10/17/2005 09:16:00 AM by Rob

The riots ensued when semi-trucks loaded with Sudafed and starter fluid were hijacked by giddy Sox fans

The sporting event I'd thought I'd never see, the box score I'd thought I'd never read...Maccabi Tel Aviv beating the NBA Toronto Raptors. Somewhere in Northbrook last night, someone saw Chuck dancing in the streets, and mistook him as a Sox fan.

No, seriously, in the list of things I thought I would never see: the World Trade Center collapsing under the weight of terrorism on American soil; watching people starving to death in the Superdome, on live TV, while the government denied knowledge of it; Tom Cruise fathering a child with Katie Holmes; and finally, a team from Chicago winning the pennant. I have always wondered how I would react if the Sox won a pennant. Would I somehow feel a surge of Chicago pride?

No, as it turned out, I suppose I felt like I would if I were in San Francisco and Oakland won a pennant. Meaning, I felt hollow, empty, anally violated. I don't buy any of this civic pride shit. To me, the South Side IS in fact another place, another city.

I will now give the TEAM itself all the credit it deserves. Today, right now, I would willingly accept and welcome with open arms these players onto my team, without regard to whom they would replace:

Mark Buerhle, Jon Garland, Jose Contreras, nearly every member of the pen, Tad Iguchi, Jose Uribe, A. J. Eyechart, Scott Posednik (who took SIX walks in the last two games!), Aaron Rowland, and Jermaine Dye. Furthermore, if there was a way to get Konerko and Derrek Lee on the field at the same time, that would be super.

I respect the effort of all 25 men on this team, but that's about it.

There were three amazing things about the 2005 Chicago White Sox in this ALCS. Numero uno, and BST put it simply and best the other day after the Dropped Third Strike that Really Wasn't: "You can't do that to the Ozzie Guillen Sox. They're the cats that let themselves in the door." The most resilient and resourceful team I have seen in years.

Number two: four complete games in a row, in this day and age, is beyond insane. The Sox hadn't done that themselves since the Wilbur Wood days, when he pitched the first and fourth game himself. Of course, he was a knuckleballer, and men were men back in 1974. When was the last time my team recorded four complete games in a row? Have to be the sixties...1860's, maybe.

Lastly, and mostly: whether or not I myself consider them to be part of Chicago, or some other separate entity, they have "Chicago" on their chests, and they did NOT choke with a one-run lead with six outs to go. In fact, in this series, it was their opponent who suffered the bad calls, the unlucky bounces, and the mental meltdowns. This quite possibly PROVES my theorem that the Cubs and Sox do not really reside in the same town, for if they did, they would have somehow found a way to lose last night.

Well, Mayor Daley clapped and cheered. Hundreds of giddy Sox fans hit the corner of 35th and Wentworth last night to celebrate, hundreds more packed the bars in Bridgeport, Beverly, Merrionette Park, Oak Lawn, etc, and hundreds met their heroes as they arrived early this morning at Midway. Ozzie Guillen had his limo driver stop in front of the crowd so he could shake hands; Aaron Rowland hung out the moonroof of his 4x4 to wave to the fans. All very nice, no problems were reported in the paper, just the kind of celebration reminiscent of when the pennant was won in....Minnesota?!?

I'm sorry, kids, but if it were the other team, on the North Side, they would have closed Chicago down today. Tens of thousands would still be roaming the streets at THIS hour, highways would be impassable, public transportation would be severely curtailed, and commerce would grind to a halt. It would be mass chaos, and thousands of poor black folk would be stuck at the United Center on the West Side without food, water, or diapers. Mayor Daley and FEMA would deny there was a problem, even as Anderson Cooper was reporting it on CNN.

The only inconvenience I have had to bear is that I have the sniffles, and I wanted some cold medicine. Allegedly, the meth labs in Alsip, Crete, and Blue Island are working overtime, and there's a three-day waiting period mandated by Gov'nor Rod before I can get some Sudafed.

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