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Friday, February 18

Who Would You Do, part deux

The girl, at left, who made up the story about Brad Pitt hitting on her? I guess it's plausible. I'd hit on her...with my big sticky!

The girl in the jewelry commercial, where the little kid is telling her that “Brian likes her” and she agrees, because she got a cheap-assed $99 pendant from some mall jeweler…oh yeah, I’d pound that like a cheap steak I want to chicken-fry.

How about the woman who’s married to the doofus who didn’t check all the car insurance options he had, so she hands over the cheap football helmet phone to him…yah, mission style, so I can see all her fuck faces every time I smash my weight down on her.

The young mom in “Son of the Mask”, who leaves her baby with Jamie Kennedy?? while she’s away on “business”. Um, just because she plays a doof in a movie don’t mean I wouldn’t hit that, hit that! She must have flown to Chicago, to service the Sloth.

How about the Bachelorette? No, I wouldn’t even sniff her skank ass, but did any of you watch the first episode, where her best friends were posing as bartenders? I’d do the tall one, what, what? Winner of the Nordic Combined: hair, tits, teeth. Alles gut.

For my homeys: how about Guv’nor Rod’s wife? I keep going back to the word “doofus”, but have you seen his haircut? What else could possibly fill the bill, besides “doofboy”? DillRod, maybe. Anyway, Ramrod, you’re wife’s hot. I’d do her.

I’ve always wanted to do Lisa Loeb. Dumb dorky lezzie glasses are ok, but if she’d take them off, that would be xtra special. Of course, I could spray them specs like they do on

I don’t know what it is with dinky-assed Channel 8 news out of the Quad Cities, but it seems to be a haven for marginally-talented chicks that build strong bones 8 different ways, like Wonder bread. Barbara Dawson & Julie Sisk are just plain finger-lickin’ good, and Vanessa Van Hyfte looks like she spent some time in the Extreme Makeover tour bus. I’d even do ol’ Karetha Dodd, just so she can go back into her past and shout “I object” every time I’d slam her ass cheeks from behind.

Just don’t gimme no Michelle Aguayo. There’s a reason why you work in Moline for 12 years, and it has a lot to do with mas cerveza y muy mas tortillas.