12/13/2004 10:46:00 AM by Rob

The Closer Conundrum

Sounds like the 2005 Cub closer is going to come down to a battle royale between JoeBlow and Dumpster, with Hawkins in the background as the emergency closer in case of emergency. All three Chicago papers doth quoteth Lord Jim Hendry and his medieval haircut with precisely this scenario.

Well, not precisely. He also mentioned Farnsworth, as if he could refrain from shitting down his leg if he ever had to throw pitches in the last inning.

I know you all lost sleep waiting to hear what I, the Sloth, think of this. Not surprisingly, considering the lack of venom lately, I think this is as good of an idea as any. I think the past year has proven that closing is more of a state of mind than physical prowess.

Sure, it helps when you can throw a Bruce Sutter-type forkball or a Billy Wagner laser. BUT, which relief pitcher in the bigs threw more pitches over 100 mph, according to STATS, Inc? Wagner? Get real...it was Cap'n Tightpants! But can he get them over the plate in the ninth inning? Shit, you're lucky if you can get him through the EIGHTH without fucking things up.

No, Kyle Farns #44 was BORN to pitch the seventh. Maybe, when he grows up and his testosterone levels finally start to wane, he might have enough on the ball to pitch the eighth. Now, Hawkins has a smidge more control over his psychological urges, in that he has no problem with the eighth.

See, we COULD really have something here...the chance to win a BUNCH of six-inning games. Farns does the 7th, Hawkins the 8th, and the Closer Du Jour the ninth. And since we have probably the best starting staff in the whole barnyard, this could be a great strategic advantage next year.

We could probably even carry Sosa's unproductive ass for one more year, if need be. Not that we'll have much say in the matter.

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