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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Monday, May 2

The Big One

Okay, the stupid bitch runaway nurse bride's last name wasn't Hawkins, I guess I just had too much LaTroy angst in my brain. That, and the super-duper cough syrup. And yeah, fcab, she DID look like a drag queen. And what's with the eyes? What are ya, some runaway anime character?

Mmmm, Hycodan!

In a brazen attempt to avoid discussing our latest lost weekend in Houston, after Prior gave up his slammy yesterday, I flipped over to Talledega, where after three-quarters of the race already run, 42 of the 43 starting cars were bunched within three seconds of one another. I was rewarded very quickly, within five minutes, twenty-five racers were wiped out in one fell swoop.

Jeezus Christ, restrictor-plate racing. I see that kind of bunchup every fucking morning on the Tri-State. I don't wanna see it on Sunday afternoons. It sucks. That ain't racing.

What's odd is the lack of reaction from the other drivers. Junior just hasn't had it this year. He sucks. S-su-su-s-su-su...that's right, he sucks, Judge Smails! If Kevin Harvick, Tony Stewart, or Robby Gordon started that pileup, they'd be throwin' haymakers right there on the tarmac. There must be some kind of gag NOT question Junior, Gordon, or any of the other sacred cows. All anyone could say is that restrictor racing sucks...which is absolutely true. They HAVE to do something before the next race at Talladega. They CAN'T think that was in the least bit entertaining.

I'd rather watch Michael Jackson fuck Steven Hawking. Or LaTroy Hawkins.

I know, I know, Hawk didn't shit the bed this weekend. Prior did. Let's see how he bounces back. As far as Wood, every single person in the continental US, except for him, his hott wife, Kody Clemens, Kody's friends on the short bus, and Harvey Fierstein thinks he should be pitching relief. It will happen...someday. Not here. Certainly not now.

I will conclude today with an unalienable truth. The White Sox will deliver a championship to their God-foresaken screen-door fans this year. The Cubs will struggle to stay about .500 all year. I will NOT argue this point. Call it....May 2nd, 9:52 AM. This is the earliest, I think, I have ever packed it in.

And yup, my fellow Junior #8 brethren, he himself caused that mess.