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Friday, November 12

Some of you are just out of your fucking minds, Part II

Let me begin with this brief obituary:

Humor, born 10,000 BC, died 9/11/2001. Preceded in death by Irony, Sarcasm, and Critical Thought. Survivors include the FCC, the Republican presidency, and the Moral Majority. There are no services planned. Do not send flowers.

There are people who have known me for 20 years plus who are CONVINCED, absolutely certain, that I am some sort of left-wing commie because:

1) I devoted my site to Russian brides
2) I sent along a revised US map that I got from my friend Wigs, where all the blue (Kerry) states are marked off as 'America', and all the red (Bush) states are labelled 'Dumbfuckistan'.

Now, as for the first point, I just think a lot of them chicks are hott.

As for the new map of Dumbfuckistan, yeah, it's a joke. If you went to high school with me, grew up with me, don't you remember? I used to cut up a lot. I got a lot of "you've changed" and "you've really turned your back on your Catholic upbringing" and "how dare you call us dumbfucks, you always thought you were better than us", and other such crap.

Let me offer a few simple answers. I've changed? Fuck you, YOU'VE changed. Some of you fucks who spent their formative years sucking fumes off of the big blue Grafix, playing your punk rock and swearing that you'd NEVER, EVER become the Man? Don't get me wrong, I'm GLAD you threw the Grafix away, and are now responsible husbands and fathers. But I'm not the one who's done the 180 degree turn from who I was. I still have ideals, and ideas, and I didn't pack those away so I can make enough money to afford a max mortgage so I can play lots of Texas Hold-em with my co-workers and still have cash to re-do my basement to hide in when I desperately need to try to find the old me.

My Catholic Upbringing? Is this the same Institution that lets my first wife receive the Eucharist, even though she sucked as much Black and Mexican dick as she could while we were married, and lets my second wife receive Eucharist, even though she completely deserted her husband and stepsons, and stole everything they had while they went to the doctor for the child's strep throat, and pretends that we never existed? And, when I asked said friends for a reference to annul that SHAM of a marriage, nobody, not even my OWN PARENTS, would take the hour it took to fill out the questionnaire, which was OK with the parish priest, because he himself was too busy formulating an exit plan, because he diddled some kids? So now, because I married a Methodist, I CANNOT receive communion?? I love Jesus Christ, but Fuck the GodDamned Catholic Church and all it stands for.

Finally, I guess it is wrong to call you Dumbfucks, even though you let someone else make your decisions for you. George Bush is NOT a moral person, under any reasonable definition of Christian morality. He simply does NOT do unto others as he would have them do unto you. He sent thousands of Americans and many more thousands of Iraqi citizens to their deaths, for reasons that to this day are unclear. Would HE understand if Saddam Hussein tried to bomb HIS house? Would he stand by idly if some greater being dragged his precious daughters away, so that they could ride around in an open-topped truck while wild American-hating maniacs lobbed grenades at them?

Fuck, NO! He'd use some of his money, and bribe someone to put the twin Bush hotties in cushy hostess jobs in some ritzy commissary in Dusseldorf.

I am sorry if I called you dumbfuck, and your feelings are hurt. I remember a time when it wouldn't have fazed you, and would have shot back by calling me 'Pick-and-Sniff', or worse. I really thought you were tougher than that.