10/24/2005 09:21:00 AM by Rob

I just don't get it, part XVII - Will Farrell

Before I once again confirm that I'm not with the young, hip crowd that's all the fashion this fall, I was in fact sitting in front of my telly watching the last few innings of this year's World Series, and the first thought when I saw the ball leave Posednik's bat was "What the Fuck are you doing hitting the ball in the air?" They needed baserunners, and I figured that he was just being Cublike. Here's a man who had fewer extra base hits this year than Corey the Great, for chrissakes, and with one out in the bottom of the ninth, he's trying to put a charge in one.

But instead of the Cublike result of the drive dying on the warning track, we have Black Jack McDowell (seemingly back from whatever form of Sox Hell he was banished to) correctly remarking immediately afterwards that if they can beat Roy Oswalt tomorrow night, that they'll win their first World Series in ninety years in a sweep. See, I realize Posednik's OBP is low, and that he hits for no power, and he does nothing special in the field. So why do they win with him? You can take nearly every guy on the team, except Buerhle, and break him down to his smallest parts, tear him apart, and wonder why they win. So why DO they win? The numbers won't tell you why.

Guess it must be something else then, something like, um, heart? I still wish he was on our team, along with several other white Sox that don't post big numbers but are still playing ball as of this writing.

Today's dissertation deals with the most overrated comic in America today, Will Farrell. I don't know what it is with this guy, why people all over think he's some sort of comedic genius? Outside of him asking if they could drive thru KFC on the way home (in "Old School"), I can't think of a single solitary thing he has ever said or done that made me laugh.

I got "Anchorman" from Netflix the other night. I could only do 35 minutes, it was THAT unfunny. What the hell is so amusing about a guy in bad seventies underwear going up to a girl and stammering "I want to get on you"? The only time I even mildly snickered is when the sports guy said that "he shit a squirrel" after a long night of drinking. It was a really, really stupid movie, and it just served to knock Jim Carrey off of the top of the "World's Most Unfunny American" list as far as I'm concerned. At least "Ace Ventura" was pretty good, and there were a few scenes in "The Mask" that worked for me.

He's just a big, dumb, aloof guy, who says inappropriate stuff. Basically, he's ME, with worse hair. Now I remember as a kid, another big aloof guy, Steve Martin, came along, and I would shoot milk out my nose just listening to him read off his grocery list. I felt like there was something deep and secret inside of me that Martin knew about, and that he would play to that secret dork I dared not show to the world. Maybe people feel the same way about this guy, maybe you only get one secret dork in life, and Steve Martin was mine.

Anyway, I can't recommend "Anchorman" whatsoever, although it appears that I am the only man in America who didn't get it. Maybe, it's a "red state" thing.

Finally, another high school football regular season is on the books. My kid's team played their opponent pretty hard this week. The other team was ranked second in state, and since the week before, at home, our guys gave up 56 points BY HALFTIME to a 1-6 team, I figured if we held Tolono to double digits Friday night, it would be a moral victory. We stayed within 20, which in my eyes covers the spread, which I would have set at 45 and a half. My kid said he made six tackles, which is akin to Scott Posednik hitting a walk-off dong in the World Series.

I went to see a pretty decent Coaler game down in Black Lung, and we had the ball down seven with 30 seconds left and 70 yards to cover. Our kids had the big plays, but the Wilmington boys controlled the line of scrimmage, much like the Bears did yesterday, and eventually they ground us down. I don't see either team doing much from here on out. Charlie Coaler (along with the unauthorized and sexually ambiguous Coaler Man and Coaler Boy) will take their show to Braidwood Friday night for the 4A first round Playoff. I'm debating whether or not I should go, considering that since the 4A finals last November, when the Coaler was spanked by Montini, I have not seen MY team win once. (Coalers 0-3, Trojans 0-5, I missed the Farmington game). Maybe I'M the jinx? Maybe I shouldn't show my face? Should I take one for my team? My friends say that's ca-rap, so I'll probably go.

---