It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

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Illini Basketball
Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Thursday, August 26

also: Bako hits homer; Arafat, PLO prepare to take part in Yom Kippur

Well, yesterday's game sure was blah blah blah Maddux deserved a better blah blah blah blah Moises Alou sure is blah blah Sosa again was no blah blah blah Hawkins sucks blah blah that ball WAS foul and Ned Yost should have yanked a yard of blah blah blah blah The Great Corey Patterson is about to live up to blah blah blah..., let's get to the BIG news of the day.

Gabor Paul Bako BELTED one yesterday! A tater, a dong, dialed '8' for long distance, he went yard, a big fly, he hammered it, hit a four-ply belt, a diamond jack, hey hey, holy cow, holy mackerel, no doubt about it, its got a chance, stretch!

You can put it on the board.

After watching the prodigious clout, Sammy Sosa went into the clubhousse tunnel to splash water on his face.

When asked if he was surprised, the last man to go deep had this to say:

"Why should Paul Bako be surprised by anything he does? Only Paul Bako knows how hard Paul Bako works, and only Paul Bako knows what Paul Bako has deep down inside him."

At which point a classy, jovial Greg Maddux shoved a live Maine lobster down the front of Bako's compression shorts, and squirted Softsoap hand soap on his face, and let Larry Flynt take pictures.

In other news, Gov. Rod Blagoyoyoyvich drafted a measure for the Illinois Legislature to make August 25th "Paul Bako Day", obviously eschewing using his given name "Gabor", since Milerod doesn't ever use HIS Serbian name, either.

The Legislature voted 99-4 against the measure, however.