It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

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Thursday, October 13

CT, You KNOW I loves me some Geddy Lee mi-ty fierce...

I actually watched the Sux last night, and it certainly SEEMS like the ball jumped up into Josh Paul's mitt, but it was completely inconclusive whether the ball kicked up off of the ground, or off of the web of the mitt.

There were only two things going through MY mind last night as I watched this:

1) Get ready for instant replay in baseball, kids, and get ready to start bitchin' about Dusty's misuse of his red flag

2) Why can't the Cubs get guys like A. J. Eyechart to play for them?

As seen on TV: The Duggar's of Little Rock, Arkansas, welcomed their sixteenth child into the world recently, and they're gunnin' for more.

Uh, Joe Bob? You must be one helluva man. I mean, your wife Michelle's fun flume has got to be the size of the Boston Big Dig by now. It must take you ten minutes just to walk to one side of her pussy, so you can have something to rub against when you pork her. It appears that she was pretty cute, once upon a time, but the ravages of getting knocked up 14 times (2 sets of twins) have understandably altered whatever hottness she might have had once.

I watched your special last year. A trip to the supermarket runs you about $1,400. Your home-schooled kids are just moronic beyond belief, and the barrack bedrooms in the 7,000 sq. ft. monstrosity you're building should be a trip. You got babies in cribs on one end of the room, and teenage girls jukin' themselves with oversized magic markers on the other. Because that's what teenage girls do these days before they go to sleep at night. Maybe not yours, though. What if they all have sixteen kids? Who the fuck's gonna cater your thanksgiving dinner, Aramark?

These people are just nuckin' futs.

Finally, back to music. I am finding that, since the Cubs have positioned themselves into irrelevance, and people don't fight fair when it comes to religion or politics, the best way to argue with someone is to start on their music. It tends to mean more to people than, say, their choice of toothpaste, but not as much as, say, their kids.

I managed to worm my way into CT's heart by expressing my admiration for the JCA Hilltoppers and their 47 state championships, as well as my love for the garlic butterine poorboy at Merichka's. But then I go and fuck with his emotions...he feels the same about Rush as Chuck does about Corey Patterson. Or as Tommy does about zombies.

I LOVE Rush! I love the pretentious Neil Peart lyrics; I love the pretentious Neil Peart drumming. I love that Geddy Lee's mom is probably the only Jewish female independent hardware store owner on earth. I love that Alex Lifeson likes to get ripped and tear places apart. I love them wall-to-wall, I even like some of their new stuff. I love that the term "power trio" was invented just for them. I even love that Triumph tried to rip them off big time, and even cranked out "Fight the Good Fight", which is better than any Rush song, but over the course of time, the greatest power trio from Toronto is the original...

I am very aware that I tend to like groups that do not enjoy critical acclaim, and I tend to avoid groups that do. If there is anything more overrated in this world than Dave Matthews, let me know. I've wondered why that is, and the best I can figure, is I'm not very sophisticated. I don't do subtleties. I can't read lips, I tend to miss gestures and symbols, but I understand a swift kick in the nutts.

Page 3 of 29 of the Sloth's Stranded on a Desert Island List includes:

"Heaven is a Place on Earth", Belinda Carlisle (THE song I do karaoke to)

"Sex (I'm a....)", Berlin

"Paranoid", Black Sabbath

"Burnin' For You", Blue Oyster Cult

"Woo Hoo", Blur

"Three Little Birds", Bob Marley and the Wailers

"Cannonball", Breeders

"I Want Candy", Bow Wow Wow

"A Man I'll Never Be", Boston

As Thorn will attest, don't EVEN get me started about Tom Scholz.