8/05/2003 11:02:00 AM by Rob

The 14 Million Dollar Man

I have a long commute every day, and I rely on sports radio to keep me awake while I sit perched behind the wheel. Some days, however, even that fails me, and I am forced to punch the button to listen to a man cow, or two bimbos and a fag on the Zone.

Usually, it happens on a Monday during football season. If the Bears lose, then every Joe Bagadonutz in Chicago is standing on a ledge, threatening to jump. If they win, then the same morons are drunkenly shouting Suuuuuuper Bowwwwl! at 7 A.M., even if the team is 3-7.

So I have to turn the channel, to keep from poking my eyes out. I had to do the same thing today.

To be fair, the primary topic of the conversation today was not to rip Dusty Baker, it was to rip Sux fans, which I'm usually interested in. See, that bunch of dysfunctional trailer dwellers are currently disenchanted with their milquetoast pacifist field manager, Jerry Manuel. Lately, he has been compared over and over again to the Cubs' Baker, voted "best manager" by a SI poll of MLB ballplayers.

The topic went like this: Dusty Baker left Matt Clement to hit for himself Sunday night in the sixth inning, when we were losing 1-0. He struck out on three pitches, which was totally expected considering Matt's level of hitting expertise.

If Manuel did this, Sux fans would be sticking their rusty outdoor BBQ forks in his eyes, up his ass, etc. There's a double standard when it comes to Manuel in Chicago.

OK, fine. But it went on, and on, and on, and on...all morning long. I couldn't fucking take it no more. Part of the problem, other than to hear whiny hung-over white trash fuckwads and their shitty grammar, was the implied complaint by the talk-show hosts that Dusty did the wrong thing.

The implication was that it was wrong, and because it's Dusty, that makes it OK, but Jerry would never get away with it.

First of all, Jerry manages in the DH league. The situation would never present itself.

Second of all, what message did Dusty send? That he doesn't trust his bullpen or his pinch hitters.

To which I say, "Yeah, and what part of that don't you understand?"

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