It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

The Sloth is not intended for younger or sensitive readers!

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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Monday, August 23

It's almost time

Almost, but not quite, time for me to discuss, you know, that OTHER way of qualifying for post-season play. Let's see what happens with the next seven with Milwaukee and the AssTrolls. This homestand is huge, HUGE I say, but if Dusty stays with the Patterson-Lee-Nomar-Alou lineup, we have a better chance for success. You can't put Ramirez fifth, I might even put him seventh, since he can't run. Let him bat with Barrett on base.

Notice I didn't mention that 800 pound ape. Fuck him, and feed him fisheads. Maybe we'll win this in SPITE of his sorry ass.

Call me a fag all you want, but the women's marathon was INTREEEEGING viewing yesterday. This is the first marathon I have watched, and it might be the last. I watched because of the whole historic thing, the path of the original Marathon runner who dropped dead after bringing word of Greek victory to Athens. I have to say, I was SHOCKED, truly, non-sarcastically shocked, that the whole route was lined with McDonald's, BP, and car rental joints. It was like driving down Ogden Ave, or maybe International Drive in Orlando, only with less smog.

If I were Greek, I'd be resentful of all the American shit built all over the place. Oh, wait, BP is British. Shell is Dutch. Fine, never mind.

Anyway, if you are sitting here with baited breath wondering which marathon runners the Sloth took a likings to, FORGET IT!! Jesus, Deena Kantor, after 24 miles or so, looked just like my ex-wife! I know, that's way harsh on Kantor, but I doubt she reads this, anyway. They kept showing the first group of ten-twelve runners, and I remember thinking: Combine them all, you won't bet a decent pair of tits in the bunch. Well, jeez, here's Kantor's day: run 12 miles, take a nap. Jump up and down on a box for two hours, eat a celery stick, run 12 more miles, walk the dog, go to bed. That regimen MAY help you lose excess fat.

Your results may vary.

Anyway, my olympic babe of the weekend: Natalie Coughlin

We all wait with twitchy anticipation her obligatory layout in FHM or Stuff.