10/12/2005 09:20:00 AM by Rob

Music helps the people come together

The Sloth answers Forklift, Thorn, and Joe

First off, his real name isn't Eric, just something just as ambiguous.

Second of all, I do not swill the Blue Kool-Aid. So I just said "shit" and "motherfucker" when I read yesterday that Larry RothSchild is NOT leaving to go to Detroit. Fuck, that means that the entire coaching staff is coming back for another go at it in 2006. Jesus Bullwhipped Christ, it isn't like the staff is to blame for trotting out LaTroy Hawkins as a closer, or Corey Patterson as a leadoff man. It isn't like the team led the league in most first pitches swung at, or led the league in most pitches thrown by starters. The staff has nothing to do with the fact that the three singlemost worst hitters in OBP in the NL racked up nearly 1,000 ABs between them.

Since Hendry is sending the same cast out there next year, he is officially on notice. I don't give a fuck if he is able to trade for the entire NL all-star roster for next year. If they do not make the playoffs in 2006, every last employee responsible for the wins and losses of the team has to be fired. I don't know if that includes Andy McSweaterVest? Is he in charge of wins and losses, or in charge of revenues? I honestly don't know anymore. The President of the team ought to be held accountable on the basis on wins and losses. I'm not sure the President of the Cubs is.

OK, for Joe, and Thorn, and Forklift, two points:

1) I must not have done a good job in communicating what I was getting at. There are over 1,200 songs on my little thingy, and I simply listed the most obscure of those that printed on the first of 29 pages that I printed. That first page also contains several selections from 3 Doors Down, AC/DC, and Eric Johnson, amongst others.

2) You say my taste in music sucks? Well, first, Fork, the Ramones? You live in the NY Metro area, so I guess they speak to you. I'm aware that you were here during their heyday, but like so many other acts that are so damn apple-centric, they just don't say anything to me, Mr. Midwest. You like your three chords from guys from Forest Hills, I like my three chords from guys from Madison, WI (Off Broadway).

As for you, Thorn, one of these days, I want you to type up a guest column on what YOU listen for when you listen to music. You and me have scrapped about this since the sixth grade. While you were whackin' off to Lennon & McCartney, I was strokin' it to Dennis DeYoung. You went punk, I went new wave.

He's a Musician, and I am tone deaf, and I suspect that has something to do with the differences. He hates production, which he thinks gets in the way of the music. To me, the production makes the product. Let's look at a few of these:

Back in Black-AC/DC - Surprise? I thought we determined that "Highway to Hell" was the pinnacle? Thorn usta lock me in his dad's LTD2, and make me listen to HtH for hours.

Empty Glass-Pete Townsend - Pete sucks peepees. But I have love for Peter and the Who. You know that.

East Side Story-Squeeze
Murmur-REM - yeah, well, critical acclaim, schmitical acclaim. See, I hate low-key shit, and Squeeze would always depress the hell out of me. As for REM, I hate music that I'm somehow supposed to GET. Like, I have a hard enough time trying to think through my personal relationships, my professional relationships, etc. I don't want to have to THINK about my music. If it doesn't just beat me over the fuckin' head from the get-go, then I don't care about it. I went to see REM with some buddies down at college. I pretended to have a good time, but you know? It all kind of mushed together.

Ace Of Spades- FUCKING MOTORHEAD! - really? I never knew.

After The Snow-Modern English - I have "Someone's Calling" and the title track, not just "I Melt With You", one of the all-time greats, on the little thingy.

Marshall Crenshaw-First - once again, I think this one falls in the category that it never hit me over the head. Maybe there's something I'm missing, but I don't see myself picking up a great Marshall Crenshaw jones in the future.

Pick any Clash album. - you know I also have love for Joe Strumper.

Anyway, Slothy has always been wrong about tunes. He once tried to get me to enjoy an Afrika Baambaata "tune". Denied. It was Musical Youth. Indeed.

Now, on to Joe:

Credence- Bad Moon Rising
Eric Burdon & Animals- House of the Rising Sun
Dusty Springfield- Son of a Preacher Man
Steppenwolf- Born to be Wild
Rolling Stones- Sympathy for the Devil

I have "Sympathy" on the thingy, but Good Lord, Joe, if I wanted to hear any of this shit, all I have to do is click on any "Classic Rock" station. These songs represent the height of Baby Boom, "Big Chill" overkill. I literally get ill whenever I hear "Born to Be Wild" anymore. I have seen that fuckin' song used in conjunction with everything from Chevrolets to the Olsen Twins.


Who, incidentally, look like slutty crack whores compared to my two favorite TV girls right now. On your left is Madison Michele, who is on that TV Guide channel where they roll through what's on all the channels. The other is Alyson Michalka, who's the current It Girl on Disney Channel. Yum.

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