8/26/2003 12:15:00 PM by Rob

Big swap meet and square dance this week

Whereas I said that the series against Houston was not life-n-death, this one is. Because it is the mutha-fuckin' deadbirds. Because you haven't won consistently in here since the last time you won the division, when Mark Grace duked it out with Frank DePino. Because I hate the inbred fuckwads down there. Because winning this series gives us the confidence we need to win the next series in Chicago, and if we can win both, The Genius and the Darryl Kile Memorial Hemp Exhibit and Flim-Flam show will be in our rear-view. Because we have Mark and Z. Because Wood needs to get himself straight, or else we can forget about any real postseason glory. Because Al Hrabosky and Mike Shannon need to shut their fucking mouths. Because it is time to turn it up and turn it on. Because we need to prove once and for all that we really didn't need Scott Rolen, that it was a strategic lack of pursuit of his services.

I have hated the Cardinals since I was old enough to know. If Lou Brock could have stayed with the team that drafted him, the Cubs would have probably went to the World Series every year from 1968-1972. Ron Santo would be in the East Coast HOF, and people in Baltimore would be up in arms about the fact that Brooks Robinson got passed over yet again by Mike Schmidt and the rest of the fuckwads on the Veteran's Committee.

Fergie would never have gone to Texas, Billy would never have gone to Oakland, and Don Young would have enjoyed a nice life as a minor league outfielder and distributor of natural gas products after leaving baseball. Ernie wouldn't have to go around with that insipid "Mr. Cub" hat on everywhere he goes, although he still probably would.

But, of course, that's not what happened, and it is high time we started paying back our debt, in full with interest, to that armpit home of chicken stands and liquor stores, tattoo parlors and rent-to-own chains. Fuck St. Louis, fuck LaRussa, fuck MacAndro, fuck J.D. Drew, fuck Stan fucking Musial, fuck the fucking ghosts of Jack Buck, Darryl Kile and Darrel Porter, and most of all, fuck Matt Morris, Garrett Stephenson and Woody Williams, fuck 'em over real good this week.

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