It started out as a Cub blog with cuss words. I'm still cussin'; it's the Cub part I'm a little squishy on these days.

The Sloth is not intended for younger or sensitive readers!

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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Wednesday, December 15

And now, a message from the Red States

I am more or less taking dictation from Dale, a friend of my Uncle's, who is also named Dale, down South.

How-dee!! This is Dale, and ah'm usually a Cardinal fan in baseball, but to be honest whichyoo, baseball comes in way down on mah book, below first my beloved Vols, not that I went to school there, and below my high school football on fridays, not that I went to school there, either, and below them Titans, what was once the Oilers. Oh yeah, and NASCAR. Can't forget them boys, and Junior especially.

So baseball is like, fourth.

Well, but yew wanted to talk about them Cubs, and how they can trade away that Sammy Sosa. Yeah, we've heard all about that big old turdburglar, and honestly, I don't know what you want with a colored boy like him, anyhow. Sometimes when I hear you crackers all teared up about losing a ni**er like him, I just want to laugh, so that the sody pop shoots out my nose.

But I also hear talk about trading that there Kyle Farnsworth, who's just a good old boy like us, and sometimes I wonder if them boys up in Chicago know which way to pull up their underwears. I mean, they show that radar gun on the screen on them WGN games, and you all can see that he's throwin' a hunner-a-two miles per hour, that's smoke, mister.

If Kyle's having trouble, it's 'cause of them boogies he's been playin' under the past few years. First it was that Baylor fella, and everone knows Baylor sucks. They get beat 72-to-zip ever Saturday in football. Then its that Baker boy, and everone knows that nigras aren't smart enough to manage!

I mean, you ever seen one managing a bank, or a supermarket? Hell naw, all you ever seem them boys runnin' is maybe a mechanic shop or maybe a farm crew. Real dirty, low class jobs. Hell, if they're so damn tough, hows come you never see one on a Harley? No, sir, you don't ever see that!!

I'm always havin' an argument with my cousin Billy up in Alsip, and he says ni**ers are tougher than sp**ks, and to prove it, him and his friends keep running onto the field and attacking them mexican first base coaches and umpires.

Anyway, you (meaning ME, the Sloth) wanna trade both Sosa AND Farnsworth, and I think you're making a terrible mistake there by giving up on a strong hoss like Kyle.

Anyway, your uncle said you might have a few bucks you could lend me, and I was thinking...