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Friday, July 29

7/29/2005 09:56:00 AM by Rob

Stalking the Ryno

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

A: Walk him and pitch to the rhino

All right, for some reason that joke seemed a lot funnier when Ryno was holding down second base for us.

It's actually very out of character for me to do something like drive to Cooperstown. If you grew up in the city, near everything, it probably was no big deal to walk, bus, or drive to major occurrences all the time. Being damn rural all my life, it was always real easy to just sit there and watch things happen on the teevee and say "well, if something like this ever happens again, I'm THERE!" Well, for me, the next time is here.

Ryne Sandberg made his debut with the Cubs the year I graduated from high school. My very early years were the "1969 Cubs" gang, my formative years coincided with some truly horrible "Steve Ontiveros/Bill Bonham" ball, capped off with the 1981 team, which thank God for the strike, they were the worst team I have EVER seen. The 2003 Tigers woulda swept them in a seven-game series.

Then came Dallas Green and his influx of Phillies castoffs and free agents, and for the first time since Billy Williams got traded, there was REAL hope. I was there for the Ryno game, and although I did say that my best game ever was later on that year during a sweep of the Mutts, that is because I literally had to be led to the car and driven home after the Ryno game, and not just because of the King of Beers. Nobody in my memory wearing a Cub uniform EVER got in the Cardinals' face and beat them like that!

I left there thinking that Ryno MIGHT just be a gift from God.

The Cubs then won the East that year, and if you don't get it by now, they hadn't won ANYTHING of any import since 1945. My MOM was born in 1945. The Cubs had actually won their division. I grew up thinking that it was impossible, that there was some sort of pact that would not allow the Cubs to win anything. They won, and Ryno was voted the MVP.

I was then convinced that Ryno WAS God.

He could have then taken the money and coasted for the rest of his life, and I still would have loved him. But he continued to hit for average AND power, and although he didn't get to as many balls as other second basemen, and he never did learn how to adjust to the good breaking ball, he became the best second baseman in his era, and how many times do the Cubs have the Best of Something?

He was handsome, he had the hot, slutty wife, he never got arrested for beating her, or for snorting coke, or for drunkedly running his Mercedes into a guardrail, or for any of the other fun activities the Modern Athlete holds so dear. Every day, he came into my living room in vivid 25" Zenith color on Channel 9, and every day, he came to play.

He is my favorite athlete, and it's the least I can do to go see him get inducted into the Hall. He HAD to be something special to break into the East Coast Baseball Memories Association that they have there in Cooperstown.

I'll bring a camera, and I'll tell you all about it on Tuesday or Wednesday, and I'll try to pay attention when I do things or drink things, in an attempt to make my account as interesting as it can be. Yeah, I know that's hard.

I'll be wearing my Maddux away gamer, in case I get on teevee myself, stalking the Ryno.
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Thursday, July 28

7/28/2005 10:04:00 AM by Rob

Shit that drives me nuts

1) Waiting for the Cubs to make the one or two simple trades that may put us over the top.
2) Sitting in traffic while the morons in the front in the snarl-up slow down almost to a complete stop to GAWK at an accident. Jeezus Christ-o-mighty, this is the biggest hick town in the world. "Ah might get ta see a DEAD BODY!"

Of course, these are old, ancient gripes that you've heard before.

3) You've also heard this one before, but God damn...

...I was listening to Nine FM today (remember that) when they invited "Bears Fans" to call in for a simple trivia contest to win, get this, a free day of playing poker. Typical. Caller after caller buzzed in to answer the following multiple-choice question:

Native Texan Lovie Smith isn't playing favorites, but how many players from Texas schools are in his training camp this summer?

a) twelve
b) nine
c) seven

Well, the first FOUR callers chimed in (and one even pulled an Ernie Banks, when one of the DJs asked the caller to say hi to the other DJ, a Joey Fortman, the caller brightly bellowed "Hello, George Foreman!") and the first one guessed "seven". WRONG. The second one guessed "twelve". WRONG. The next two guessed "twelve", with one insisting he read it in the paper.

Look, remember what I said about it being NINE FM? If they offer a trivia question on:

How many tatoos were on the Virgin Mary's right hip?

a) twelve
b) nine
c) seven

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS NINE!!!

It's called "context", people. When a radio station offers any kind of contest, it's going to tie back into themselves, somehow. The name of the radio station, once again, is NINE FM. If it were Jack FM, and they had a contest with a multiple choice question, and only one of the answers had the word "Jack" in it, it's a good bet to choose it FIRST, if you have any doubt whatsoever with the answer.

My gripe? I know it's painting with the broad, sloppy brush, but Bear fans are fucking stoopid.

At least, those that call into radio stations to win a gambling prize seem to be.
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Wednesday, July 27

7/27/2005 09:54:00 AM by Rob

Congrats to the MadDog


My guy Greg just ain't an attractive man. I got news, Greggie: it took more than the Long Ball for you to attract chicks.

Baseball teams bring up 6 foot 4 guys all the time for a cup of coffee. 6'4 guys "look like pitchers". Most of the time, they can't find their ass with both hands, let alone the strike zone, but clubs keep bringing these guys up, usually three or more per year, in hopes that they'll find the next Carlos Zambrano or Nolan Ryan. (Guys like Wood, Prior, Clemens, Ben Sheets, etc. are first-round picks, and notoriety precedes them).

So, when a club brings up a shrimpy dude like Maddux, it always catches my interest for a second. When he keeps getting jocked, like in 1986, and they keep running him out there, it demands you pay attention. Were the Cubs desperate in '86? Sure, it was the year after the whole rotation caved in like a wet taco, but no more than any number of years we all can name offhand. Teams just DON'T bring guys like this up, and keep him up to lose 14 games, unless someone sees something special in him. Keep in mind, these were the Dallas Green days, the reign of perhaps the greatest talent evaulator in Cub history.

I can't remember that I saw anything special about him, other than his poise. A few years later, of course, we ALL knew he was special...all but Larry Himes, unfortunately. It isn't really healthy to sit here and wonder what the Cubs would have done with him in the nineties. He certainly benefitted from Leo Mazzone, as well as the security of having Tom Glavine and John Smoltz with him for about 10 years. But we definitely avoid the crippling losing streaks we suffered in '94 and '97, we probably make the wild card in '95 and '01, and we don't get swept in '98.

Certainly you've read elsewhere that the only two guys ever to strike out 3,000 men while walking fewer than 1,000 both wore #31 for the Cubs. What does this mean to us? Simple...we've watched the Cubs squander a couple of decades of pitching brilliance...just like last night. 2 runs against the Giants? Paging Todd Walker...paging 0-for-5 Todd Walker....

We need more offense, Jimbo. Pretty please?
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Monday, July 25

7/25/2005 10:29:00 AM by Rob

Neifi saves Baker's job for now

Let's get the important stuff out of the way first. Saztronic done us a square with this link. I'm thinking we'd all appreciate his thinking of us.

Second of all, run, don't walk, to see "Wedding Crashers". Some called it a chick flick, but when Vince Vaughan gets jacked off underneath the dining room table during dinner, it can't be all wrong, can it?

Many of you know me well enough by now to understand that I would figure out pretty quick that Isla Fisher is right in my wheelhouse. Yes, she is, she even bumped her co-star, Rachel McAdams, out of the top spot on the All-Majestic Five. Uh huh, she sure did.

Now, I spent a good portion of the weekend defending my premise that as long as Dusty Baker is chewing his sticks in our dugout, that anything we win is in spite of his narcoleptic ass. Where was he in the 9th, when we tagged Luna out? Anyway, I also have stated that without a trade for a Juan Pierre-esque figure, the Cubs are dead in the water for 2005.

But last night, twice, it struck me that, even allowing for that possibility, that the year hinged on one play. It occurred first in the second inning, with two on base and Old Uncle Albie at the dish. I said out loud, "Here it is. If he gets a hit here, we'll be down at least four, and not only the game, but the season, is over". Well, we dodged one there.

Then in the ninth, we'd already given up the tying run, and the winning run in scoring position, I made the same claim. If we lose, box it up. We could trade for Ruth, Gehrig, and Mays, and it wouldn't make a shit. And it is so fucking sad when I have to agree with Joe Morgan, God almighty, I just had to go flush my ass out and wash my hands...but having BeerNutz bunt in the tenth is just plain ignorance!! In any lineup, there's eight guys who you could possibly justify bunting in that situation, but your cleanup-guy is not. He HAS to swing. So what happens? They walk Ramirez, the one guy you can count on. He pinches Barrett with Murton still on the bench, and he whiffs. Two outs, the great Neifi at the dish, and you just KNOW that if the Deadbirds hold us here, they'll strike quickly and deadly in their half of the 10th.

You know what happens next...Neifi kicks Al Reyes right in the testiculars, all of Dusty's "fine work" has been erased, and Cub World en-masse rightly celebrates a rare series win in the Toilet Bowl.

Winning, In Spite of Dusty. Sure, we can count of Neifi grand slams from here on out.
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Thursday, July 21

7/21/2005 02:58:00 PM by Rob

Plain and simple

When things are going well, he just sits there and chews his toothpick.

When we need a manager's input, like bullpen management, like situational baseball, like motivation by example, he's utterly useless.

Fire Dusty. Today. Get Joe Girardi to bring the team into St. Louis.
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7/21/2005 09:45:00 AM by Rob

What if 103 guys were telling ME how to do my job every day?

I figure that's how many Cub bloggers actively operate on a daily basis, and at this point in time, even the most optimistic have come to understand that the team as comprised is insufficient. It would be great if Jim Hendry were required to read us all every day, maybe Chuck Wasserstrom could print them out and hand them to him first thing, kind of a "presidential-type" briefing.

I just wonder what would happen if he could accomplish the following three things:

1) Trade Corey Patterson. Even in Iowa, his continued presence in the organization has to have a negative effect on the current outfielders: "Is he coming back?" He more or less signed his
walking papers today, as far as I'm concerned.

He basically asserts that nobody has ever told him to shorten his swing, or widen his hitting base. In baseball terms, these are damning indictments, because both of these suggestions were obvious to the MOST BRAIN DAMAGED of Cub fans who watch him swim in his own feces every day. Either he's a pathological liar, or the Cub development system is both spineless and clueless.

I agree with Greg Couch, that it's a little of both.

2) Trade for Juan Pierre. This may involve #1, if so, the better, but it isn't a necessary condition. In fact, since Corey makes as much as Pierre, it's hard to see Florida going for this. The Fish aren't exactly BEGGING to trade their world-class leadoff man; we'll have to smack them flush with prospects. Many shiny new ones.

But we're not winning anything without him.

3) Give a package of Kotex to Kerry Wood, and settle on someone to PERMANENTLY take his place in the rotation.

Look, nobody loves 20 K's or Atlanta, October 2003 more than I do. But, as Chuck said today, these instances are the flukes. The injuries, the comebacks, the lack of control - those are the certainties. I don't necessarily agree with Chuck that it is necessary to obtain A. J. Burnett, for isn't he basically M.O.T.S.?

We need to cement someone in the rotation, be it Meat Tray, Rusch, The Iceman, The Curve, I don't care. Bite the bullet, write them in with Ink, and in the occassional times that Kerrie is well enough to pitch, let him spot start. For sure, Prior will need some time off until the day comes when the Cubs decide to let him be a man about his vocation. Wood will be our 11 million dollar spot starter and long relief man. The money's gone...might as well pay him and get what you can. You'd get more in a trade with Corey than you'd get for Wood.
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Wednesday, July 20

7/20/2005 12:36:00 PM by Rob

There ain't no such thang as too much Maria Sharapova



If you do not agree, feel free to visit amazon.com for a nice gift for your boyfriend
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7/20/2005 09:31:00 AM by Rob

It would be a real shame to waste all this

I have been accused several times of wanting the Cubs to do badly, supposedly because if they did well, I'd have nothing to bitch about. Well, hey, I could always find plenty to bitch about, even if they were 13 games in FRONT of St. Looie right now, rather than 13 games behind. Especially if this were a Dusty Baker managed team, which it is.

I just think it would be a real shame if 2005 went by the books without rewarding the efforts of the following:

Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez: which goes without saying.


Mark Prior: he may be as fragile as Hilary Duff's supposed virginity, and they may treat him like a veal calf, but when he's been able to pitch, he has battled his ass off, and done very well. Unlike Kerry Wood, he hits the ground running. There's no need to endure 2-3 "adjustment" games where he can't find the plate, and he barely makes it to the fifth inning. One of these years, management will decide to start letting him pitch through a few of these injuries, and once he gets a consistent 36 starts a year, he'll start stacking Cy Youngs up like pancakes.

Neifi: he's never going to get the '!' back on his name, because he's never gonna hit .350 with a .600 SLG for a month for us again. He has regressed to the mean somewhat, but not all the way...I personally am happy, now that he is hitting seventh, to get his current level of production: a .260 average, some key hits to keep innings going, with his solid defense. I'm in no real hurry to see Nomar get back, and Nomar isn't what is going to tip this in, anyway.

Walker: once again, now that he is hitting second, where he should have been all along, notice the difference?

This should have been the lineup all along:

1) A Real Leadoff Hitter, 2) Walker, 3) Lee, 4) Ramirez/Burnitz, 5) see #4, 6) A Real Left Fielder, 7) Neifi, 8) Catcher, 9) Pitcher

You bat Ramirez fourth against lefties, and fifth against righties. Otherwise, you leave the lineup static. How many thousands of times must I tell you all: Players Love Routine. They need to "know their role". You and I can sit here and say that we wouldn't give a possumfuck if we batted second or seventh, we would just hit the ball as hard as we could, because we'd give our firstborn and our left scrotal sac for the chance yada yada yada. Once you "get there", once you feel that you belong, it seems to become very important to "know your role" and prepare for it.

I dunno, and I guess very few of us could know.

Finally: Dempster: yeah, me and some others were stumping for him to have the chance from day one, but I have to admit it had less to do with his own abilities than it did with the abilities of Hawkins, Borowski, Farnsworth, and everyone else they considered for the role. I honestly had no clue whether he could ACTUALLY close.

So there's five guys for you who are having the years of their lives, plus the excellence of Mark Prior. Throw in the consistent efforts of Burnitz, Barrett, Maddux and Rusch, as well as the Three-Ring Circus that is Carlos Zambrano, and this OUGHT to be enough.

We may even be able to create a three-headed monster in left, tossing Gerut into the mix with Hollandsworth and Murton, and live with that.

Or we can use some of that currency, along with Patterson, Hairston, and/or several of our so-called prospects for The Key, Version 05, at left.

Mr. Hendry, Jim, Jimmy? Dazzle 'em, overwhelm 'em...OVERPAY!!!
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Tuesday, July 19

7/19/2005 01:40:00 PM by Rob

Tremendous Upside Potential (TUP)

I told you I'd be back in full swing when the Cubs swung THE trade for THE guy that would enable us to come roaring back in the Central. Jody Gerut isn't THE guy. He doesn't have the TUP.

In the meantime, let's discuss a local topic for a minute. The grainy babe to my left is 23 year old Jeannette Sliwinski of north suburban Chicago. She's very beautiful, very very spoiled, and very very very clueless. And in very very very very much trouble.

She had a fight with her parents about whether or not she could drop her pet off at their house while she went out partying. So she decides she wants to "end it all". But does she suck some pipe, or gulp some lead, or drop some dope, or slash her pretty wrists? Nah, she decides to rev her cute little Mustang up past 70 mph on a main suburban thoroughfare, run a few red lights, and smash it into a car full of wanna-be rock stars at the intersection of Niles Center Rd and Dempster. Then, as they lay dying and she isn't, they ask her if she did it on purpose, she bats her dainty eyes and says "sure".

Now, she's up on three counts of first degree murder. She could ride Ol' Toasty, or more likely, be humanely euthanized.

What makes this very interesting if you are a cop, jail guard, judge or an attorney involved with this case, is that she (and her parents) are doing everything they can to mitigate the circumstances. Clearly, her desire to be one with the Reaper has dissipated, and she seems, with the blessing of her enabling parents, to be willing to do ANYTHING for mercy.

ANYTHING!

She just oozes with TUP.

Well, I have nothing but a lot of time to think of such things, what would I do if I were the Honorable Uncouth Sloth and I held this little dumplin's life in my greezy hands?

As you'd probably guess, I'd ask the defendant to meet me in chambers. I'd hand her a bottle of vodka. I'd ask her if she had any gymnastic training in the past.

I'd ask her if she had a lot of experience standing on her head, and holding her breath. I'd find out if she was double jointed, and if she were prone to be particularly queasy.

Nevertheless of whatever she answered, she'd have to spend the next several hours being crammed full of whatever I could muster, every input, every output, every angle, with and without duct tape, dry ice and my 1/8th scale Gene Simmons action figure. I'd get more Polish ass than the toilet seat in stall 1 of the lower deck women's john at Cracovia Stadium. She'd be dripping wet from no less than six natural and artifical fluid substances, and she'd have NOTHING to say about it.

Then I'd sentence the little slut to ten years of house arrest, and I'd come over twice a week to check on her progress.
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Monday, July 18

7/18/2005 12:57:00 PM by Rob

This Old Cub - a review



Now, please know that I loved Ron Santo, the player, somethin' fierce.

It was reel nice for WGN to show "This Old Cub" Saturday night, thus saving me the DVD rental money. Of course, I realize I then signed up for about 750 gratuitous commercials for everything Ron Santo-esque. But, overall, I was pleased with their effort.

The movie? There WAS some incredible footage of the Santo-era Cub games, and the scenes where he's sticking his stumps into his prosthetic legs weren't TOO gruesome. For a notably squeamish sort, I dealt with it ok. It won't scare your kids, in otherwords.

But what I didn't like about the movie is that although it was on the surface intended to be a full-length advertisement for Juvenile Diabetes, it came off to me as a full-length advertisement for Ron Santo, Hall-of-Fame candidate. Obviously the man isn't as self-aware and as fulfilled as he'd tell you he is. Someone who has led kind of a dream life, especially somebody who has succeeded to hold off a variety of fatal ailments through sheer hard work and dedication, you'd think they'd have more perspective on life, and what's most important.

He still seems to think that the Hall-of-Fame will shape him as a person. Look, this year was the best chance for him to gain entry, and he came up short. Time is not going to stand in his favor, between the inflated statistics of the Steroid Age and the sure demise of some of his buddies on the Veteran's Committee...you think, as time goes on, and guys who never even SAW Santo play (ie. Raffy Palmiero, Barry Bonds) get elected, that he's going to get MORE support?

If Ron wants to die, content, he's gonna hafta learn to live with the love of his family, his friends, and the Cub organization, and to live WITHOUT the Hall-of-Fame.

And, I'm afraid, without a World Series at Wrigley.
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7/18/2005 10:38:00 AM by Rob

It's not all "verrry good" yet

BTW, since they installed the "no fun filter" at work, do you know how Fucking Hard it is to find good pictures to use on my blogs? So I know ol' Ali Larter is blurry, sorry.

I watched "Varsity Blues" for the 312th time the other day, and there's a scene where Tweeder is trying to tell Mox not to worry, because "girls, all they want to do is drop they panties...a little Percoset, a few beers, and the Panties...Will...Come...Off!! This is goooood..."

And, as Mox looks at him crosseyed, Tweeder feels the need to repeat himself, even more vociferously, "This is Verrrry Gooood!!" Mox, of course, knows he's being bullshitted, and he casually asks Tweeder if he thinks he's gonna like prison.

Anyway, we're being told that things are "Verrrry Goood", our starting pitching is BACK, we've won 6 of 7, and "playoffs" is the most used word in the pages of the Tribune the last few days, and not just to describe the fortunes of the Dog Assed White Sox. Basically, I feel like I'm being told that losing Corey was the piece we needed, that he was bringing the whole works down with his poor plate discipline and his even poorer uncoachability, and once the Great Nomar brings his singles-hitting ass back to civilization, the Cubs will soar like a big-old-warship full o' bombs.

I mean, it's been a million yuks to watch us beat the snot out of the Pirates and Marlins, two bargain-basement teams that are on cruise control right now, and to breathe a sigh of relief because Big Z didn't break his fuckin' meat hand yesterday trying to stab a liner through the box. But what are we going to do about the Cardinals? The AssTrolls? The Reds, for chrissakes? It only SEEMS like Hairston is a major upgrade to Corey, because he might take a pitch or two. What was he against the Battlin' Buccos, 2-for-14?

We need someone who can get on base, and run the bases with abandon once they get there. We need Juan Pierre, and if he is available for anything less than Prior, Lee, or Ramirez, we have to do it. I hate to be a fuckin' copycat to Chuck, but I'm not going to write something different from him, just to be a dick, because he's fucking-A right!!!

Once again, I repeat my profession of faith: Unless we trade for a legit on-base leadoff man, we aren't doing dick in 2005. I don't care if Nomar comes off of the DL and hits .500. He doesn't run, or piss people off on the basepaths.

Besides....that ain't gonna happen. We'll be lucky if he comes in with the callups.
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Thursday, July 14

7/14/2005 03:45:00 PM by Rob

...and, the Danse of the Spectacularly Average marches on

The Cubs, after 88 games: 44-44. Well, assuming they don't cough this one up today. It should be ok, since LaTroy Hawkins is staying with his gay twin brother in San Francisco (whose name is, curiously enough, Joe).

Just a reminder, if you choose not do to anything to stop the roller coaster ride - up, down, up, down - the risk of breaking loose and plunging to a gruesome death is always lurking.

Is the fact that tamponhead Matt Murton is NOT the Golden Sombrero, Senor Corey, enough to save this offense? I know it would APPEAR so after the last four games. I dunno, it isn't enough to call me down from the ledge.

By the way, what does THIS picture do for you? My dick unzipped my trou ITSELF so he could have some stretchin' room...

I bet the websites for Russian brides just GROUND to a halt after this fucker got published...
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Wednesday, July 13

7/13/2005 03:38:00 PM by Rob

I'm still not happy

And, Liz Phair is still slutty.

This IS the all-star break, right? Three off-days for the vast majority of the baseball world. The absolute perfect time to inform a ballplayer that instead of coming back to Tampa Bay or Oakland or Indianapolis on Thursday, that they should go to Chicago to join the Cubs' roster.

Today is the last day of said hiatus, and what do we know?

That Matt Murton is our left fielder, that Jerry Hairston is our center fielder, at least until Felix Pie feels better, or until the unfathomable happens; namely, Corey Patterson yanks his head out of his ass. THIS is all we need to erase a 10 game deficit between us and the playoffs?

Yawn. I'll keep looking for pictures of tits - you keep beating the drums for Austin Kearns, or Aubrey Huff, or some other moron with a fake-assed faux-sophisticated 70's soap opera name.
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Tuesday, July 12

7/12/2005 12:41:00 PM by Rob

Sad day for us all

Late reaction to the recent 8-game losing streak?

Not at all, at all. It was announced today that everyone's favorite Tiffani-Amber is no longer a Thiessen. She was married in a small, lavish ceremony in Cali.

I was shocked to learn that she hasn't been in all that many movies. I mean, my God, if you needed to cast a stunning woman who was familar with men everywhere, she's your gal, right? Especially if you needed her to speak. If speaking wasn't an issue, then maybe you go with a Krista Allen.

Quite simply, just one of the all-time great babes. An Uncouth Sloth tribute to Tiffani, and all other ditzy cheerleaders, real or imaginary, everywhere! Here's hoping for a short marriage with a amicable parting...
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Friday, July 8

7/08/2005 01:41:00 PM by Rob

Back Up The Truck?
Why I think NOT at this time

At a time where praise should be strictly rationed, I will give kudos to Hendry for at least doing something I found unexpected: sending down Patterson and DuBois for a couple of kids. I never saw THAT coming. I figured there would be a trade, or maybe a release of the most heralded position prospect we have had since Joe Carter.

Lot of handwringing on other sites, wondering what this is going to do to Patterson's already fragile ego. Well, it isn't going to help one iota. He isn't man enough to dig down and fight.

You've seen the last of both the new Iowans. Dubois is destined to be the next Kansas City DH, and I think the next stop for Corey is Rookie ball, followed by perhaps a stint with the JackHammers.

I don't think this move was made with Corey in mind. The Brass fell in love with the new Braves kids, and decided that we would try our own. Make no mistake about it: this is NOT the beginning of a rebuild. The Cubs haven't rebuilt in my lifetime, and they aren't gonna start now. Not with five key pieces in the primes of their careers. You don't rebuild on a team with Lee, Ramirez, Wood, Prior, and especially with Zambrano, who is due for free agency in 2007.

As pathetic as it sounds, management is hoping once again to catch lightning in a bottle, hoping that these two kids will be the spark that pushes us back into the pennant race. That is, if Dusty will play the kids.

For they ain't gonna provide no spark sitting on the bench, and pinch hitting in the 8th inning. Especially when you consider that the alternatives are Benchwarmer-For-Life Todd Hollandsworth, and Shit-For-Hire Jose Macias. Oh, and Mental-Midget-Jerry Hairston, Jr. What good did THAT do, publicizing that he doesn't know how to read signs?

Remember what I said in March, when we wondered about the lack of a left fielder? That if Holly got 400 at bats, we'd finish fourth? Yep, even after three months of Super Derrek Lee and a month each of Super Neifi!! and Super Aramis, that's where we're heading. Fourth, behind the trainwreck AssTrolls and the garage sale Brewers.

Is Dusty going to play the kids? If not, then I'd fire him immediately. Me myself, I covet Joe Girardi. To me, he is our only hope for 2005, if we could bring him in to manage, tomorrow, the sooner the better. The Cubs are NOT going to back up the truck, you are NOT going to see Walker, Remlinger, Maddux, Burnitz, and the rest traded to (other) contenders. Someone has to wake THESE guys up, make THEM play harder, smarter, more together.

But, barring that, if Dusty at least plays the kids, at least we'll know that everyone's rowing the same canoe. Hendry didn't bring them here to carry Jose Macias' baggage. No, no, Jose-a workin' for them!!
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Tuesday, July 5

7/05/2005 02:40:00 PM by Rob

NOTHING

Until the Cubs complete a trade for a quality on-base percentage hitter than will kick-start their measly offense, this is what you'll see on the Sloth. Enjoy.

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