It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

The Sloth is not intended for younger or sensitive readers!

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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Friday, August 6

Ouch! Whoopsie-daisy!! potatuh!! OwWW!

I am, of course, referring to the play in the bottom of the ninth that blew the combined Prior/Rusch shutout. Christopher Reeve could have circled the bases on that one, while Super Sammy kept fumbling the ball like it was a frozen piece of Kryptonite.

Anyway, first thing you should do, if you haven't already today, is go over to the left hand side, find the link for The Cub Reporter, and check out the guest article where all the newfangled SABR stats are crunched for all the Cubs, and batting orders are constructed according to the presence of a Grud, a Walker, and a Nomar. As it is laid out here, it makes all the sense in the world. So is Dusty earning his 4 milldo by going against statistical logic, following his hunches, making sure no coddled millionaires who make their money while wearing tight doubleknit knickers get their wittle feewings hurt?

Walker-Nomar-Lee-Alou-Sosa-Ramirez-Patterson-Barrett-pitcher, and have fun trying to stop this four times in a row.

Walker gets on base, Nomar sends him around to third on a hit, Lee drives in Walker with another knock, Alou flies out on yet another first pitch fastball, and if Nomar is on third, he tags up and scores. Sosa either strikes out or jacks a three-ply belt, Ramirez does his usual Elgin Streetsweeper thing and sends home everyone left, maybe Patterson bunts his way on with two outs, Barrett drives another gapper to drive in Corey, and by the time the pitcher does his left turn out of the batter's box, he has five runs to start the next inning with.

That's all I have to say. Every time I get giddy, I end up getting a red-hot poker shuved up my ass. Just say the fluorescent lights in the Sloth Cube are a little brighter today.

And, if you have to ask, you just don't understand the true essence of the Sloth.

Thanx, If you know of a clearer scan, please ping me.