1/27/2005 11:04:00 AM by Rob

Who would YOU do?

Gee, you all can't tell that I'm just bored shitless waiting for SamMe Sosa to get hisself traded.


h yeah, I guess I have always lived my life according to a simple, catchy acronym starting with the letter 'W', one that has done more for me than anything else in terms of shaping my moral fiber. It represents a phrase that keeps me grounded, and always points me to the golden rule.

WWYD - Who Would You Do?

Lindsay Lohan? Puhleeeze, go out on a limb, here. It isn't JUST anyone who would want to do an gorgeous 18-year-old party chick with inflated breastestsses, right?

No, WWYD helps you draw the line between yourself and the chap next to you. Take Chuckosan...please? Now, he would NOT do the Very long, Very lean Keira Knightley. Wants more meat on them bones, and while in principle, I agree, she represents one of the few truly underweight girls on my WWYD list, because she is just so damn pretty. That's just part of the line between myself and Chuck, besides his intense hatred for all things Corey and all things porcine.

Anyway, as Casey Kasem would say, ON TO THE COUNTDOWN: WWYD?


The redhead girl from "Grounded for life"? Yep, I'd do her.
The MOM from "Grounded for Life"? I'd do HER, too.
The mom from the Dr. Pepper commercial, who brings the cooler of goods to all the pre-pubescent boys in the park, with the wind blowing the tail of her blouse? I'd do her.
How about the girl in the other Dr. Pepper commercial, the one that makes her boyfriend buy her manhole covers, then she drags him to yoga, but when she tries to bogart his Doc, he freaks? Ohhh, I'd fuck her like an animal.
98% of beer commercials, I'd do them. Not just the Catfight girls or the Coors Light tweeeeeens, either. There's a Sam Adams commercial where these guys go to "ze House ov Beer" and this blond with a fake German accent hands them a leather-bound book with all the beers listed...oh yeah, I've been bad.
An 800 number for a directory assistance service has this "late-30ish" chick answering the phone, then she ends up in your back seat giving directions...I'd PULL that bitch right over. Yep yep.
The commercials for PetMeds...the blond who gets caught in the traffic jam driving to the vet, and her friend, who just ordered her petmeds over the phone. BOTH HOTT!! Dog style, indeed.
The Applebee's spot with the girl ordering the salad AND the fish AND dessert, and the faggot she's eating with bitching to himself that he isn't a bank...I'd stuff her.
I'd even do the girl in the herpes commercial that wants her "days" back. GREAT eyes!
But Anna Nicole Smith can go fuck HERSELF...guh!

ESPN's Cindy Brunson? Oh yeah, I'd do her.
Suzy Kolber? Of course.
Cara Capuano? Yep. Andrea Joyce? Sure.
Linda Cohn? Ohhhh.....ok. Yes. I'd do her. Especially if she used her "mom' voice on me.
Chris McAllister? NO. En-Oh. No. Sheesh. Get Skeletor the FUCK away from my partz.

Let's see, where was I? WWYD?

Anna Pornikova. Please. Duh.
Maria Sharapova? C'mon. Give me a tough one.
Martina Hingis. Oh, yeah. I'd do her, anyday.
Venus Williams? Sure. I do her.
Serena Williams? Man, that's SOME woman. She could probably tear my ribs away from my chest. I dunno. Ask me later.
Any of the other 25 or so Russian chicks with names like Dementieva and Smashova? Almost to a woman, yes. I'd do them.
Lindsay Davenport? Dunno. Don't think so.
Justine Henin? (see Chris McAllister)
Kim Clijsters? Love them thighs. Yep. I'd do her.

Movies, movies...
Nicole Kidman? On the oftchance that Tom Cruise could have possibly been inside her at one point, NO, I would NOT do her.
Julia Roberts? At this point, no. She JUST had twins.
Renee Zellwiger? Yep, I'd do her, skinny OR fat.

I mean, any one of us would stand in line for a chance at Jessica Biel, Tara Reid or Eliza Dushku, provided we could wear a rubber. (I mean it, Tara).
But what about people like Rachel Griffiths, the wife in "The Rookie"? You'd do her? Gee. So would I!!
Meet the Fockers: Teri Polo? No, I wouldn't.
Spanglish: Tea Leoni? Sure, I would. But I'd really really want to do the Mexican chica...ayy! Caramba!
Angelina Jolie? No-brainer, right? Uhhhh, not so fast, Sparky. I say no.
But I'd have no problem busting a cap on Hilary Swank.

I guess if you really care, submit your suggestions to me, and I'll touch upon them at a later date. For example, if you wanted to know Who I'd Do on "Degrassi, the Next Generation" (Ellie, Ashley, Paige of course, and even Manny), I'll fill you in.

Until then, any links you can find of Sabine, the Overstock.com girl, are greatly appreciated.

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