12/08/2004 08:48:00 AM by Rob

Nomar is in the fold

And, in a totally unexpected move, Hendry went out and got the better of the Maddux caddies, replacing the rancid Paul Bako with the passable Henry Blanco.

In the meantime, Alou, Grud, and Mercker, a/k/a Death, Famine, and Pestilence, have been cut loose to berate umpires, coaches, and broadcasters in the Bay area, Florida, and the Beltway.

Once again, Hendry is doing his best to address the previous year's glaring need: in this case, airing out a toxic clubhouse. Walker will play second and leadoff, Nomar will play short and bat second, Lee should bat third, Ramirez fourth with Patterson and Barrett seventh and eighth.

Todd Hollandsworth is being brought back, which is good if he is healthy, because I have never, ever seen a better pinch hitter. But he is NOT the everyday outfield answer. He is the white Glenallen Hill. Love him, cheer him, buy him drinks, just don't let him start every day for you, or he'll fuck you, and not in a good way by any means.

One key to the season, though, is whether they can develop a closer, because unless they can drug the Milwaukee front office and kidnap Dan Kolb, we're not getting one from the outside. The other key is what they choose to do about the other outfield spot, and what to do with the selfish, sullen, spoiled, shrunken, shitty Sammy Sosa. Say THAT five times fast.

If they end up with Carlos Beltran, well, you bat HIM third, move Lee to fifth, and bat Sosa sixth and sit back and watch the turnstiles spin. If they decide to give the job to Jason Dubois, which I absolutely CANNOT imagine, then they bat him seventh, behind Sosa and Patterson. They may also decide to sign a mid-level J. D. Drew-esque figure, in which case they then have a quandry as to which one, Proto-Drew or Sosa, bats fifth or sixth, and which plays left and which plays right.

My opinion? The "other guy" takes care of himself. I'd like Beltran, yes, oh yes, but I would defer to the wisdom of the organization at this point.

As for Sosa, the true key to the year, I would just tell him to try to play like he did back in his 30/30 days, just try to meet the ball, and remind him that after he waived his no-trade and his 2006 trade kicker, even after that, NOBODY wanted his ass, so shut up and play ball, or go home, pout, and sit out a year's paid suspension.

Go sell your crazy somewhere else, Gladiator.

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