9/02/2005 10:37:00 AM by Rob

End of Days

So, I'm an idiot, huh?

So far, what have I been bitching about the last two years hasn't come true?

Boy, I tell you what, I've known Thorn all my life, and if I didn't know him real well, and know that what actually comes out of his mouth is probably 200% more harsh than he really feels, I'd have to fucking hunt him down and whip his fucking ass.

There's parallels between the misfortunes of the Cubs and the misfortunes that we have endured in this country the last few years. The main one, of course, is the notion that the product, whether it be the ball team or the country, is dogshit, and the people in charge are telling you it's filet mignon.

Thorn and several others took umbrage (oom-brahj) when I suggested that Bush and the Saudi princes probably cooked up 9/11 as an excuse to commit large-scale acts that would drive the oil market silly. Well, answer a couple of questions for me, right-wing guys:

Why, when Osama his ownself is from Saudi Arabia, and the vast majority of the fuckmullets that hijacked the 9/11 planes were from Saudi Arabia, why do we suck their dicks? Why did we invade Afghanistan, then Iraq, and then threaten Iran, but the Saudis get a complete and total pass?

I have no right to make the statement? Well, actually, I have MORE right to make the statement than Bush had to invade Iraq, because nobody's gonna DIE over what I have to say.

Look, I'm in the problem-solving bizness. Every day, I have to deal with hyperactive summer-sweater-wearing salary-slaves who tell me that their web dashboards suck because we fucked up their data. Well, it is my job to build the reality, by noticing that A, B, C, and D happened, therefore the data on the screen is accurate, because they didn't remember that A, B, C, and D happened, or they didn't realize that A, B, C, and D had any effect on the data.

So, for an escape, I go and try to follow my favorite ballclub. Even though they spend more money than ever before, they manage to limp in this year substantially below the .500 mark, and the field mangler and the general mangler tell me that there was bad luck, blah blah.

Except, that I know that we started the year without a leadoff man, a closer, a full rotation, and no bench. I also know that whatever resources they had, they mismanaged grotesquely due to ill-advised bullpen usage, and uninformed lineups based on personal preferences rather than performance data. So even though they try to tell me that nobody's at fault, I can say, well, A, B, and C happened, so you're wrong.

As for our country, Bush can tell me that Saddam Hussein was a threat to MY personal liberty, but he has no, zero, nothing in concrete proof that suggests that is true. Just like he's telling us now that 17 zillion tons of supplies and eleventy thousand million troops are headed to the Gulf coast, BUT GEORGE, CNN has fucking cameras there, and they don't show anything going on but a bunch of gang-bangers floating plasma teevees on strung-together plastic coolers all stolen from the Wal-Mart. Is CNN not showing the good news on purpose? Maybe. But they keep showing the crowds, and if there WERE seventy zillion soldiers there, wouldn't they be in the picture?

I'm sick of being lied to. By everyone. And I'm nice and safe, with breakfast in my belly, two extra bottles of water at my side, in an air-conditioned room. What if I were standing in line waiting for a bus, or getting shot at in Iraq, and they kept tacking another six months to my tour?

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