8/21/2003 09:25:00 AM by Rob

Prior takes care of a man's primal needs

We are currently moving into a new Sloth lair, and the new Mrs. Sloth doesn't like living amongst chaos and filth, so she has been busily scrubbing, sweeping, and unpacking things, so at the end of the day, when the Sloth needs a little lovin', Mrs. Sloth is usually out cold. And, since I am a kind, sensitive Sloth, I let her sleep.

Then I go, to the Internet, to rub one out.

Let's see, I can go to AL4A or MMM100...let's see...mature preggo suck's daddy's schlong....teen cutie with two lucky dudes....lonely farmgirls sucks doggie dick.... Shit...nothing with secretaries or nun-raping today. This is boring.

When I want some steamy, salacious porn, I need not go any further, on a day like today, than the Trib for some hot man-on-man-on-Prior action!

Let's see...Mike Downey's column today.....

"Prior, meantime, is a surprise to nobody at this point. He is without a doubt the National League's hottest pitcher, a stopper every contending team needs to put a cork in a short losing streak before it can stretch into a week and kill a season."

Yeah.....yeah....that's it.....ummmm....

"...Prior's seven-inning performance might have been even more impressive than his back-to-back domination of the Dodgers.

As soon as the first Astro got a look at Prior's first pitch, you could feel a strong possibility that you were about to see something special."

...huuhh...huuhh....wait for it.....wait for it....uhhh....

"Humming 95 m.p.h. fastballs that smacked against Bako's glove with a sound that could be heard in Minute Maid Park's upper deck, Prior proceeded to strike out the first Houston batter (Craig Biggio), the second (Lance Berkman), the third (Jeff Bagwell), the fourth (Jeff Kent) and then the fifth (Richard Hidalgo)."

.....oh......oh.......uhhhh.....

"The last of these victims, Hidalgo, at least managed to get wood on three fouls. Prior adjusted by snapping off a breaking pitch that left Hidalgo standing at home plate as frozen as Ted Williams."

...almost.....there.....oooohh......uuuuuuhh....

"Prior's stuff was so sharp, it seemed reasonable to speculate Kerry Wood's 20 whiffs of Astros batters on May 6, 1998, might be about to have some company in the Cubs' record books."

...UUNH! UNNNH! AHHHH.....YEAH....YEAH....YES!...YES!!....YES!!!....aaaaahhhhhhhh....

OK, nobody saw me, good, where's that tissue box, ok, ok, good, zip up, yeah, sit up straight, oh! Gawd, that hit the spot. Man, WHEW! OK, good.

I love you, Mark Prior, in a healthy, normal man way.

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