6/24/2005 09:36:00 AM by Rob

The Hierarchy of Interest over the Crosstown Series this weekend
Listed in descending order of interest

The Sux Fan - the people who most appreciate the extra lag time the League installed between the two crosstown series, for it gives them more time to scrounge around, assembling the necessary components for a good batch of meth for this weekend. If you're standing in line at your local Wal-Mart behind some bellowing, tatooed wife-beater wearing idiot who is openly belligerent over the recent policy of only being allowed to buy two packages of cold medicine (or two cans of starter fluid) at one time, chances are, she's a Sux fan.

Anyway, since these people could give a grainy shit less about their own division leading team, they'd rather bitch and moan about all the "yuppies" wearing Cubbie blue. Hey, Stosh, we quit using the term "yuppie" around the time the movie "Wall Street" went to video. Which was before DVDs got real big. In other words, a while ago. Get a life. Support YOUR team. Don't get your cutoff shorts in a twist about our team.

The Cub Fan - sure, this series matters to us. Yeah, we need the win, a belief especially held by those unwashed, innocent few who still believes we have a chance this year. But even the most jaded of us, who can see how bad we suck, are praying for victory this weekend, so we don't hafta hear shit from the lime-green slacks wearing, thin-greasy-combover-looking ratfaced crotch-sore that works in the cube across from you, with his measly-assed Sux pocket schedule tacked to his wall the only clue that he even knows what a baseball looks like.

Sux players - yeah, they care, a little. At least, their manager does. I assume he takes meetings with their marketing department, and probably he's such a hyper-jock that he's buys into the "us vs. them" mentality they seem to be selling down there. A little bit rubs off on the players. I'm sure Mark Buerhle probably is a little sick of "Well, if you were pitching on the North Side, you'd be the biggest celebrity this side of Oprah".

No, he'd probably have broken both his arms and torn a groin muscle by now if he was with us. That's just the way.

Cub Players - they could care less about this. It's not even a division game, they'll enjoy their usual "home away from home" advantage of fans in the stands, they'll enjoy the more spacious clubhouse, and they'll enjoy sleeping in their own beds tonight. What's another loss? Hell, Corey's probably STILL bitching about how he got robbed of a hit in the ninth, when Hairston didn't make it to second while tagging up on the bloop. Never mind the sombrero del oro lying on the floor of yer locker, faggot.

Last but not least, the Rally Carp - she don't give a red rat's ass about the Cubs-Sux tilt. Kerry Wood is working on his last rehab start tonight, and this is young Jessica's last chance to throw herself at him. This is her best chance - she must be bursting with confidence, because she is leading the I-Cubs Web Poll today by a HUGE margin.

Swing, bay-bee, yer Golden!!

Expect the Sux to come out fired up, running, juking, jiving, spiking, diving, swearing, spitting, clawing, biting. Expect Jose Macias to start in center today for us.

Do I have to add anything else?

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