It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

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Wednesday, March 30

Spraying to all fields today

Some thoughts while I wait for the inevitable: Michael Schiavo suing to unhook the Pope’s feeding tube:

- I know when you first heard of The Enormous Omelet Sandwich, the first thing that came to mind was: “This looks like something the Sloth would eat.” I’m sure this surprises nobody, but this does look really, really good. 730 big calories in one fell swoop…shit, millions of people in Africa don’t get that in a week. With my big fat ass wedged into one of the plastic seats at my local Burger King, both hands wrapped around this 1 pound bitch, I AM THE KING of all I survey!! Kneel before Zod!!

The name sucks, though. Can’t they come up with something catchier, like, say, “The Grabber”? You’re welcome, BK, no charge.

- The Cubs finally hacked up a LOOGY – he’s Cliff Bartosh, who posted a 4.66 ERA for the Indians last year. He cost the Cubs a #4 starter from their Class A team. Good Bye, Stephen Randolph. Don’t let the door hit you in the Ass, Will Ohman.

One problem: lefties hit .286 against him. Righties hit .268.

- Everyone has “their” TV show, and I decided that this year, I would have mine. I started out with the promising “Jack and Bobby”, but between the sporadic production schedule, and the long-winded feminist diatribes from the Christine Lahti character, I’ve pulled the plug. So now I’ve pinned my hopes on “Gray’s Anatomy”, and the first anatomy holding my attention is the titular character (pun intended), played by Ellen Pompeo. The opening shot of the series sees her pulling herself off of the floor of her house, prying herself away from the dude she picked up last night, so she can go flush herself out, comb her hair, brush her teeth, and report for her first day of work as a medical school intern, where, voila, the dude that fucked her brains out the night before is her boss…in-treee-ging.

Anyway, CZ’s Dad, in advance, lay off of my shit. I can’t link to any smokin’ hott pictures of her here at work, like those from “Old School” or “Catch Me if You Can”, where she played the parts of attainably hot chicks who get fucked by the main character. Anyway, between her and Katherine Heigl, we should be ok here. Plus the missus likes the show too, always a plus.

- It appears that Prior will start the season on the DL, but he’ll be retro’ed so he can be unleashed on the 12th against the Padres. All in all, we’re in slightly better shape, Prior-wise, than we were last year. At least he will pitch in April.

- Finally, Richard Roeper in the Sun-Times puts in his nomination for “Sweet Home Alabama” as Greatest Rock Song of All Time. Always one to attach himself to the hippest of bandwagons, I only mention it because he does have a point. It is one of the handful of songs that is just Played To Death on the “rock” and “classic rock” stations, but unlike “Stairway to Heaven”, “Break on Through”, or “I Can See For Miles”, I don’t instantly punch the button when I hear the opening. I always listen to them scold Neil Young, like he was wrong when he wrote "Southern Man".

I sure as hell don’t agree with Greatest All-Time, but “Alabama”, up until now, has stood the test.