9/07/2004 11:23:00 AM by Rob

Reprise "Amish in the City"

Mariam Ruth

Yes, Carlos Zambrano's Dad, Mike D., and Chuck, if Ruth & Mariam were lounging on their towels on Oak Street Beach on a given Tuesday, they wouldn't even get out of the quarterfinal heats.

Here's the thing. Most guys believe sexual gratification is a function of beauty. That isn't quite correct. Sure, if your partner is beautiful, that may represent the fact that she is as a result unattainable, and if you are fortunate enough to couple with a beautiful girl, you are experiencing something that most people wouldn't.

But, I mean, Jenna Jameson is certainly gorgeous. But if you slept with her, exactly what are you doing that many thousands have done before you?

My last ex-wife was bludgeoned with the Ugly Stik, but I figured out that the kick was, that with her nun-like looks and attitude, NOBODY was going to get it from her, and I was...

So what's my thing with these two? They're AMISH, for cripes' sake!! How cool would that be, to fuck around with members of this throwback race of people...imagine the mindfuck of getting through with a girl of the closed society. When you pass them in their buggies, do you ever wonder what they got packin' underneath their simple garb?

No?

You sure?

Oh well, guess it's just me...me, the pervs at UPN, and some other dudes who watch the show every week.

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