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Tuesday, January 10

This Is Just Not Marcus Vick's Week To Quit Sniffing Glue

ALEXANDRIA, VA (UPI) - America's Baddest Man, Marcus Vick, has run afoul of the law yet again. So far this week, the younger brother of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has been kicked off of the Virgina Tech football team for an accumulation of civil and team violations, culminating with lying about an apology for his stepping on All-American defender Elvis Dumervil of Louisville during the Gator Bowl. Then, he was arrested for pulling a gun on three teenagers who were taunting him in the parking lot of a McDonald's in his mother's hometown of Camden, Va.

Last night, Vick, 21 and free on bail, was arrested yet again for attempted gang violence, criminal trespass, indecent exposure and resisting arrest by Alexandria police officers called to the scene at the football field of T. G. Williams High School. Vick was allegedly wearing only an athletic supporter while wandering around on the field. Vick was observed by neighbors shouting code signals similar to gang slogans, loudly in a state of undress. Vick later denied shouting gang slogans, instead, he referred to them as "pro-style football plays, baby".

When officers tried to restrain him, Vick shouted "Remember the Titans" as he knocked officers down several times. Vick is 6'1", 210 pounds. T. G. Williams High School was featured in the Walt Disney Movie "Remember the Titans", about the school's first racially integrated football team, which overcame adversity to win the Virginia state championship in 1971. It is believed that Vick had seen the movie, perhaps as recently as yesterday in the DVD unit of his 2005 Hummer H2, which was parked in the end zone of the stadium.

Vick refused a breathilyzer test at the scene, but officers reported smelling a strong alcoholic smell on his breath. Several bottles of Hennessey brand cognac were found on the floor of Vick's vehicle. He was held briefly at precinct HQ, where he was released on an appearence bond.

When pressed for comment, Vick stated that "he was going to the next level, baby."

Bad "True" News from the Sun-Times

On the article chronicling the trade of Corey Patterson, it was opined that at this point, the pieces of the 2006 starting lineup are in place. So, guessing what the Dustbag will do, this is Your 2006 Chicago Cubs Batting Order:

CF Lucky Pierre
2B Second baseman du jour (Neifi!, Walker, Hairston)
1B D Lee
3B Ramirez
RF Jock Jones
LF Murton Mabry
C Grin & Barrett
SS Cedeno

In my world, I bat Murton second, the catcher sixth, Cedeno seventh and Neifi! eighth, except that I would probably play Walker leave the batting order as is.

The point is, is this enough to win a division? The answer is, I suppose, if we can get 18 Wins from Zambrano and Prior, 15 from Wood and Maddux, and 10 from Rusch. That's 76 wins from your rotation, which is unheard of these days, and awfully presumptuous. Of course, I meant to be presumptuous, so you could see just how stupid it all sounds.