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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Monday, November 15


Contrary to popular belief, my latter week rants were not pointed at any ONE individual, but were shaped by my experiences with several such individuals who voted for the other guy, and took offense to being called dumbfucks. Hey, Bush got more votes than Kerry, and he deserved to win the election, so lacking the funds and the balls to actually MOVE to Alberta, I gotta deal, right?

It had also occured to me that perhaps several such individuals have loved ones actually IN Iraq. Look, I do not think we should be there at all. But that doesn't mean that I am any less sympathetic to the people that are. It doesn't mean I am going to spit in their faces when they come home. In fact, I pray for them, and I want them to all come back alive, and well, and in one piece. I want them to come home as soon as possible, to reunite with their loved ones. Give peace a chance?

I'm bored to tears of Sammy Sosa

It would have been best to have traded him as soon as humanly possible. Already this issue is clouding the off-season, causing arguments between fans, probably causing divisions between teammates (assuming they actually communicate during the off season, which may be unlikely).

On the Coven, they are thoughtfully analyzing next year's Sosa production against the production we would get from a Cliff Floyd, a Chan Ho Park, etc. They are constructing batting orders in order to get the max from whatever we would get in return for Sosa. They're talking about payroll flexibility, and otherwise treating this situation as a Normal trade, like we're dealing from some sort of position of strength.

But we're not. Let's not make it any more difficult than it is. He cannot stay. Even if he goes to the Rockies and hits a hundred homers next year, we are better off without him. Let's apply undergraduate logic to the problem. If A represents "having Sammy Sosa", B represents "not having Sammy Sosa" and C represents "winning a pennant"...

If he stays, we will not win.

If he goes, nothing can be implied.

But what is certain, is that his selfishness, his stubbornness, and his short-cut, third world method to everything from Spring Training, to Media Relations, to Corking and Supplementing, KEEPS us from winning.

If A, then NOT C. I WANT C. But I know that I can't have A if I want C.

So cut him off. The Tribune can afford it. They can try to get a return, but in the long run, whatever tangible return may be outweighed by the intangible negative feelings from a winter of 'I said, he said, they said'. Which, if you haven't figured out by now, I put TEN TIMES the stock into the intangible factors of winning than I do the fucking numbers.