3/24/2005 09:16:00 AM by Rob

Fire him, kidnap him, kill him, I don't care...

Been a long time since The Uncouth Sloth has had to declare jihad on someone, but by the power vested in me by the tortured souls of 97 years of Cub fandom, I DECLARE HOLY JIHAD today on...

...Phil Rogers of the Chicago Tribune.

I am normally hesitant to even wipe my ass with what he writes, for fear that my butt will somehow become stupider. He makes Jay Mariotti look like Dave Halberstam, on an everyday basis. If it isn't dumb trade rumors, it's equally inane concern about also-ran teams like Colorado and San Diego.

But today's collection of shit-stains and monkey-spunk tracks has got to take the cake as the all-time low of lows for this extreme waste on our natural resources. I wish we could unhook HIS feeding tube.

On several levels, this bothers me.

Level 1: why would anyone really give a fuck about the single season home run title?
Level dos: why would anyone in their right minds even think that Bonds and McGwire were unclean, while SamMe remained pure?
Level tres: Why would you even enhage your brain cells to even concoct such a scenario as he has today?
Level cuatro: ...and, then, write about it?

Look, Philly? For all of their faults, Bonds and McGwire somehow were made aware of the notion that when you say something that isn't true, under oath, that it is wrong, and bad. In some strange, pathetic way, both of them still have some semblance of a conscience.

Sosa has none. I don't know if he thinks he's exempt because he had to play catch with oranges when he was little, or if he thinks he has more to lose, both financially and spiritually, if he admits his guilt. But for Phil Rogers to actually think it was necessary today to publish the thought that Sosa is entitled to hold the single-season homer record, makes it crystal clear to me that Rogers lacks the intelligence necessary to hold a high-profile position as a sports authority. In other words, he's a fucking HACK, and get rid of his stupid ass NOW!!

DIE, Rogers, DIE!!! Ul-la-la-la-la-la-laaa!!!

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