1/24/2005 03:39:00 PM by Rob

Things that joggle my mind, Part XVIII

The latest installment of the exploits of dumbasses that depress the Sloth and make him ashamed to be a white human

Please refer, if you can, to this link in today's Trib - subscription required. This is the story of one Joshua Horton, who became the father of quints while laid up in a military hospital, suffering from grave injuries.

You know, it isn't the fact that this man was a member of our armed forces, seemingly headed for Iraq and an uncertain future (as was the case), and he and his missus found it necessary to implant her womb with five fetuses (fetii?) when they ALREADY had two kids. They're Mormons, see, and I guess if I don't want them making fun of us just because our boss doesn't believe in birth control, we can't make fun of them if they want to bring 15 kids each into this rotten world.

No, if she wants to throw a litter, hey, knock yerself out.

What kills me today is the names they gave the little scrappers. Let's see, now:

The one that came home today, Porter, was it? NO, it's Portter.
How about his sisters, Cora and Caitlyn? No, add MORE letters, too: Caitlynn and Coira.
How about his surviving brother: Lachlan? WTF is a Lachlan?
His poor departed sister, was she named after one of our favorite streets, Addison? No, try Addyson.

So, except for the poor little thing that didn't make it, the other four kids are saddle with these dumfuck names, destined to catch hell from their kindergarten teacher. "No, CORA, you're spelling your own name wrong!! What's the matter with you, you dumbschit?"

So, tell me, who's the miserable, stupid, misguided shitstain who foisted these names on these poor little babies?

Maybe their mom, Tuanacy? WTlivingF? Is this supposed to be "truancy"? Were her parents always skipping school? Must have been, for these fuckers sure as shit can't spell.

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