11/18/2004 08:25:00 AM by Rob

I heard the term "political correctness" for the first time in 1988, and to nobody's surprise here, I was being accused of violating it.

In one of my first jobs as a programmer/analyst at the corporate HQ for "a major Chicago-based oil company", we were not allowed to put up girlie calendars or anything of that sort. Seems standard now, but in 1988, they had somewhat recently banned smoking IN THE OFFICES. Anyway, what I did was gleaned a number of pictures of hot chix from the pages of the Sun-Times and Tribune, and arranged them as a collage on one of the panels of my cube. My point was, everyone read these papers in the office every day without anyone batting an eye...they cut out insipid Dilbert comix and stuck them everywhere...why can't I cut out a picture of Rachel McLish from the Bally's ads?

Anyway, one of the major ball-busting woman managers saw my display one morning, and in a rare display of common sense, I took it all down and stashed it in my desk before the fucking inquisition came around 20 minutes later. At the time, I felt like a fucking wimp for doing it. But it saved my job.

Ever since then, despite substantial academic credentials, an ability to communicate, and a decent body of work, I have been passed up more times than Kyle Petty on the corporate ladder, basically because I wear my heart on my sleeve, faithfully pursue the policy of truth, and otherwise not play the game the way it is set up now.

This site, as it exists, is no more. I apologize to the 20 or so hearty souls who actually liked what I did, but I'm not dead yet, but let me finish this train of thought first. I have fought the Least Common Denominator my entire life, and in this particular case, in its best form, it was a good place to get a regular guy's take on the Chicago Cubs, a sports franchise that is cherished and revered by its true fans, and is misused as an excuse to party by a geometrically larger section of the populace. I cut through the bullshit, and it was good.

But I let it get out of hand, and it has been my fears that is to blame. What fears? My fear that this country is letting itself get led down a path, to a destination that I personally am very uncomfortable with.

Now, I'm not going to talk political parties here, or candidates, or name names. What is bothering me is that MOST of us are changing, and frankly, I don't want to go where you're going. Case(s) in point:

- On September 11th, 2001, when I saw the second tower tumble down, I thought...well, let's save that for last.

- When I saw Janet Jackson's boob fall out, I shrugged. It wasn't titillating, no pun intended. It was, just, a thing.

- When Bono dropped an F-bomb on TV, I shrugged.

- When Little E dropped an S-bomb on TV, I shrugged.

- When the poorly-preserved Nicolette Sheridan dropped her towel and fawned over Terrell Owens, I shrugged.

What I simply cannot believe is ALL THE SUDDENLY MORAL acolytes who are just climbing all over each other to be the first, the loudest, and the most pious in denouncing these things!! Whether you believe that the New Moral Emphasis started with 9/11 or with Slick Willie-n-Monica, what the hell is with you HYPOCRITES???

If you truly do live in a home without sin, then go ahead and cast the first stone.

When it is proven scientifically five years from now that there is a nationwide epidemic of raping and murdering because a boob fell out during the Super Bowl, or because a Desperate Housewife came on to a split end during NFL pregame, then I'll be happy to announce a date and time when you all can come up, and I'll bend over and you all can kick my ass.

But it is more likely that, if God forbid any of our children grow up to be Stranger Danger, it won't be because of something they saw on the tube. More than likely, it will be because they're from a broke fucking home, and one or both of their parents weren't around to talk to them when they needed it.

Let me just point out three such fucking hypocrites that I PERSONALLY know, and who have had problems with my opinions over the last couple of years.

- Contestant 1 flushed her marriage away because she just couldn't stop sucking guys' cocks in the parking lot of the bar she frequents

- Contestant 2 just lost his wife because he was banging the temp who would come in to do their bookkeeping

- Contestant 3 is seperated from his wife, because he kept going out of town on meetings with one of his direct reports

Of course, all these fine folks have kids, and all were just HORRIFIED about JanetGate.

Why didn't I care? Shit, I figured at anytime, I can turn on channel 34 and watch buxom girls in bras and panties jump on a trampoline, or I can turn on channel 42 to watch graphic simulations of breast implant surgeries performed by corrupt surgeons, or I can always turn on channel 37 to see several stoned people all living in a house, taking turns sleeping with each other.

Ah, but you say, Slothboy, that's Cable TV. JanetGate and Bono were on the Networks. Yeah, what about 'Survivor', where buxom babes crawl around in the mud sans underwear, trying to 'get with' other castaways in order to 'make alliances' to win a cash prize? How about 'Fear Factor', where buxom women in skin-tight clothing are forced in compromising positions while snakes and bugs crawl all over them? How about 'NYPD Blue', where all sorts of nudity, cussing, drug abuse, violence, and other shit go on routinely, and they win AWARDS?

Double standard on my part? Hell no, let the Survivors and Sipowitz live forever, for all I care. The most disturbing programming on TV, in my view, are things like 'The Bachelor', where people are forced to have their courtship televised, every last private detail of their lives busted open for all to see, and at the end of the four-week ordeal, PEOPLE PROPOSE MARRIAGE to each other? Let all the 'Gays can't Marry' crowd crow all they want about the 'sanctity of marriage' ....and 'Average Joe' preserves the sanctity, how....?

So this is the conflict I am faced with right now, and this is what has led me astray the last several months. On an internet where beheadings are available at your fingertips, and people want to complain about me? That, and my COMPLETE and TOTAL disappointment in the 2004 Chicago Cubs, the whiniest, most undeserving bunch of babies this side of 4-5 year old tee-ball, has made me real tired, real discouraged, and most of all, real UNWILLING TO GO THIS ALONE in our new Nation of Fear and Loathing.

So, here's the announcement

I am joining forces with other CBA members Byron of The Cubdom.com, Billy of the Rooftop Report, and Kurt from CubFanNation and facetious.org, to form the Goat Riders of the Apocalypse. Soon, I will either be e-mailing you, posting this on the CubsCoven, or simply posting it here, as to where you will find me next. I believe the site will be goatriders.org, but this could change.

There are some advantages to this approach. I will be off of Blogger, and working with guys who know a HELL of a lot more about page design than I. It will give me a fresh start, and I will get back to the bread-n-butter, talking about the Cubs as they blunder their way into 2005 and beyond. We will have a message board, although my first priority will always be the Coven, I will be able to check the GoatBoard too, for it will probably draw a different clientele of Cub Fans. Most of all, I won't have the feeling anymore like I am a sitting duck, alone on the pond of discontent.

Now, many of you know Kurt. In fact, Kurt was a big part of the reason why the CubsCoven was even formed. I once went out to a nameless, faceless message board, slapped around some 15 year old kids who thought that s@mmE wA$ dA bOmB!, and someone named Kurt TOS'd me for getting personal.

Then a kindly fellow named Hawk brought me over to the Coven, which at the time was a collection of similar hard-bitten heart-broken wretches, who had been doing battle with Kurt and his ilk for years. So certainly there was a great deal of hatred and resentment of Kurt by people I admire and trust, and it continues to this day.

Thing is, I never really got into the Kurt bashing that much. All I know that he tries hard, and loves the Cubs, but with many other twenty-somethings, kind of lacks the perspective that the forty-and-fifty-somethings (and Stew, who was a batboy when Cap Anson got his 3,000th hit) have. I've tried over the years to (gently) point this out to him, and he's nothing if not a willing recipient.

He also is very creative, and the whole 'Goat Riders' theme works on several levels. I always wanted to be Fear or Pestilence, but I get to be Sloth there, too, and certainly I share his view that the Cubs Apocalypse is nigh. A critical mass has been formed with the drafting of stud pitchers with almost total disregard of position players. (That's the way I would go, too, if it were me). It's going to be real messy this year...either we will taste the most glorious of prizes, or its all going to implode and all sort of matter will get sucked into the vortex of the Apocalypse.

Anyway, Kurt vows that he isn't gonna mess with what I have to say, and the beauty of not getting paid to do this kicks in here. If he's serious, then I have a happy home in which to thrash around and dent shit. If not, then I just move on.

I must admit jealousy when guys such as 'Big Red C' Derek get tapped to write for all-baseball.com and I don't. Derek's great, and I knew going in that my style was uncouth and unconventional, and certainly wouldn't lend itself well to a more typical site. It was just my luck that I decided to take a break, and literally ten seconds later, I checked my e-mail, and an invite, dated two days prior, was sitting there. I believe in coincidences, which is probably NOT the best way to approach life, but some of the most thrilling, fulfilling events of my life have come about due to a funny coincidence.

Anyway, what did I think on 9/11? Probably most of you were scared, that your entitlement as an American to live out your life safe from attack was just revoked, and you SWORE that someone was going to pay dearly.

I was scared too, but what I was most scared about was the fact that I knew that this was the start of World War 3. I knew we weren't just going to sit here and take it, but I wondered how many and how much would die. I just never figured that Humor, irony, and light-heartedness would be casulties, too. And before you flame me about how insensitive I am to whine about humor when 2,500 people died on 9/11 and over 1,500 have died in the Middle East since, please remember one thing.

Without humor, many people, such as myself, aren't able to cope with such tragedies.

See you soon.

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