It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Saturday, April 30

Last Night

There's a reason why I give ol' Mad Dog tha soft-serve, while I'll call Mark Prior a hypersensitive pussy and Kerry Wood a walking advertisement for Midol. You can count on Maddux. He may start out slow, primarily because the umpires come out of the box every year, wanting to establish THEIR strike zone, like they're the game. Last night, if, say, Zambrano was getting squeezed like Greg was last night, that home plate ump would probably be eating out his asshole today. But Greg just kind of waved with his glove, as if to say "The strike zone is right fucking HERE, meat!"

We needed innings, and although I don't have any fucking fingernails left after they trotted Hawkins out there, it was a great game, one the whole team needed. Screw you, Fat Roger!

And screw YOU, too, Georgia Nurse Runaway Bride bitch! Please, please, please, if any of you learn NOTHING else from your friend, your buddy, the Uncouth Sloth, please recite to memory the Sloth's All-Majestic Rule #1:

Do NOT marry an unmarried, mid-thirties, old maid nurse. If you can, fuck them. Then forget them.

There is no line of human beings more spastic, more uptight, more fucking crazy as the unmarried female nurse in her mid-thirties. These people, due to their natural inclination to perform such a vital task as nursing, compounded with their constant worry about their biological clock ticking, which is FORCING them to consider marriage even though they're all control freaks who HAVE to have everything done just SO, which suggests to these obviously otherwise intelligent individuals that marriage breeds chaos... what happens? This CUNT runs off for days, doesn't tell anyone, her parents worry that she's dead, her fiancee is scrutinized because most of the time, he's most likely the murderer, and a whole town exhausts its resources looking for the skinny-ass slut, and she's got COLD FEET???

FUCK YOU, Jennifer Hawkins, of Duluth, Georgia. I wish you WERE abducted, raped, and killed! Slut bitch whore cunt!