8/11/2005 10:41:00 AM by Rob

The Five-Stage Grief Model, and how to use it.

As a service to you, my friends, I present to you a familar tool for diagnosing your bad feelings about the Cubs. It was posted on the Coven, and Stew pointed me to it, and I thought it would be good for us all to find our point on the scale.

Definition: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross M.D. developed the five-stage grief model that we use today. It is a guide to the stages that a dying or grieving person goes through while accepting death.

The five stages are:

· Denial
· Anger
· Bargaining
· Depression
· Acceptance


Personally, I don't remember a denial period. I've been saying all along that a team going into a new season without a true leadoff man or a true closer is in a lot of trouble.

I got very angry when they decided that Hawkins would close games again this year, even though he did everything short of purchase time on a billboard to announce to one and all that he couldn't do it. They did eventually decide to try Chad Fox, and it worked well for, what, a game? After his arm fell off again, they put Hawkins BACK in there, as if nothing had happened before. And THAT's where I first felt the season was dying.

Some of you noticed my Bargaining phase around the trading deadline. There was a little bit of a spark, and it was plain to me and everyone I talked to that a true leadoff man and a real left fielder were needed, and even though these things don't exactly grow on trees, we DO have several pitching prospects that other teams like. We could package nearly ALL of them up in deals, and still have enough in the tank to fill our future needs.

Well, as you know, we didn't get either. We got Matt Lawton, a mediocre leadoff hitter and outfielder. This was NOT the lightning bolt of energy that THIS particular team needed to get over the top. This has made ME very depressed. It's hard for me to be funny, or to find humor in someone else's work. I want something changed, now, anything, just something to bring a little Cub hope back in our lives.

Because, right now, there is none.

I know a lot about being depressed, unfortunately. And, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to Accept what has happened since Bartman stole the ball from Alou. If you've been able to find Acceptance, then I congratulate you.

If you're still in Denial, though, do me a favor. Go play in traffic.

---