The Uncouth Sloth - born 2002, died 2006. R.I.P.

10/31/2003 09:10:00 AM by Rob

moot point

Texas will never agree to an ARod trade that doesn't include Wood, so I will waste no more breath on it. I just hope that Management realizes that they have a lot to play with, and I hope they are thinking big, instead of planning on overpaying on several mediocres to fill in the blanks.

10/31/2003 08:59:00 AM by Rob

Trying to light the pilot on the hot stove

Intriguing article in today's New York Post about the Red Sox, the Rangers, and an unnamed "third team". Seems that Texas will trade ARod for pitching. The Sawx are sick of not only Manny, but No-mah. This makes little sense to me, 'cause isn't Nomah the kind of OBP machine the saberweenies love? Yes, he's hurt often, but so are a lot of other guys. Now, the Sawx don't have the depth in pitchers that Texas demands, so the third team becomes necessary, and guess who has pitching?

Well, anyway, why this matters to us is that that, when asked who else he would like to play for, ARod mentioned the Mutts and.....yes, your Chicago Cubs. Well, the Mutts don't want him. It's just nice to be on people's short list.

More on this in a bit.

The other article was in today's Trib, where it is noted that after Sammy picks up his option, and there is no mention of giving him the Ramirez treatment, dammit, that the Cubs will have $55M tied up in 8 guys: Prior, Wood, Sosa, Alou, Gonzalez, Erroris, Remlinger, and Miller. They are also planning on picking up Clement's option, and of course, they have rights to Zambrano, Cruz, Choi, Farnsworth, Patterson, Borowski, and Martinez.

They could shed around $25M with the expected departures of free agents Eric Karros, Mark Grudzielanek, Antonio Alfonseca, Shawn Estes, Dave Veres and Mark Guthrie. Of those six, Grudzielanek is the only one who may return, though it would be at a salary much lower than the $5.5M he earned in 2003.

They ended the season with a payroll of $83M. Right now, they are around $65M, and they are aiming for a payroll around $90M. So you got $25M from which to build outfield depth, catching depth, make decisions at first and second, and fill in your bullpen, according to Jim Hendry.

Or, if you see it my way, you cheaply sign Lofton and Goodwin, put Alou at first, have a competition in the pen with some of the much-ballyhooed pitching prospects, and use the remaining $17M to get real offensive options behind the plate and in the middle infield. If so, then you can trade the $4M from Gonzalez, to add to the pool.

Anyway, back to my original thought. S'pose we wanted ARod. Fuck Boston, who needs them in this equation. Is there a way to fit him in under the salary structure, and not give up too much of our pitching core? In other words, not give up Kerry Wood?

If you insist that Gonzalez be part of the trade, you do not sign Lofton, you let Choi take over 1B (since he will now be allowed to develop because ARod provides power numbers to make up the difference), then you have 65 - 4 = 61 + 25 = 86, and you have 4M left to cover a backup catcher, 5th outfielder, 3 bullpen arms, and oops, you still don't have a second baseman.

Well, the good news is that there actually still is some money left, because the bad news is that Texas will demand major league arms as part of the deal, and they probably will insist on Wood. We could offer them Z, Cruz, and/or Clement, but not all three. That would free up enough salary to bring back Grud.

So the question is, would you throw your salary structure out of whack, and risk gutting your pitching staff? Well, how etched in stone is the salary cap? Next, are guys ready on the farm? Do we have a guy ready to step in the rotation NOW, as well as a couple of guys that can work out of the pen?

If so, then I would do it. I think Wellmeyer and Guzman might be ready, and how is Sanchez and Webb? I wasn't real impressed with Sergio MeatTray. Is Steve Chaisson and Will Ohman finally healthy? Chaisson was good for a while in the pen.

Thursday, October 30

10/30/2003 12:36:00 PM by Rob

New word in the English language

ram-ir-ez (v.) - To place a player on irrevocable waivers, to risk losing his services without benefit of a trade, not because he is a bad player, but because your team is better without the player and the player's salary; (vi.: ramirez-ed); He was ramirezed because his teammates grew weary of his selfishness. From the latin ramirez: sullen, distant.

The idea dawned on me as I happily bit into my Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. Actually, it was Dan Bernstein's idea on The Score.

Anyway, once Sammy picks up his player option, he should be ramirezed. The Steingrabber is not going to pick up Ramirez himself, at $20.5M annually, and he already has DH candidates in the Nick Johnson/Jason Giambi platoon. But a serviceable RF, with the charisma and marketing power of el jefe, for a mere $16.5M annual bite?

Oh, what could be done to the offense, with the additional $16.5M, the $9M savings from overpriced arsonists Alfucksucka, Guthrie, Estes and Veres, the $15 or so million not being paid to Glanville, Womack, Simon, Karros, possibly Grud and O'Leary, the $4 million we can recoup if we can trade AGonz, and maybe most importantly, the breath of freshness that will waft through the clubhouse, once the monstrous Panasonic boombox is removed from in front of the air duct.

Think you could get a Tejada, Pudge, Castillo and a Vlad for $44M? OK, maybe switch Aurilia for Tejada. Now it feels like a better fit.

10/30/2003 10:22:00 AM by Rob

Nada

My wife was involved in a major car accident as a child, which twisted her back. As a young adult, she fell off the back of a motorcycle, doing more back damage. As a slightly less young adult, she tried to lift a niece and further ruptured her disk. Never once did she have anything done about it. Now, pushing 40, her back has gotten to the point where it is no longer comfortable for her to sit, stand, or lie.

Ummm, which doesn't leave much for her to do but go to the hospital, which is where we were yesterday, which was OK as far as the Sloth is concerned because I didn't have anything to write about anyway, save the fact that you generally don't hear famous people talk about one another the way Kobe and Shaq have been lately. Yet, Kobe comes limping out sometime after the start of the second half, and parks his butt right next to the Diesel on the Lakers' bench. You got a death wish, boy?

Shaq has always been "me first, me second, then me". But Kobe, man, it isn't often you see someone slip off of the rails of sanity the way he has lately.

It appears that Hendry is in no hurry to go out and resign all of the Heroes of the Revolution out of loyalty. That's good. It is also good that he is not going to bite on the $100M hook the Red Sox have tossed out there for Manny Ramirez. In case you don't know, Manny is on Irrevocable Waivers. Anyone who wants him can have him, for free, even if the Steingrabber bites, the Sox cannot take him back. Of course, you gotta pay the assclown, too, $20 milldo per for the next 5.

It also appears that the Great Sideshow Fraud himself, Sammy Sosa, is not going to opt out. It would be cool if, after he returned to the fold, he could be traded to the Yankees for a young catcher and relievers. I don't imagine they will give us their good catcher. Maybe talent wise, Sosa-for-Posada is fairly close, but understand that the Cubs will want the Yanks to take over paying his contract, too. You gotta give for that one.

It's a down time right now. There are a few teams filling management openings, and once that is settled, then we can see the direction a few key franchises are heading, such as Florida and the Yankees. Are the Yankees going to tear apart their roster? Is Florida going to be able to keep everyone?

The thing is, the Cubs are in a good position NOW to attract quality free agents. Guys are always saying dumbass things like "Money is not a consideration, I want to play for a winner." Well, this is the one silver lining to this year's short-sell playoff run. They won this year, and they do still have Prior and Wood. If anyone looks like a winner, who can do it all with a few key acquisitions, it would be us.

To have a chance at Pudge, Vlad, and Tejada! We have always managed to step on the rake the very next year, and blow any perceptions about winning long-term. We must be careful not to do the same thing, this time.

Tuesday, October 28

10/28/2003 11:36:00 AM by Rob

Building a Dynastic Organization Through Free Agency

Yup, took a look at the Major League Free Agent list, jotted down the names that caught my eye.

First, I submit the name of Tom Goodwin. He is a Cub free agent that should be re-signed regardless. He was our best pinch-hitter, can defend at all three OF positions, and along with Randall Simon, represents our late-inning bench strength for 2004.

The rest of the names will fall under two categories:

1) Names of players that have pitched in Chicago, so I have seen them, and may not cost a fortune to fill one or more of the holes left by the departing Estes, Veres, Guthrie, and Alfucksucka

2) Names of marquee offensive players. We have the back end of the roster filled nicely with Martinez, Choi, Goodwin and Simon. We don't need any more 'B' players.

Category 1

Scott Sullivan, rhp. Killed us with the Reds. Set-up guy, knows how to pitch in Wrigley. Is going to command a significant salary for a set-up man.

Antonio Osuna, rhp. Pitched well at times for the Sux. Won't cost much.

Todd Van Poppel, rhp. Kerry Wood, circa 1990. Pitched well for us, went to Texas, got clobbered. Wouldn't cost much, again. Some say that with our starters, including Cruz, and considering that we already have a Kyle Farns #44, we don't need another right-handed flame-thrower. A change of pace may throw them off guard. Which leads us to...

Rod Beck, rhp. Were there hard feelings, and were they so bad that he wouldn't consider coming back one more time, this time with a $1M guarantee? Stellar clubhouse guy.

Dan Plesac, lhp. Guthrie was supposed to be the LOOGY, the Lefthanded One Out GuY. The Sac would do it, for a lot less, for a hometown discount.

Tim Worrell, rhp. Pitched very well once he left us, was SF closer last year. Is basically Reg'lar Joe. Do you show loyalty to Reg'lar Joe, or do you bring this guy in for a couple of million, and let Joe pitch the 8th innings for now on? I might consider it.

Category 2

Miguel Tejada - Assuming the Steingrabber decides to pay for the 28-yr-old Vlad rather than the 34-yr-old Sammy, this is the guy I want the most, personally. Yeah, you're gonna overpay. I am confident that, with financial stability, that this guy will be the next step to our becoming at least adequate offensively. Others disagree, the world is full of Latins that went soft once they got the big payday. Are we ready to shed that stereotype?

Ivan Rodriguez - once again, his price has probably doubled since the playoffs began. But how many catchers are complete ballplayers anymore? One? Thought so.

Rich Aurilia - knowing the Cubs, they are not going to be the top bidder for Miggy T. Knowing Dusty, he is probably salivating at the idea of getting his guy back. I actually count on it.

Richie Sexson - once again, this seems so Cublike. Whenever I see this jamoke, he just looks like a Cub. Big man, big swing, big holes. But whither Big Choi if you bring in Sexson for four plus years? Myself, I would put Alou at first, for one more year, while Choi develops completely.

Kenny Lofton - as of last month, he could still lead off. He can't really play CF anymore. We have a CF. Why not play him in left, and let Alou protect his twingy hamstrings at first?

10/28/2003 10:27:00 AM by Rob

Best seat in the house

Since I am a mere fledgling portal o' venom, I have no reason to deny a young man's request to link to his View From the Bleachers. He does the first thing right, namely, openly wish that the Steingrabber would take the Slightly Slimmer Sammy away from us.

Here's the thing about Sammy. He's not really the anti-Christ. Hell, if you've paid attention to the whole Shaq/Kobe beef, Sammy looks like a boy scout in comparison. The fact is, for someone who has watched baseball, specifically Cubs baseball, for many years, he is a productive player who has ridden a wave from 1997-2002 of bad pitching, smaller parks, and rampant supplement use to post monstrous statistics. See, 60 homers would be a great achievement if everyone else was hitting 30. Then, you would be at a great advantage against your competition. But when your competitors have their own people who are also hitting 40, 45, 50+, then your 60 doesn't really buy that much.

He's more like a lightning rod for the Johnny-come-lately's, or the Bleacher Dude set who don't know good baseball from good beer.

Let's compare it to soccer. Now, I know there are better players than David Beckham, but let's put that aside for a second. But he played for the most famous team, and he married a Spice Girl. So if I were trying to pose as a "football fan", I might say that my favorite player was Beckham, and I can go around proclaiming his greatness, and it would be hard to argue with me. He certainly CAN play. But if you were a True Fan, you could find 10 guys better than he. BUT I've never heard of them (which is true). I've heard of Beckham, so he MUST be the best. It's another example of the media making up our minds for us, as is the Sosa phenomenon.

Sammy Sosa is the patron saint of the casual fan. When someone goes after me for "bashing" Sammy, that shows me that they do NOT understand the importance of hitting behind a runner, making contact, hitting a cutoff man, holding runners to one base, running to force the action, and of greatest importance to me, Putting the Team First Before One's Self.

So, the quickest way to MY heart is to advocate the removal of His Supplementness. Since the self-described Bleacher Bum got that straight, at least, welcome to the club, my friend. There's plenty of territory in Cub Nation, and the more and the more vocal, the better.

Monday, October 27

10/27/2003 10:50:00 AM by Rob

Congrats to the Fighting Fish!

The Marlins won the World Series, and the good news for us extends beyond the fact that any day the Yankees lose is a good one.

When the Yanks lose, their owner flips his lid, and starts thrashing about wildly trying to make his team "invincible".

Now, the key to all this for us is to somehow end up next spring with Sosa wearing black pinstripes, and Vlad Guerrero wearing blue ones, and not the other way around.

But there really isn't a way I can see the Cubs outbidding Steinbrenner for Vlad. And, even if we did, what if Sosa decides to pick up his option, then vetoes any trade we try to make with him.

Then we're stuck with Vlad and Sosa. Ohhhhh, NOOOOOO....

I honestly think that the three absolutes for this winter are: there will be death, there will be taxes, and Vlad Guerrero will be a Yankee. I wish, just for once, that we could beat the Yankees at their own game.

10/27/2003 09:47:00 AM by Rob

Seth Speaks, but do people listen?

This little play-on-words from the old Merril Lynch commercials is brought to you by Seth Speaks, a Minne-no-place-centric site. Today, for example, he posted a study on bang-for-the-buck in terms of OPS per dollar salary, wherein his Twins would do very well, and the overpaid Cub offense would not show up. In fact, in all five of his salary categories, not once did a Cub show up.

What was funny though, was the fact that the Great Sosa did not show up on his top-ten list of highest-paid sluggers, thus he did not show up on the list of top ten least-bang-for-the-buck. I was really really hoping to show that, which would further serve to prove my point about him, namely, he isn't worth what we are paying him.

On the way in today, and man, was it a long ride in today, I was formulating a trade with the Steingrabber. Here it is.

Sosa for Jon Lieber (aka Jon Lover), Chris Hammond (RP), and Michel Hernandez (C).

We then have our fifth starter, our catcher of the future, and our second best bullpen pitcher.

Friday, October 24

10/24/2003 12:49:00 PM by Rob

Sloth Manifesto, Part XLVII

The 47th installment of occasional attempts to either attract or segment an audience.

I think Roy of Seigfried and Roy got what he deserved.

So did Kobe Bryant. So, for that matter, has his accuser. Anyone who goes up, alone, to a professional basketball player's suite to check on the operation of his hot tub is either too naive to be let out of the house, or auditioning for a role in the sequel to the movie Fourteen.

No means no. It is wrong to believe otherwise. How effective your negative declaration is, however, in the short term, depends on the position you have placed yourself in.

We shouldn't spend another fruitless day in Iraq. How come we have to pour billions a week into this run-down Jiffy Lube when we pursue "diplomacy" with North Korea, and we play grab-ass with Saudi Arabia?

ESPN Sportscenter, like all good things, has jumped the shark.

I would never ask my wife, my daughter, my son's girlfriend, my sister, or anyone I really cared about to have an abortion, because I am blessed enough to where I have other options. But at the same time, I would never impose my will, one way or another, about this topic to the rest of you.

You show me a child who, at the age of two, has endured horrific abuse and neglect for every single day of his life, and dies at the hands of a "caregiver", because the mother was too poor, too young, too drug-addled, or too crazy to provide her child with the most minimal of rights, that of food, shelter, safety and an education, and I'll seriously wonder if this child was better off being born.

When you get right down to it, the clowns who parade around with pictures of fetuses, shouting Pro-life, bug me. But even more are the fem-bots who look equally selfish shouting about their freedom of choice, as if aborting a baby should be as simple as treating heartburn. Abortion should NEVER be an instrument of convenience.

So yes, I straddle the fence. Just like nearly everything else in life, there is a time and place for it. But it should be an extreme measure.

I am not in favor of handing out so many death sentences to grown people, either. But, there are those who desperately deserve a ride in Ol' Toasty, for particularly heinous compound or habitual crimes that involve murder, to crimes against the helpless of our society, the young, old, and infirm, and for jaking it after signing a lucrative three-year contract with the Cubs. (Yes, Danny Fucking Jackson, I mean YOU!)

I think the national deficit is wrong, that there will come a day when we simply will be in default to certain parties, and our government will come crashing down, beholden to the Chinese, the Russian Mafia, Matushita Corporation of Nippon, Al Qaida, or something else like that. In college, I interviewed with the NSA, and the theme that they repeatedly drummed was "never leave yourself vulnerable", lest I would then fall prey to some party hell-bent on obtaining national secrets.

Well, then, why are we as a nation making ourselves financially vulnerable? Is this why we can't take on the Saudis, when it is pretty clear that they are the wellspring of most of the terrorism in the world? Are we beholden to those which seek to destroy us? And, why CAN'T we just let Israel take care of themselves? They seem pretty good at it, and tend to kick and scream whenever we ask them to play nice.

Maybe isolationism was a bad thing in the early 1900's, but that is no longer really possible anymore. Maybe we need to pull back, take care primarily of ourselves, and let everyone else fend for themselves. Well, you say, we're here to prevent Hitler from ever coming back....but that hasn't stopped what has happened in Bosnia, Afghanistan, any number of the 'stan's in the old USSR, half of Africa, and we sure as hell aren't going to be able to solve anything between the Israelites and the Palestinians.

We need to take our best minds away from trying to figure out where the next nutcase might be hiding, and put them to work figuring out how we can be more self-supportive, and we can start in figuring out enforceable ways we can get our people to use less oil.

Of course, if the Cubs would have just managed to get the Marlins back in the dugout in the 8th inning of Game 6, all of this would be for naught. It's the truth. It would all still be there, but I wouldn't give a shit less, and neither would you.

10/24/2003 10:48:00 AM by Rob

Taking up the slack of others

While I sit here weighted down by the sheer crushing mass of disappointment, we got someone getting it done over at the Cub Fan Nation.

A seven nation army couldn't hold him back....

10/24/2003 10:32:00 AM by Rob

Let's kick ass in 2004

If you do not read The Cub Reporter, the one that started it all for me, please go there and put him on your favorites list.

This week, he is trying to figure out how to build an actual dynasty in Wrigley Field, a team that kicks ass, in his words. So far, I have not found a single solitary thing to argue with him with.

To summarize, he believes that throwing good money away on pitching help is worthless, considering the core we have already. He feels that it would be a good idea to give Cruz the fifth slot in the rotation once and for all, while I think that he and Z are too tasty as trade bait for us to actually still have both to use once they start up again. I'm not saying we SHOULD trade either one, but I bet they do.

I still think we choked, that somehow Dusty should have figured out a way to win ONE of the last three games. But I am starting to realize the obvious: that Florida is better than us. I personally think we would have been lucky to win a single game against the Yankees, whereas the Fish are one game away from winning. So, postseason wise, they are better than us, and no matter how it came about, the best team won.

And, admit it, we went on quite a run, but did you ever truly think the Cubs were dominant this year? I consider 2003 to be a happy accident. I want to be dominant next year!! There will be 10 or more new faces next year, and I must have faith that the ten new faces, on whole, will be more effective than the ones they replaced.

It is possible that Estes, Guthrie, and Alfucksucka will be replaced by three minor leaguers, and that the three kids will not be any more effective. But they will also make over $9M less, and that 9 milldo can be used, say, for a catcher that can hit, or a shortstop that won't strike out 150 times, or to shore up other deficiencies at second or first.

Thursday, October 23

10/23/2003 04:05:00 PM by Rob

Hel-lo, Newman

Yes, just like Gregg Easterbrook of ESPN.com's Tuesday Morning Quarterback, I have been taken off of the internet for calling the heads of Disney and Miramax studios "Jewish executives who worship the dollar", because of that piece of Quentin Taratino shit "Kill Bill, Vol. 1". On my list of Over-Rated, Quentin Tarantino is way, way up at the top. Right there with Karl Malone, Kyle Farnsworth, and Krispy Kreme.

But because I didn't actually write about it, at least until now, I got to come back, for a little while.

Actually, I am still numb from last week, I was at a two-day project management seminar (wake me up when it's time to go, eh?) and I was getting my ass chewed today, primarily due to my lack of project management skillz. So I have had little to write about.

No, it is too painful for me to watch the Fish and the Evil Empire, not that I would anyway. I rarely if ever watch baseball that doesn't involve the Cubs.

Oops, gotta go. I'll hit you all manana.

Monday, October 20

10/20/2003 11:06:00 AM by Rob

After further review, it still hurts

I feel just as miserable now as I did Tuesday. Flipping channels and running into the World Series doesn't help. Having countless "year in review" highlight packages on all the local channels doesn't help, either. Whose bright idea is this? It's like having your kid run over by a car, your neighbor happened to be outside with his camcorder, and you're forced to watch it over and over again at some court hearing. Who enjoys having to relive the pain over and over? Yes, it's nice we hit so many home runs, but we all know how the movie ends, and it's not a happy ending.

People from all aspects of my life have been sending me condolences. I guess I am proud to be regarded as a Cub fan, especially one who deeply cares. As Stew so succintly put it in the Coven, I bash because I care.

All we have now is the wait for the postseason to end, so we can start to find out how McFail and Hendry are going to flesh out next year's team. So far, we know that Alou had a player option, which he unsurprisingly invoked. So we have him next year. I still wonder, since Choi has not shown he is ready for prime time, what life would be like if Alou played first base next year? We will get a reasonably healthy Corey, and we can re-sign Lofton. We now have our 1-2 punch for the future, and the left half of the outfield will be well-covered, which helps ERA's and other such pitching stats.

If I were the King, I would start with a blank whiteboard, draw a baseball diamond, write "Ramirez" in the left hand corner, and try to fit the best names in the other seven places on the chart. That of course includes the Big Swollen, and as always, please continue to say your novenas that the Marlins win the World Series due to some inability of Karim Garcia to perform, then Steingrabber all of a sudden has the incurable craving to sign Sammy Sosa to a $20M annual deal in his latest attempt to monopolize baseball.

Friday, October 17

10/17/2003 02:14:00 PM by Rob

Let's talk about next year

This is for all you Polly-annas who think the Cubs are just gonna toss their gloves out there and win 100 games next year.

Consider this: there will be between 10-11 new faces next year on the 25-man.

Not counting my dream of dreams, for Sam Sosa to exercise his option and be Karim Garcia's RF caddy in the Bronx, these men have more than likely taken their last shower in the home clubhouse at Wrigley:

Alfucksucka
Guthrie
Veres
EITHER Cruz or Zambrano - I honestly can't see them keeping both, especially considering their late-season struggles with maturity.
Bako
Karros
Womack
Glanville
O'Leary
Estes
Gonzalez OR Grud
Lofton

I left the last two on purpose. In my little world, Lofton would stay in CF, Patterson would play RF, and Sosa would become New York's favorite new metrosexual. But Lofton has played his stock back up a bit, and I bet the free agent value for a true leadoff hitter has risen, for perhaps a Houston, a St. Louis, the Rocks, the D'Backs, Giants, or Dodgers. And that's just the contenders in the NL.

As for Gonzalez, he is not such a great deal, salary vs. expected performance. But I feel that the Cubs are not satisfied with him at short, and if they were able to move the Turd last year, they can manage to move AGonz, if they so desire. It will also be interesting to find out which Grud the Cubs think they have. The September Grud was very very good. The October Grud was horrid.

So, at least 10 holes, and as many as 12. For some reason, I just feel Richie Sexson in my bones. Not because I want him, mind you. He just FEELS like a Cub. Choi is not ready, may not ever be, and it would be so Cublike to go sign Sexson now, in the wake of passing over Thome last winter, and call this our BIG free-agent splash.

As for who else will fill the holes, I suspect you will see another ex-Braves reliever, another retread lefty starter, maybe a couple of more ex-Giants like Rich Aurilia and Yorbit Torrealba, and let's see, which ex-Cubs are out there floating around? Who is this year's Doug Glanville? I think Tyler Houston needs a home. Maybe we can bring Jose Hernandez back again, huh?

In my bizarro world

I would sign Pudge AND Miggy Tejada AND Vlad Guerrero, convince Moises Alou to play first while Choi has another go-around the league. Lofton would play left, Patterson would play CF, and Greg Maddux would come back as my third starter-assistant pitching coach. Shawn Estes would be the color man on the radio, and Alfucksucka would be squeege-ing windshields at the car wash next to the players' parking lot.

10/17/2003 09:55:00 AM by Rob

Incidentally

The man with the most homeruns in a Cub uniform?

Ernie Banks, with 512.

Sammy Sosa has 511, if you count his two playoff homers.

I for one would like to see it end this way. Opt out, El Jefe!

10/17/2003 09:02:00 AM by Rob

Opinions expressed here are not always well-reasoned or insightful

Just making sure you all know that.

Yes, it is perhaps indicative of a larger problem that the fortunes of a sports team affects my demeanor, but I have been numb since Tuesday. I will probably continue to feel somewhat empty for a long time now.

I was accused of jumping off the Cub bandwagon. I in fact did jump off after game 6, for reasons I cited yesterday, but to recap: they have given me no reason to believe that they would actually bounce back to win game 7.

I had faith during the regular season, because they have won divisions twice before, so it was logical to believe that they could win the Central division. I had faith during the NLDS, because what the hell is an NLDS anyway? To me, it is just an extra layer of money-making playoff excess, and there is little precedent one way or another (one instance) of predicted Cub success. But the Pennant, we do have 58 consecutive instances of failure there.

If you are watching a child try to tie their shoes for the first time, and 58 times they fail, there really is no reason to expect them to get it on the 59th try. They MIGHT, but chances are that the 59th try is going to work out just the same as the 58th.

My main point was meant to be that we love our Cubs, to a fault. We consider Sammy Sosa to be a superstar, Ramirez, Alou, and Wood to be stars, and Prior to be a superstar-in-the-making. Well, compare them to the performance of Pudge (superstar), Beckett and Cabrera (superstars-in-the-making), and Ugie Urbina (star). Regular season stats are just one component. You need to be able to do it when it counts. You need to put fear in the hearts of the opposition. Every time Pudge and Cabrera stepped to the plate, I stopped breathing.

THAT is the true measure of impact, and there isn't a single person on our squad, including the Great Sammy Sosa, that has that same impact. The problem is, he is being paid and treated as if he does, and if you are looking to perfect the product, and build a winner, that is as good a place as any to start.

Exercise your option, big man. Go to Nueva York, or somewhere else where they love you, and tell your story walkin'.

Thursday, October 16

10/16/2003 09:53:00 AM by Rob

To readers Joe and Tex-Mex

To Joe: I gotta say, you are exactly the type of Polly-anna brainless "cub fan" that I have been railing against since the beginning. How old are you? How long have you been a "fan"?

When I was 6, 8, 10, even 13 years old, I believed Ernie Banks when he said the Cubs were going "all the way" this year. If Ernie meant going all the way to Sports Corner for a chin-tightener, maybe he had a point. But this year marks the 34th year I have sat and watched the Cubs miss out on the World Series, and they have done it nearly every way humanly possible.

There ARE such things as momentum, and trends. When these guys are quoted as saying that "they don't believe in curses, etc", they are so full of shit their eyes are brown. Maybe there isn't such thing as a curse, but there ARE trends, and the Cubs arrow has been trending downward for 60 years. Until they show me otherwise, and NOT A SECOND BEFORE, I will assume the worst, not the best scenario.

If expecting the best, when 58 years of results suggest otherwise, makes you a Cub fan, then FUCK IT, I don't want it.

And Tex-Mex, what fan of which team are YOU? To suggest that I LIKE wallowing in my own filth is not only insulting, but suggests to me that your understanding of human nature is not completely formed, either.

Yes, maybe it appears to you that I don't have a life outside of railing on incessantly about the Cubs, but let me fill you in on my life. I have a wife, a family, and 98% of my energies are spent making sure that they are provided for. I live in North Central Illinois, literally, and I drive 100 miles each way for my job, because there isn't jack shit available between here and there. When I get to my job, I spend several hours a day making sure that a $4 billion company has financial data available to it. When I get a chance, I indulge in my one and only hobby, keeping up with the sports world. I spend about 20 minutes a day writing here. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is mostly passed along via genetics, but partly due to the fact that I lived with parents that were themselves both children of alcoholics, and I was subjected to a moderately severe pattern of mental abuse that I have worked over 7 years to overcome. Along the way, I have managed to pick two of the most unsuitable creatures possible to marry, and between the two of them, they took away my whole life savings, my dignity, and what little emotional strength I have left. My poor wife now took on the responsiblity of bringing me back to some semblance of what I used to be, and this takes every ounce of energy she has.

It takes everything I have to perform my job and drive home, so that my family is provided for, and after I get home, hear about the kids' day, help them a little with homework, go to football, volleyball, and basketball games, cub scout meetings, and band recitals, I manage to spend a little time trying to connect with my wife. I do not watch TV, I do not do much reading anymore, and I do absolutely NOTHING for myself but be a Cub fan.

In a completely stressful life, there is nothing more I would like to be able to do than sit here and say that MY TEAM, the Chicago Cubs, were Champions of the National League. If you want to find me, and say that to my face, I would then proceed to hit you, and try my best to pummel you until you were senseless.

So, fuck you very much.

10/16/2003 09:28:00 AM by Rob

Whoever said white guys can't sing the blues, must not be a Cub fan

I hereby declare the 2003 season a success, with conditions.

What did we learn from the playoff run, besides the fact that there are certain Cub fans, not all of them named Steve Bartman of Northbrook, IL, who works at Hewitt Associates of Lincolnshire, IL, and thinks that his need to go home with a $10 baseball is more important than the Cubs winning a pennant, yes, there are certain fans who are complete fuckwads and need to find more suitable entertainment, like smoking a cheeba and trying to whack off with super glue, or maybe going to a Sux game?

We learned that we cannot count on Prior and Wood the way the D-backs leaned on Schilling and Unit in 2001, just ask Sandy Koufax (Don Drysdale is pushing up daisies) how many rings he has? We need to do a better job in finding bullpen talent...names and money alone do not mean quality.

We indeed learned that Dusty is not the Messiah, and in fact, doesn't have a clue as to how to handle a pitching staff. I still think staying with the regular rotation was the right thing to do, but everything else, from his misuse of Remlinger, to his obsession with Alfucksucka, to the lack of development of the Manwhore named Kyle, and ending with his inability to understand that perhaps he, too, should have some of his starters warming up in the 4th inning when it was clear to one and all that Kerry Wood just...didn't...have it last night, suggests that he should delegate the pitching staff to Larry Rothschild.

We learned who performs well under pressure, and who does not. We learned that Tom Goodwin is a nice man to have on the bench, and we also learned that Randall Simon is NOT a nice man to give even a platoon role to. We learned that Grud was playing over his head most of the year, we learned that we need a real catcher if at all possible, since the 8 hole has become even more of an automatic out than the 9 hole. The 7 hole, with so-called slick fielder Alex Gonzalez, is almost there, too.

We learned that E-Ramis isn't too bad, Kenny Lofton probably deserves another one-year deal, and that Moises Alou is a pretty nice ballplayer. I'd keep them all.

We learned that Eric Karros is a nice guy, and I don't know where he is from, originally, but I hope the team close to there throws him a few bucks to go play there next year.

We learned that Carlos Zambrano may be, in fact, just 22, because he acts like he's 11.

Most of all, and I cannot stress this enough, and in fact count on a long winter of more of the same, but the day that Sammy fucking Sosa leaves town will be the next best day of my life! Did you see Pudge? THAT'S how Superstars play in the playoffs. That son-of-a bitch beat us himself, well, him and Josh Beckett and Miguel Cabrera, who is just too fucking good.

To me, the big stud Pitcher in today's world is no longer Mark Prior, it's Josh Beckett.

To me, the big $17 million loser who only plays for himself, who only got like 5 postseason RBI when Pudge had nearly 20, who does NOT pull his weight, earn his keep or play like a star, an teammate or a man, is Sammy. Where was he in games 5 through 7? Where were the big clutch hits? Where was the superhuman effort? When you make 25% of the team's payroll, you need to do at least that much, and he did slightly less than Alou, Ramirez, or even Gonzalez, for Christ's sake.

If I were GM, my first, second, third and only priority is to see how much he is worth on the trade market, and I would give up almost anything to get rid of him.

He sucks, he blows, he is a dick, a pussy, a cock, a fudgepacker, an asshole, a no-good lousy cockbreath ass-bleeding pus-blowing cum-soaked fly-borne disease.

Wednesday, October 15

10/15/2003 11:22:00 AM by Rob

The moron who interfered should be killed!

ORCHARD PARK, NY: I know, the fucknuts didn't walk the batter, give up the additional hits, walks, sac flies, etc.

But, I believe in the 1945 Billy Goat, the 1969 Shea Stadium black cat, Royko inflaming the SD fans in 1984. I honestly could not watch the game last night. I just knew we were going to choke on it.

God has chosen, and He is giving me a day to brood, bent over in the position, just waiting for tonight when He is going to finish shoving it up my bunghole. He puckered me over last night, and just like one of the whores on maxheadroom.com, I'm just hunched over, lipstick smeared all over my mouth, with my red gaping orifice open wide enough to shove a pop bottle in.

Kids, now you know what 1984 felt like, as we watched a seemingly unsurmountable lead slip away. You now know why we old fucks are so cynical. You now know about leaning way too hard on a sure thing like Mark Prior. You now realize that we are cursed, that the 2003 curse of the moron Walkman fan is just another manifestation of Satan's hold over the Cubs. You now know not to count your money until the dealing is done. You will know how it feels to keep a bottle of cheap champagne in your fridge until the foil peels off of the neck, the label fades to illegibility, and the bubbles flatten to vinegar.

You now know why we are so desperate.

I thought Dusty was the Messiah. I guess the weight of the Curse is even too much for him.

I said Cubs in six. I am now officially wrong. Marlins in 7. Dear God, just be quick, and don't stand over me afterwards and bellow "Who's my bit-cha?"

Monday, October 13

10/13/2003 10:35:00 AM by Rob

I am still very nervous

ORCHARD PARK, NY: And, I am out of town. The Cubs are playing their first home game to win a pennant in 58 years, and I am in Buffalo.

Actually, this trip has been planned for months, and I had no idea we would still be watching Cubs baseball. If anyone knows of a good place to watch the game tomorrow night in the greater Buffalo area, e-mail me at rletterly@ussco.com.

I said 6, it is going to go 6. Mark will take care of bizness tomorrow. He's from Cali, he don't know from curses and jinxes. Hell, sometimes I wonder if the players even watched the game as kids. "Nah, man, I don't watch it, dude, I just play it."

Sunday, October 12

10/12/2003 08:52:00 AM by Rob

We've been this way before

One more game. That's all we need to make my greatest wish come true.

After Game 2 of the NLCS in 1984, all we needed was one more game.

Sure, in one of the upcoming games, we have Mark Prior, as much as a stone cold lead pipe lock as, say, Rick Sutcliffe in 1984. And we all know how that turned out.

I'm not taking ANYTHING for granted. I'm all for whatever Dusty decides to do with the starters for today. He has earned my trust. But I don't think they should or will let up off of their throats. I think the Marlins treatment of Dontrelle Willis last night was admirable. But I am starting to see discouragement on their end, too. Good.

Let's finish the job.

10/12/2003 08:47:00 AM by Rob

Doug Glanville is weird

Even though he has probably wedged into the Sloth Pantheon for his big motherfucking clutch shot to the wall in game 3, he is weird. Read anything that Jayson Start has written in the past month, and you will see some quote from Doug.

Today's, he starts off well by stating that the last time the Cubs won the pennant in 1945, he wasn't watching much ESPN at the time. OK, so Stark eggs him on for more material, and Doug obliges, saying that the Cubs live in the Sahara Desert and vacation in the Gobi Desert, so they are really thirsty.

Uh, Doug? We're all Americans here, and 73% of us have never HEARD of the Gobi Desert, and 93% of us couldn't pick it out on a map. Quit trying to lord your Ivy League education over all of us.

Friday, October 10

10/10/2003 03:49:00 PM by Rob

Open Letter to God Himself

October 19, 2003 A.D.

God
Throne of Creation
Heaven

Dear God,

I am not telling You anything that You don't already know, that next to You and my family, I love the Cubs most of all. It is wrong for me to put so much of my self-worth into the fortunes of the Cubs. But as You know, I am faithful and loyal, to a fault. I have had only one favorite rock band, one favorite brand of cola, one favorite toothpaste. I have had three favorite girls, but it was fully my intent to only have one, and You know that. And, I have only one favorite sports team, the greatest competitive organization ever, the Chicago Cubs.

The Cubs are a big a part of me as any other cultural institution. I do not consider myself American, Irish-American, German-American, Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative, Tall, Fat, or Dumb. I consider myself a Cub Fan.

Dear God, I beseech thee. By this weekend, the Cubs may gain entry to the first World Series of my lifetime. I have waited for this event longer than I have waited for anything before. Much longer than I waited for my true love. Much longer than I waited for Boston's third album. Longer than I waited for my driver's license, or my first pubic hair. My first conscious thoughts were about the Cubs, and probably a good portion of my last thoughts will involve them, too.

Dear Lord, I have known humility, and patience, and grace, and Grace, and I have known loss, and suffering, and pain, and misery. I have learned that it is how the game is played, that wins and losses are secondary. I have learned many of the heavenly virtues as a result of my fandom. It has not been a fruitless abandon. I truly am selfish, but I am not inconsiderate, my Lord. I promise I will accept my good fortune with dignity, and grace, if You would be so kind and so generous with Your offerings.

I know that a few mere baseball games does not deserve any of Your time, O Lord. Certainly the members of the other team believe in You, too, and do not deserve Your will against them. Nor do I deserve any favor on my behalf. I cannot express in words how shameful I feel to be praying to You over such as trivial thing as a NL Championship when people are thirsting, starving, infirm, unjustly oppressed, and abused, neglected, and dying.

Have I made myself appear small enough, O Lord? Good. Then please, please consider the joy of a NL Championship would bring to so many. O, not the ones who wear the hats and beat their chests, and loiter on Waveland Avenue during the games. But the truly faithful, the ones who blog, the ones who remember the bad times, those who have managed to forgive and love Ryno, Jerry Morales, Jose Cardenal, Jim Hickman, even Leon Durham.

I do not give of myself over some lame Old Style promotion, O Lord. I give of myself freely, because I believe and believe you have dominion over all things. For if we are graced with a Pennant, my Lord, I shall never curse or take your name in my blog or the Coven again.

I promise this, my Lord, Amen.

10/10/2003 11:26:00 AM by Rob

The bridge was burned

Remember my dream scenario, where Ronnie Santo steps down, and Mark Grace steps out of the shadows to introduce himself as the new radio voice of the Cubs?

Guess it isn't gonna happen. Even though it is just one year, Gracie has signed on as the TV voice of the D'backs. Great news for him, terrible news for us. Grace is going to be a FAR better announcer than he ever was as a player.

I mean as a baseball player, not as a playa, in which he was almost peerless.

10/10/2003 11:07:00 AM by Rob

The waiting is the hardest part

Sorry I am late. Blogger actually ate my last blog, where I described how much of a lowlife Kobe Bryant is, not really so much because he is guilty of rape, which I now believe he is, but because he is guilty of adultery, which he certainly is, which is a crime of morality that I just cannot abide by. I have been afflicted with a couple of the most loveless marriages, and I have never even considered the notion. It fucking sucks.

But who cares, huh? We gotta another huge game tonight, and now we are putting all the chips on 34-Blue, just like we did in the NLDS. I really really worry about the notion of expecting Wood and Prior to go out and win every game they pitch. For if they do, we are in, but if we don't, shouldn't we have a fallback?

I know Dusty isn't planning it that way, but it sure seems like that is the way it is coming together. I just don't understand people, and the majority of the "Cub Fans" I talk to have no problem riding Wood and Prior. I, of course, am running into many, many new riders of the Bandwagon, and they are all giddy about the fact that Wood is on tonight, and that Prior and Wood are due to pitch again in this series. This to me shows a lack of fundamental understanding of sports and competition, namely, you can't win all the time.

The biggest winners in history, the Spahns, Big Trains, Big Units, Cy Youngs, etc. only won 2/3rds of the time. If you send the best of them out there three times, they will win twice and lose once. Well, Prior and Wood have already won twice. In fact, if you count their conduct from the entire last month, they have won more than twice. I daresay, they each are due for a bad outing.

But they are studs, clutch, this is their time of year. OK, where is the ten years of historical data on each of them that tells you this? It isn't there. It isn't there for the moron pitching for the Fish, either. Our matchup on paper tonight is quite favorable. But, there really is nothing I can point at that tells us that Kerry Wood will definitely win the game tonight.

All we can do is wait, then turn on our tellys this evening, and see for ourselves. The waiting, is the hardest part.

Thursday, October 9

10/09/2003 01:58:00 PM by Rob

Please forgive me

This really should be a time of great rejoicing in Cub Nation. Please don't get me wrong, I WANT the Cubs to win, just as much if not more than any of you.

I have just been hurt so many times. Even the dumbest dawg starts to flinch the 35th time his drunken master swings at him with a baseball bat. I am looking for the chink in the Marlins' armor, the one sign that we have this under control. I knew we matched up well with Atlanta. There were so many expectations on their head, and their fans suck dick.

But the Fish are the complete wildcard, and not just in the standings. You don't know which school of Fish is going to show up. On paper, we should beat these assclowns. I could not believe they beat the Giants, I could not believe they kept pulling ahead Monday, and I couldn't believe how little embarrassment they showed last night.

I don't see the flaw. They shouldn't be here in the first place, so how can any of us point to something in their makeup and say - "HERE!" We out-point them at nearly all positions, but curiously, they are stronger up the middle - C, 2B, SS, and CF. Well, maybe not SS, if Babe Gonzalez keeps it up. Damn, someone find out what brand tortillas he's been eating, and get a whole case for the rest of 'em.

10/09/2003 09:41:00 AM by Rob

Ain't skeered

You know what worries me today?

Yep, even in the afterglow of that vicious beating the Cubs laid on the Fish last night, I got issues.

When we were beating the Braves, there they were, all hangdog faced. The weight of 12 years of mostly playoff futility pushing down on them. They didn't have a chance of hitting Prior or Wood. They were beaten before the game even started. It was kind of nice to see the Cubs lord their manhood over someone, a 101-win team, like the Braves.

But last night, even after the 500-foot blasts, after the 12 runs, even after their reliever literally threw a pitch into his own dugout, there was no dejection in the Fish Bowl. No hanging heads, no defeat. Ozzie Guillen was holding up a catchers mitt, as if he wanted another one, same place. They were still laughing, joking. I dunno what the hell Jack McKeown brings to the table, but these guys get it. They are fortunate, and they know it. They are good, and they know it. The Fish are not going to die easy.

That having been said, they couldn't touch Prior last night. And do NOT count me amongst the people griping about leaving him in there into the 8th inning, even with a 10 run lead. Look, this is the Cubs. This is the best pitcher we have ever had. We are closer to the World Series than we have been in years. We can't let up. When you have your foot on someone's throat, don't let them breathe. I know the odds of blowing a lead that large, even with Veres, Guthrie and Alfucksucka is remote. But this is the Cubs, and IF it happened, it would spin us into another 95 year vortex of despair!

Dusty, I believe, is the first manager we have ever had that thinks more than just one minute to the next. He sees the big picture, and I guess compared to the 133-pitch games he has subjected Prior to lately, last night must have been like getting out of school early for Markie.

Wednesday, October 8

10/08/2003 02:59:00 PM by Rob

Home run trivia

Prior to last night, the man with the most homers without a postseason homer run was Sammy Sosa, with 539.

Now the title reverts back to Ted Williams, with 521. Ernie Banks of course had 512.

10/08/2003 09:12:00 AM by Rob

One other thing

Congrats of sorts, to Derek at Let's Play Two, a nice and timely Cub blog that is reaping the benefits of "Sarah Wood-Mania!"

Seems that Derek was the first one to note that "Kerry Wood's wife is hot". Now, hundreds of little Cubbie Pervs (myself included) are out on the flamethrower trying to find out as much as we can on the young physical trainer that is helping us all by working the excess pounds off of hubby, through sexercise, no doubt.

So his traffic has doubled, and that's a good thing, no?

So if I start wondering if and when we should see pictures of Mark Prior's wife (actually girlfriend), will I bring in crowds and multitudes that may stay around to share their Cubbie angst with the Uncouth Sloth?

Nah...I heard she is not hot, and there is little chance Fox will zoom in on her tonight.

10/08/2003 08:49:00 AM by Rob

I TOLD you all we shoulda traded for Lowell

Only kidding. Actually, I had just gone done told the TV that Guthrie should pitch right at Lowell, since his timing was off. He can't hit. So, that should give you an indicator as to what kind of manager I would make.

And yes, yes, I saw it. I saw Swollen Sam belt a clutch dong. I know, it was incredible. My wife just kept saying "Oh, my God...Oh, my God" over and over again, and no, it had nothing to do with me.

I guess Zambrano is still too young for this playoff business. Staked with a four run lead, I have never seen anyone blow a lead that fast. Well, at least since the Monday night Tampa Bay-Indy game. It was not characteristic of him to give up the back-to-back jacks, either. His main function in life is to keep the ball down, so what the hell happened? Yep, the fast guys drove us crazy, too. Everything I was afraid was going to happen did. Pudge is earning all of his salary this month.

So, once again, we put all of our chips on 22-Blue. Is he gonna shut down the 9-run offensive explosion? Is he gonna keep Pierre and Castillo off base? Is he gonna keep Pudge and Cabrera in the park? Are we going to have to ride the back of a 23 year old for the rest of the year? How long is he going to hold up?

For, if he wins both of his starts, we need to realize just how rare this has all been.

Tuesday, October 7

10/07/2003 03:07:00 PM by Rob

Game 1 of the NLCS

I am looking for a Houdini-like struggle out of Z tonight. I think he is going to make the mistake of not bearing down on their leadoff men, they are going to get on base a few times, and drive us all crazy by their running.

But unlike many mediocre-to-bad hurlers, Z will battle. He may give up 3 or 4 runs tonight, but he is going to keep fighting until Captain Tighpants time in the 7th or 8th.

The hitters are going to have to do their part to stay ahead. It seemed like four of the five Atlanta games, we scored a few runs early and then held on. We need to concentrate on situational hitting, not just in the first inning, but all game long. Step on their nuts, stomp hard!! Keep swinging, keep running, keep scoring!

Grud needs to be more patient. Sosa needs to keep swinging hard, but connect with a few for a change. I think we are looking at Simon tonight, right? Beckett throws righty. Beckett hasn't figured it all out yet, he could be dynamite, or he could suck. Patience at the plate, make him throw strikes.

We need to win these games. I have already penciled in two wins from Prior, and one from Wood. We need Z or Clement to win one. Why not this one, at home?

This is the REAL playoffs now. This is when it really matters. If we lose, then I guess we can be considered a "contender". But by all indications, we are the favorites in this series. We have advantages in the rotation, the outfield corners, perhaps the infield corners, and bench, as well as the manager. But we were favored in 1984, as well. We got off strong, Mike Royko wrote his column about how mellow San Diegans are, and they came out en masse to cheer their Taco Bell looking fucks to the Pennant.

There is no reason that we shouldn't win this pennant. But God, You know I'm a sinner, You know I have sinned against You. I didn't mean to, but I am a weak, weak man. I love the Lord, but I am not worthy to follow Him. What's it gonna be, Lord? Are You going to bless us miserable Cub fans at last? Are You going to let me see a winner before I die? Or are You gonna slam-fuck me again? Is it going to be slow and gradual, like the decay of the 1969 team? Or are ya gonna fuck me hard, without no lube, like 1984?

Frank from the Coven said it best...in New York, they are wondering who the next Reggie is gonna be...I'm wondering who the next Durham is gonna be.

10/07/2003 10:23:00 AM by Rob

Random thought of the day

I would have loved to have been a fan of the Austin Peay basketball team back when Fly Williams was leading their team, as well as the entire nation in scoring. Then I could have felt free to chant:

"The Fly is open, Let's go Peay!"

Of course, Peay is said, like "pee"....you know.

10/07/2003 09:27:00 AM by Rob

Random shots from here and there

Like tantric sex, I am saving up all of my Cub juice throughout the day until I can orgasmically bust out in a joyful display of Cub Blueness. Until then, here are a few thoughts I have to push out for now.

First, if you want to know about how the other side is feeling during the series, check out the Gospel According to Mike, which will have Marlinscentric commentary about the goings on this week. I am as we speak having a nice, inexpensive conversation with him, and I told him that I like the way his team looks, long term. In the short term, we gotta win this thing.

Next, Happy Recall Day to all of you in Cal-Lee-Forn-Nee-Ah. All I can say is if you elect the Sperminator as your Governor, then you are reaping what you have sown.

Finally, got a chance to check out some real life marriage, with Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. This is good stuff, people. Here's the thing, Nick is handsome, rich, successful, kind of dumb, and pretty intolerant. Jessica is hot, rich, successful, pretty dumb, and most of all, spoiled beyond belief. I think she is not so much dumb, as she just is completely out of touch with how us "commoners" live. I like this show because it completely illustrates why so many people, and in particular celebrities , marry and divorce as often as I buy new shoes. (of course, I include myself in here).

1) People are just not careful enough when choosing a mate.

2) People are just too self-centered, unrealistic, intolerant, and most of all, irresponsible after having chosen one.

I can see it from Nick's point of view. He fell in love with an image, an icon, a totally hot babe. Probably the sex was mind-blowing insane, and they both probably expressed the right level of satisfaction and appreciation for each other's contribution. They both probably enjoyed being with each other, and at the same time they both probably still possess some vestige of old-world prudishness about living together. So they married, and now, they have to live with one another every day.

It is easy to see how he could be disappointed with her, in a daily dose, and she of him.

Here's where the responsibility part comes in. There is almost no emphasis anymore in personal responsibility, particulary in a marriage. In America, if you aren't happy, if you somehow feel uncomfortable, there is no stigma in simply walking away, and I can't be more emphatic in my belief that this is just fucked. Nick, you married her, and if I hear in a year's time, or two year's time, or five years from now that you are "amicably seperating", then I will be completely disappointed in both of you.

My wife disappoints me at times, and I disappoint her, too. She is not quite the person I thought I married, and I am not quite what she thought she was getting, too. But I took a vow, and a responsbility, to accept her the way she is. She is not cheating on me, or hurting me, or my kids in any way. She doesn't have the energy for life I thought she had, and I am not as secure in myself as she would like, either. But we both must accept that about each other, and make the best of it, and work around each other. We both must sacrifice, compromise, and give of ourselves. We both must alter our expectations a little, to more closely align with what the other is able to give.

We have to bend, a little. And we Americans have become so ego-driven, so immersed in ourselves, that most of us aren't willing to bend an inch. My first wife was not willing to concede anything to me, and my second wife wasn't going to bend one micron. Her way, or the highway. My wife and I bend all sorts of ways for each other. It's going to work, because neither one of us feel that our "selves" are so important, it takes precedent over what the other one may need.

I hope Jessica and Nick can figure that out for themselves, or else.

Monday, October 6

10/06/2003 09:11:00 AM by Rob

It just keeps getting better and better

Well, maybe not for everyone. Ron Santo has cancerous tumors in his bladder, and he will miss the next playoff series while he undergoes and operation to have them removed. He seems to think he will be back in the saddle for a World Series run.

I think the team will be there, if not its radio color commentator. Ol' Ronnie should thank God every day that he isn't a dog, because if he were my dawg, I would have put him down a long time ago.

But for the rest of us, the long suffering fans here in Chicago, the suburbs, the rural areas around the MetroSwarm, out in Berkeley, Seattle, Tacoma, Brooklyn, Tennessee, Alabama, Nebraska, even at Buddies', all of us, it just keeps getting better and better.

Yes, I was seriously considering having Kerry Wood traded for A-Rod. Go ahead, kick my ass. Go on. I'll bend over and hold still while you whale away.

Jeezus, I was sitting there enjoying a late night BBQ Chicken pizza, when Ramirez hit his bomb. I just kept going "ohhhhh my....ohhhhh my" over and over again, real low and soft. I guess my family was worried about me.

If you go by my premise, that you keep the guys who perform in the clutch, regardless of their numbers or whether or not you like them personally, then I guess we have to keep Lofton, Karros, Ramirez, Alou and Simon, and even Goodwin. If these guys are feeling the brunt of the weight of 95 years of built-up frustration, they certainly do not show it.

OK, now to the Marlins. I keep thinking about Back to the Future 2, where Mikey Fox goes to the year 2015, and while tooling around on his hoverboard, he sees the announcement over the Hill Valley Jumbotron that the Cubs have just swept the World Series....against Miami, in big teal letters. Well, this isn't the World Series. In fact, we have been closer to a World Series before. In 1984, remember, we were one inning away...even one out away? I don't remember. Like some car accident victims, I have suffered some sort of retroactive amnesia about that night.

Right now we are still four wins away. Hopefully someone like Zambrano, who will likely pitch games 1 and 5, can come away with a win for us, so that Prior and Wood don't have to carry the whole load.

If it seems like I am a downer on what should be a glorious morning, you are right. A friend of mine here at work cautioned me months ago not to get excited until the second round of the playoffs. My head saw the wisdom, but my heart figured that, hell, we'll never get that far, so why not shoot the wad now? Well, my friend, now is the time! I am going to show my excitement my own way, by spending money I don't have on lots of Cubs shit, and to try my hardest to find a deal on some boards for one of the games!

But I realize, as should you, that we have NOT won a pennant, we are NOT in the World Series, and all the talk about "the first postseason series win since 1908" is skewed.

Yes, it's important that we beat the Braves. Yes, it is a historic accomplishment. But history has been twisted as they keep adding layer after layer of playoffs. We are actually less close to a World Series as we were at the START of the 1984 LCS, since it only took 3 wins then. We do have momemtum going, but so do the Marlins.

I am having trouble naming the Florida lineup. I know that Lowell is hurt, I know that Derrek Lee is at 1B from Fantasy league, I know Juan Pierre leads off and Luis Castillo plays second, and I know Pudge is there. I couldn't tell you the LF or RF offhand, or who is playing third now, or short. Wait, they have an Alex Gonzalez, too, and he hits about 70 points higher than ours.

But they have the best record in the majors over the last three months or so, and I fear that their speed game may drive us nuts, which means more emphasis than ever on not letting guys get on base. They will be far more patient than Atlanta, even if their pitchers will suck worse.

That said, I still think we will win in 6.

Saturday, October 4

10/04/2003 09:26:00 AM by Rob

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock

The torch has been passed. If I were Greg Maddux, I would skip the temptation to go into semi-retirement in San Diego, and just step down right here and now. He pitched well, but his offense and defense behind him failed him one last time. I'm sure, to him, it felt like 1987 all over again, there in Wrigley Field, a place he must know as well as anyplace.

We count on Mark Prior to go out and throw 130 pitches, hold the opposition down, win the game, pop back up a few days later, and do it all over again. I know that all of you reading this realizes just how unbelievably insane that sounds. Isn't he gonna break down? Is he gonna have to endure seeing Yarbage in the Alabama airport as he goes to his eventual appointment with Dr. Andrews?

"Howdy, y'all. Dock-ter Andrews heah. Ah'm givin' away Tommy John surgeries, to the first five ballplayers to call me raht now at 1-800-IM-HURTIN!"

The indecent proposition? Risk burning him out for a chance at a World Championship today, or do everything prudent to try to ensure his prolonged physical health?

There are only a couple of guys who can do what he is doing right now, and these guys are all 40 years old, and who gives a rat's ass if they blow themselves out? Clemens and Unit and Schilling can all go pool their money and buy New Mexico as a sanctuary for the fat, ugly, and terminally stupid. We have the ultimate golden goose, are we going to risk squeezing him dry now?

For these are the Cubs, and when was the last time something too good to be true was laid on our doorstep, without any strings attached?

Friday, October 3

10/03/2003 03:27:00 PM by Rob

Devotion to accuracy, dept.

One tiny pet peeve: I will let it slide when the kid-oriented movie 'Rookie of the Year' shows a bellowing John Candy in the Harry Caray role, shouting about "one more pitch and it's on to the Worrrrld Seeeeeries!" in what is supposed to be a regular season game.

But in the adult oriented "For the Love of the Game", when Kelly Preston is taking a cab to the airport, the inconsiderate beadsitter won't change the channel from the Yankee game. And the announcer is mentioning that the Yanks can "clinch the pennant" today with a win, even though it's a regular season game.

I mean, they take the time to purchase the licensing rights for all the MLB teams, they film the thing in real MLB stadia, and they even tread lightly around the Yankee retired number and currently used number criteria. I guess this is the ultimate indicator that this was intended to be a "chick flick", and that it's intended audience not only would not know the difference between a division title and a pennant, but would actually get more excited over the use of the word "pennant".

Whoever was in charge of continuity and whoever was the baseball advisor for this flick should have to come in here and lick my sac. Shitfire, this bugs me to no end.

10/03/2003 02:15:00 PM by Rob

Rush, part deux

Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP already!

Jeezus, shut up!! When the Reverend Jesse Jerkson throws his fat, malingering, grandstanding ass in there, that's it. Shut up. Christ. I hate him even worse than I hate Rush Limburger.

10/03/2003 08:41:00 AM by Rob

If you only read one newspaper today

If you live in Chicago, don't have internet access (but then again, you wouldn't be here) and only 50 cents for a paper, then buy the Sun-Times today, and save the extra dime and nickel for a rainy day.

They have the most quotes today about the series. Here is a representative sampling.

"Three million in attendance may have been a big deal for our marketing people,'' club president Andy MacPhail said. ''But it was not a goal for me.'' Why not? ''Well, for what I think is an obvious reason,'' he said.

"We really need to go out there and be ready,'' said Sosa, a lifetime .232 hitter against Maddux with three home runs and nine RBI. "You have to respect him because Maddux doesn't give up. We have to be ready to make adjustments on every pitch.''

''We are going to celebrate with the fans one more time,'' Simon pledged Thursday.

“A lot of people that were Cubs or former Cubs could have had pounded in their heads that second place is OK,'' Baker said. "It's not OK. You look at Bill Parcells. You look at Larry Brown, coaches who have gone to different teams. They have definite philosophies.

Tonight is the biggest game of the year. We rarely beat Mad Dog, but maybe now is the time. If we win this one, then we probably turn it around and win the series tomorrow afternoon. If we lose, then the momentum goes Atlanta's way.

I don't have anything smart-ass to say right now. I am as nervous about a game as I ever have been. This is big. I can't say it enough. Tonight tells the world that Mark Prior has arrived. It's Pass the Torch night at Wrigley Field. Old Lion vs. Young Lion.

Here is the only worthwhile quote from the Trib today. Of course, it says the most for me.

"I wouldn't want it any other way," Prior said. "This is my opportunity."

Thursday, October 2

10/02/2003 10:22:00 AM by Rob

Actually, I don't have much to say

First inning, two runs in, bases loaded, nobody out, and then all of a sudden Mike Hampton has a Hollywood-Quality Recovery, and strikes out the next three hitters, so therefore we do not score anymore, and I switched off the TV.

My family all yelped at me, and I turned it back on. But I simply said this:

"Game's over. Cubs Lose. You can't give away opportunities like this."

This club has worked all year with the big inning, preferably early, which gives our quality starters a cushion to throw freely, and we hold on, usually, to win. For a club that supposedly beats lefties to death, we didn't do the job. Carlos was disappointing in that he didn't bean anyone, start any fights or audibly screech any bloody latin curses to anyone. He pitched well enough to get no decision, which he did.

I could second guess Dusty's decision to even consider using Dave Veres (rhymes with "fears" and "queers"), but I guess he is looking forward to a lot of baseball to be played the next few weeks. We could play as many as 17 more games, and I figure he figured that he could rest the good pitchers in his bullpen, in a game that doesn't mean as much as some others may down the road.

And, my family. They are amazed at my ability to predict the outcome of Cub games, particularly when they consider that I cannot be counted on to remember when their band recitals are, where my wallet is or what their names are, sometimes.

10/02/2003 08:50:00 AM by Rob

I know we lost last night, but first, a word about Rush Limbaugh

You'd think they would have learned from the Dennis Miller experience. Controversy DOES sell, but only in very mild, benign doses. Jimmy Kimmel making a few boob jokes, is ok. But Rush Limbaugh isn't. He never should have been hired, he has no business being part of a NFL pre-game, I do not particularly appreciate his brand of "entertainment", because I'm not real big on self-righteous blowhards, and the result would not have been any better if you had installed Dr. Phil, or for that matter Oprah, in the pre-game show.

That having been said...

I am so God-damned sick and tired of all of the Racism Police and PC Police, who squirm out of the woodwork every time somebody says something that might be construed as racism.

I feel that Donovan McNabb is extremely overrated. He has good games, and bad games. I guess when you compare him to Kordell Stewart, he shines favorably. But he can't win the big one, he can't rise up and throw a 300-yard game when you need one, and he is nowhere near as athletic as Michael Vick. Rush stated that McNabb is overrated on purpose, because the media wants a "Great Black Hope".

What, and Jason Sehorn and Brian Urlacher aren't similarly overrated? The fact is, even though the guy is an anus, and should have learned as a small child that there are some things that you don't say with your out-loud voice when you're making millions, that there is a grain of truth to the comment.

Would the stink be as high if there wasn't? Curiously, you aren't seeing a lot of indignant fury from McNabb himself. Some say he is being classy, taking the high road. But you know, his credibility has been challenged. He is allegedly a competitive individual. You would think he would be visibly pissed off.

But, maybe, he knows the truth, too.

Wednesday, October 1

10/01/2003 03:59:00 PM by Rob

Metrosexuality

A trendy topic, to be sure. I am decidedly NOT a metrosexual, although due to a skin condition, I do moisturize each morning. However, I guess if I were a real man, I wouldn't give a shit if there were two rough patches on my face.

Many women and the Met's themselves defend the trend as "someone who is sensitive, in touch with the feminity that exists in all of us, and appreciative of the finer things in life, and the aesthetic effect these finer things have on his appearance". Some of the rest of us belittle the Met's by stating "that these are vain guys, more concerned with their personal appearances than with the substance they bring to the table".

We will see if this is a fad that will fade out by the time the Cubs win the World Series, and if not, I will dissect it a million ways to Sunday. My eldest son has Metrosexual tendencies, and it has been interesting to watch. I guess I am not really threatened by them, for if someone is impressed by appearences alone, then have at it.

10/01/2003 02:45:00 PM by Rob

An undiscovered nugget

This graf was lifted from a Cub article about last night in SI.com:

"In the sixth inning, for his chef's special, Wood even struck out Chipper Jones on a split-fingered changeup he almost never throws -- but "he's been working on that," said catcher Paul Bako. Which was news that will no doubt thrill hitters across the globe."

A split-fingered change, that he has been working on? Along with the heat and the neck-snapping breaking ball?

Good Lord, McFail...whatever the fuck he wants... sign him, now!

10/01/2003 10:13:00 AM by Rob

Finally, the Cub love

I have been waiting for the love since Saturday afternoon.

After the Cubs clinched the division, I had my celly on my hip, I've been waiting for a call, an e-mail, even a nice Hallmark card in the snail mail. I've been sitting in my cubicle shrine for two days now, waiting for the Johnny-cum-latelys to pay me homage for my steadfast devotion to Cubbie Nation.

Nobody, nothing. Not even the people here who I know to be fans. Hell, the only people who wrote me was Tom from work, wanting to show me pictures of his cute infant daughter in Cub wear, and Chris from Rosamystica, wanting to know why I was so mad at the Church.

But, after last night's ratings bonanza, I am getting the straight Cub love from everyone here. Sales of Cub golf shirts has gone up 62% in the NW suburban area, judging from everyone here at work. I got people working blue in the hallways, working the "I got Wood" double entendre. I got the receptionists, who wouldn't know fastballs from fastfood, congratulating me on "my boys".

I blame the Bears. Say what you like, this is first and foremost, a Bears town. Even the prospect of the first Cub pennant since my mom learned to crawl couldn't cut in on the Bear buzz. Monday, all anyone wanted to know was how bad would "we" lose to the Packers, and whether or not there were going to be enough bathrooms in the new Spaceship Gallactica aka Soldier Field. Yesterday, all were bumming about the Great Brian Urlacher, who may never learn how to shed a blocker. Hell, he can't even shed the 98 pound human herpes wart Paris Hilton.

Don't you people care? We got a big-assed pisser tonight? Wood vs. Ortiz? Game One of the Playoffs? The Playoffs, again I say?

But now, love is in the air, and I am getting my strokes. "Yeah," I say for the ninth time, "I knew last night's game was in the bag. I'm not so sure about tonight, but we'll win 'em both at home. E-Z."

I guess I better dust in here.

10/01/2003 10:13:00 AM by Rob

I'm not telling you guys anything you don't know:

That was good!

I guess the part I liked best, other than Fox catching Bobby the Wifebeater swearing in the 6th, was Fat Sam stealing and trying to stretch singles into doubles. Boy oh boy, he IS the Big Show, isn't he? All of a sudden, he's Senor 30-30 again?

I think the Yankees lost a World Series one year when Fat Babe got caught stealing second to make the last out in the 7th game. I kept thinking about that last night...stupidity!

But I knew Wood was going to win. I secretly thought that this might be the night he pitches a no-hitter, because he was so locked-in. I thought it before the game, but I didn't put it out here, because I was afraid of jinxing him, and old habits die hard, I guess.

Now, I have said all along Cubs In 4. I figured they would lose tonight. Z has not shown me lately that he is ready to go out and pitch a winning game in the playoffs. However, all indications point to the fact that you MAY see the ultimate in Emotional Latino Pitching tonight, because Z is about ready to go off on someone! The sports radio reporters on the scene are basically saying that nobody wants to be in the same room with him, because they are afraid he is going to spontaneously combust.

So, it may not be pretty baseball tonight, but it is gonna be fun. There might be fussin', and fightin', and bleedin', and swingin', and missin', and hittin'.

What I am saying is that I don't expect a win tonight. If we do not, it is not the end of the world. I have every confidence that Prior can beat Maddux, and Clement can beat TBA, in Wrigley.

However, IF Zambrano can win tonight, get back to the guy he was in August, then I will go out on a limb and announce:

No other team has four solid starters, and no other team will beat us in a series the rest of the year.

The Magic Number is 10, Chicago.

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