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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Monday, March 7

I don't have any boobs for you today, but

The whole "Rachel McAdams done up in forties' style like she was in the Notebook", coupled with the "Rachel McAdams was hotter than Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls" and the "She was the stripper in the Hot Chick" has put her at the very top of my food chain. I'd get on my knees and pray to her God every night.

I liked what LaTroy Hawkins had to say in the paper today: that he is honest to a fault, that he learned something from last year, that if he had 2004 to do over again, he would do things differently, and that he is really happy that Joe Bo is on the mend. Hey, in my experience, for an athlete to admit he was wrong is akin to a supermodel admitting she's too skinny, or for yo' momma pushing herself away from the table. It doesn't happen often, and when it does, it surprises you greatly.

UPDATE In response to GROTA member Byron's SAT question in the Desipio Message board, "2004 is to 1985 as 2005 is to..." Well, I gotta take some exception to the construction of the problem, as it portrays racial bias.

No? Ok, not bias, then. Fact is, the 2004 team won 89 regular season games, and the 2003 team won 88. The 1985 team was a catastrophic collapse of old, frail, and drunken pitchers all falling down at once. I would more easily equate 1985 to 1999, which featured another spate of fallen pitchers making it necessary to trot out Andrew Lorraine, Micah Bowie, and, yes, Cap'n Tightpants onto the mound in starting roles.

The closet analogue we have to 2004 is perhaps 1970, the somewhat underachieving year after a monumental choke. So, I guess this makes this year 1971, another lackluster year where we contend yet come up short, all the while the clock is ticking on the shelf life of our nucleus.

So the correct answer to Byron is: 2004 is to 1985 as 2005 is to 1986, treating it as a straight math problem. This is the only possible response to be awarded points on this year's college boards.