Midlothian, and started drunkenly pummeling a 60-year-old man waiting for the train.

Whatever. The sentence, farcical it may be, cannot match the judge's rationale for why the sentence was invoked.

From today's Chicago Sun-Times, Criminal Court Judge Leo Holt.

"The violence that baseball players are exposed to comes from within," Holt said. "What fan has not seen a pitcher intentionally hurl a baseball at a player's head at 90 mph? Who has not seen a batter leave home plate headed for the pitcher's mound bat in hand bent on mischief and mayhem?

"What is the expected conduct of fans who sit for two or three hours drinking unlimited quantities of beer? How did Comiskey Park come to be known as the world's largest outdoor saloon?''

First of all, yer honor, Wrigley Field is the World's Largest Outdoor Saloon. Nobody has ever called The Cell that. It is obvious that this mope doesn't watch baseball, has never watched baseball, and wouldn't know what end of a bat to hold on to.

Next of all, at $5+ a pop, I don't think a South-side trailer trash like Billy Legue could AFFORD to drink "unlimited quantities of beer". I think the crystal meth might have had a little somthin to do with the attack.

But, most of all, what he is saying that SPORTS were to blame for the outburst. That Legue was such a rambunctious little boy, that he couldn't be trusted to sit in his seat while watching a competitive event? Even if there were on-field incidents, which on this particular night there WEREN'T, pretty much all of us know that we can't go running out and get involved.

It's pretty simple. Trash Boy took a lot of drugs, his mind snapped, and he did something entirely random, stupid, and irresponsible. The Judge could have sent a message to fans everywhere about their proper place in the setting of a ball game.

But, SHIT, when I go to my game next month, and Alfucksucka gives up three walks in a row, I'm going to rush the field to try to pound his big smelly ass. And when I go to trial, I'll just have by lawyer say, "Hey, Judge Holt said that sports are a violent business, and I COULDN'T CONTROL myself, and why should I have to?"

I might not even have to go through drug rehab.

8/07/2003 09:21:00 AM by Rob

Cub portion of today's postings

Cubs manager Dusty Baker in today's Tribune:

"We don't have to make a trade, Ramon is a very good second baseman. Everybody thinks it's a quick fix if you trade for someone, that the person you're getting is better than what you have.

"But every time you trade for somebody, especially as the season gets later, it changes the personality and the equation of the team for a while."

He's 100% right, in my opinion, and it is refreshing for once to hear a manager say that he is OK with the people currently in his clubhouse. So many these days blame deficiencies of upper management in filling holes. Dusty is loyal to his guys, to a fault (see Estes, Shawn).

As it was nice to see Prior pitch well, so it was to see Wood pitch well, too, after two disastrous starts. By disastrous, I mean he would mow people down for several innings before losing it all at once, like a crash-test dummy hitting a barrier at 35 mph with no seat belt.

It is no longer time to make small trades, but the Cubs are still winning games without much margin for error. Last night, Reg'lar Joe made a one-run lead stick. On Saturday, he couldn't. One run games are very sticky, and I wish we had less of them. I cannot in good conscience call the Cubs a pennant contender while they are just squeaking by with the barest minimum of offense, and a career journeyman saving the games.

Did you know that Borowski was once traded for Pete Rose? Junior. I always wondered about people that would pay to see Frank Sinatra, Jr., and Desi Arnaz, Jr., etc. What is it like to sit and watch a pale imitation of the real thing? That's what they are doing in Joliet, as the Great Pete Rose, Jr. (MLB BA .143) is lighting up the Northern League.

Wednesday, August 6

8/06/2003 01:26:00 PM by Rob

Just checking in to enter my weekly request to have the Cubs cut Alfucksucka and O'Leery, even though both of them met with some success in the past week. When an occassion is noteworthy merely because it was successful, rather than its context...remember the scene from Little Big League when the kid was the manager, and his favorite player hadn't had a hit in months, and the guy finally gets a hit, and the kid is jumping up and down, and his pitching coach/mentor reminds him that "when you're getting this excited about a seeing-eye single, it's time to make a change"?

That's how I feel about the Freak's three-inning stint in Friday's game.

Also, put me down as "OPPOSED" to any trades for washed-up second basemen like Eric Young, Tony Womack or Marlon Anderson. I was slightly intrigued with Adam Kennedy, who is everything Bobby Hill is supposed to be. Why would Anaheim trade him? Dunno, guess that's why they haven't.

8/06/2003 10:54:00 AM by Rob

Oh, one other thing today

Nice to see that Carlos Zambrano is an Uncouth Sloth.

He isn't gonna learn any respect, least of all from Barry fucking Bonds. When given a chance to apologi, Z says no, he'll keep coming at Bonds hard, and if he ends up on top, he'll celebrate a little, and suck my big spicy dick if you don't like it.

That should be enough for most people. It wasn't for Kobe, apparently. But for most people, being told to suck dick should suffice.

8/06/2003 10:04:00 AM by Rob

Oh, what a relief that is!

In my office I have seven framed photos of the loved ones in my life, and from left to right, here we go: Mrs. Sloth, Wendy and I; son Nick and girlfriend; the entire Sloth family; son Mike in Cub Scout uniform; son Nick at Confirmation; step-daughter Brittany; and Mark Prior.

Yep.

What a relief that he was able to come back and dominate last night. Every single national sports writer, to a man (or woman), says that he is the real deal. In a world of Dontrelle Willises and Rich Hardens, the one man that everyone expects to be THE dominant pitcher in this decade is Mark Prior.

So it seems that the club has been anally cautious with his arm. FINE. Good by me. Hopefully there will come a time when a level of trust is built, so he won't have to miss any more crucial starts because he has "some soreness". Hell, anyone who makes a living throwing a ball is going to have a sore arm. I get sore wrists and hands from typing all day, but that doesn't mean I have to go visit Dr. Jobe tomorrow.

Some of my Cub fan brethren are setting themselves up for a mighty fall, by declaring that "this is the year". The Central IS down, and it is quite conceivable that the Cubs could end up on top of it, when it is all over.

So what? We'll enjoy about three days of superiority, then we'll get swept out of the water by Atlanta, the Giants or Philly, whoever we end up playing. Then, the guys can go golfing, Yosh and his minions can clean out the lockers, and we can sit here, look around, and realize that we aren't much better off than the Mutts.

If you aren't going to the Fall Classic, then winning the division doesn't mean much, except for the souvenir leeches who will make millions printing up their cheap t-shirts, pennants and bumper stickers. And that's just from me...

Anyway, the point is...what happens this year, in the standings, means nothing to me. I cannot get excited about any team with Eric Karros playing first, The Golden Sombrero playing short, and Kenny Lofton in center. All I wanted to see this year was progress. I wanted to see Choi, Hill, Patterson, Prior, Wood, and Farnsworth progress.

Injuries aside, Choi gets a fail, Hill fail, Patterson pass, Prior pass, Wood needs to now work on his consistency, and Farnsworth fails because Joe Borowski is still closing games for us.

Tuesday, August 5

8/05/2003 02:56:00 PM by Rob

No comment, because you can't

Comments are down. My bad. I could have spared you my thoughts about Sr. Mary Abagail.

Until they are back, hopefully you will be entertained by this new article that just happened to be buried way down in the Yahoo news archives. Enjoy.

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Friends of accused sexual abuser and LA Lakers guard Kobe Bryant are saying that the six-time All-Star acknowledges leaving marks over the alleged victim's neck and face, as has been reported by potential witnesses.

An unnamed source, close to Bryant, said that Bryant admits that the marks are his. "He told me, 'Yeah, she (had consented) to (giving oral sex to) me, but she was young, and she didn't know what she was doing. But she was fine, and that ass was smokin'. So I told her I wanted to (have intercourse with) her, and she refused. So I had to pick her head up and (pull her) across the bed, until she got in a position that I could (perform the act) with.' I asked him if he was worried about getting in trouble. 'Nah, she wanted it. She was only mad when I tried to (enter her anally), saying I disrespected her'"

The source also indicated that this was not the first time that Mr. Bryant was involved in such rough treatment of a bed partner, but possibly could have been the first partner who actually had parents. Mr. Bryant continued on to blame the intrusion of the alleged victim's parents in his affairs as the source of the allegations, which Bryant still labels as "incorrect, scurrilous, and false".

The source did admit to receiving over $4,000 in favors and perks from Mr. Bryant in the last three months, including all-day rentals of jet skis at Newport Beach, and a lavish party the same weekend, where bags were given to party guests containing condoms, "joy jelly", and other sexual parenphenalia.

There was no truth to the rumor that Luis Polonia, former Major League outfielder, was also in attendance.

8/05/2003 11:33:00 AM by Rob

No comment?

Nobody is commenting anymore? Is it because the comment provider is broken, or is it because, sob!, nobody is reading me anymore?

No love for the Sloth?

Are you only compelled to chime in whenever I stupidly try to suggest improving the lot of mankind, other than the Cubs? Or only when I ramble on about my dreams of violating Sister Mary Abagail with a frozen banana in the broom closet of the old Immaculate Conception grade school?

I don't know this for a fact, mind you, nobody ever could know. But I bet under the thick woolen layers of her habit, lurked a youngish, underdeveloped but still somewhat delectable figure. Sort of like my ex-wife, in fact, who can and has struck others as being nun-like. Bitch.

8/05/2003 11:02:00 AM by Rob

The 14 Million Dollar Man

I have a long commute every day, and I rely on sports radio to keep me awake while I sit perched behind the wheel. Some days, however, even that fails me, and I am forced to punch the button to listen to a man cow, or two bimbos and a fag on the Zone.

Usually, it happens on a Monday during football season. If the Bears lose, then every Joe Bagadonutz in Chicago is standing on a ledge, threatening to jump. If they win, then the same morons are drunkenly shouting Suuuuuuper Bowwwwl! at 7 A.M., even if the team is 3-7.

So I have to turn the channel, to keep from poking my eyes out. I had to do the same thing today.

To be fair, the primary topic of the conversation today was not to rip Dusty Baker, it was to rip Sux fans, which I'm usually interested in. See, that bunch of dysfunctional trailer dwellers are currently disenchanted with their milquetoast pacifist field manager, Jerry Manuel. Lately, he has been compared over and over again to the Cubs' Baker, voted "best manager" by a SI poll of MLB ballplayers.

The topic went like this: Dusty Baker left Matt Clement to hit for himself Sunday night in the sixth inning, when we were losing 1-0. He struck out on three pitches, which was totally expected considering Matt's level of hitting expertise.

If Manuel did this, Sux fans would be sticking their rusty outdoor BBQ forks in his eyes, up his ass, etc. There's a double standard when it comes to Manuel in Chicago.

OK, fine. But it went on, and on, and on, and on...all morning long. I couldn't fucking take it no more. Part of the problem, other than to hear whiny hung-over white trash fuckwads and their shitty grammar, was the implied complaint by the talk-show hosts that Dusty did the wrong thing.

The implication was that it was wrong, and because it's Dusty, that makes it OK, but Jerry would never get away with it.

First of all, Jerry manages in the DH league. The situation would never present itself.

Second of all, what message did Dusty send? That he doesn't trust his bullpen or his pinch hitters.

To which I say, "Yeah, and what part of that don't you understand?"

Monday, August 4

8/04/2003 04:00:00 PM by Rob

Kobe Nugget

An Italian hazelnut butter (like peanut butter) manufacturer has announced that it is dropping its celebrity spokesman, a certain Mr. Bryant. In the disingenuous move of the new millenium, it denies it has anything to do with his recent run-ins, instead invoking the "new marketing direction" clause.

C'mon, guys? Nobody can blame you for taking the saying "Kobe Bryant's Favorite Spread" off of all your jars. After all, truth in advertising is a concern, and we all know that Kobe's favorite spread is not hazelnut at all, but is in fact young white trash, giving him hoovers in his room at the spa.

In other news, as luck would have it, during a layover at O'Scare, Kobe was recently seen comparing notes with Kyle Farns #44 as he headed either to San Diego, or to some Florida destination, to touch base with one of his baby mamas.

The fact that these two numbnuts are fathers make me very concerned about the future.

8/04/2003 10:34:00 AM by Rob

All-time records nuggets

The active player with the highest career batting average is Mike Piazza, with .320?

The active player with the most stolen bases, career, (after the semi-active Rickey Henderson) is our very own Kenny Lofton.

I still don't like him.

8/04/2003 09:42:00 AM by Rob

Cub Karma

So, they beat the D-Backs and Astros in two important series, and manage to gain little ground. They manage to cut Fatass Lenny Harris, and just when the roster starts to look better, they lose the Grud for a month with his broken hand. Now we have Augie Doggie back in town, so in terms of effectiveness, you have traded Harris for Augie, which is pretty much a wash.

We get Prior back tomorrow, which would seemingly give us the pronounced advantage, pitching wise, in the Central. But do you really think that Houston and St. Louis will continue to play dead, and do nothing to improve their staffs? I can't believe they would. Something has got to happen, and probably it will happen at just the right time to counteract our own improvement.

That's the karma of Cubness. Any positive move attempted is always balanced by either a negative occurrence (Harris cut --> Grud hurt --> Augie Doggie redux) or an equal and positive occurence by our competition (win series from D-backs --> Houston and Cards also win series).

We just can't ever seem to get over the top. It's never enough. That's why I have been harping for us to try something extraordinary...sign the top free agent, make the biggest trade. We did get the finest draft day steal in 20 years in 2001. That managed to drag us from badness to mediocrity. Now we need one more bold move to pull us up from mediocre to good.

Unfortunately, the window has seemed to close on such an opportunity. Any new blood we bring in now must pass through waivers, which is not impossible, but highly unlikely.

BTW: what a mess the pen is in. It is TIME for Kyle Farns #44 to grow a scrotum, and start saving games.

Friday, August 1

8/01/2003 03:11:00 PM by Rob

Cool website

Check out the East Coast's Baseball HOF uniform database, where you can look up any team's uniform from 1900 on.

In it, you realize that the Yankees have not changed their uniform design since 1936.

That's how you take care of your fanbase...if you buy a gamer now, it will still look authentic 60 years from now. No need to keep changing looks, to force you to buy new merchandise. That's being thoughtful. That, and buying the best team money can buy.

8/01/2003 09:49:00 AM by Rob

Raffy's not coming here

Don't get me wrong. I have always been a Raffy fan, and I was crushed when he was traded. Mitch Williams could have saved 100 games a year, and I still wouldn't be convinced that the trade was a good one.

But resign yourself to the fate that he isn't coming back. First of all, we don't really need him, unless he is willing to pinch-hit, and I don't think he is. Second of all, we already have a male erectile dysfunction spokesman in town, and dis is da Coach's town, after all.

But the biggest reason has to do with the mistaken notion that Cindy Sandberg still lives in town. In fact, she never did, and she still lives in the Phoenix area, close to Ryno and their kids.

You know, Raffy's no-trade clause does NOT name the D-backs...in-TREEEEE-guing!

8/01/2003 09:16:00 AM by Rob

Once again, a good deed goes unrewarded

A couple of days ago, I get on here to give props to Barry Bonds for being the greatest player of the last 40 years or so, at least since the heyday of Aaron, Mays, and Mantle.

So what does he do when he comes to town? Bitches about Carlos Z when he pumps his fist after getting him out.

That's class, Mr. Man. I mean, it isn't like you've stood there about, oh, 600 times, watching balls fly out of the yard before starting his trip around the bases. I mean, you waddle up there, with your shoulder pads and shin guards, and you dangly-ass earring, and you got beef for Z putting on a show? People think you're all swole up on the juice, but the truth is, you're just as skinny as you were with the Pirates. You are just wearing body armor all over, so you can lean your fucking ass over the plate so nobody can pitch you.

You got a 5-hundred on base percentage, and you bitch when someone gets you out? You win some, you lose some, sit your ass down and drink your juice box, you big baby.

I appreciate that I'm watching a great ballplayer, and I appreciate his competitiveness, and I assume that most other stars of the past were probably sore losers, as well. But I also appreciate that Z stuck it up your big fat arse, big boy, and that's why we watch the game.

8/01/2003 09:04:00 AM by Rob

I have also added Ivy Chat today to the list of esteemed colleagues of Cubs cynicism. He's having lunch with Pizza Boy Ron today, I guess, and I'm sure he will write about it afterwards. Hopefully he won't challenge Santo to a footrace...that would be tacky.

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