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Bruce, we gave you tha keys, and THIS is what you brought home?

¿Dónde está mi dinero, las rameras?

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Tuesday, September 7

He isn't bleedin' Cubbie blue yet

But, I suspect that by the end of the month, Ben Grieve will.

Alou 33, DLee 29, Sosa 29, Ramirez 29, Patterson 19, Walker 15, Barrett 14, Garciaparra (combined) 9, Grieve (combined) 7, Bako 1.

If Ben Grieve can step it up a little this month, we can end up with 9 guys with double-digit homers for the year. That's a lot of 4-ply jacks, and like it or not, that's your offense. If Garciaparra, Lee, or Patterson get on, one of the other guys might let him jog home. If the homers come, fine. Else, we aren't scoring, and the only way we can possibly win will be to outlast them shutout style, like the 11-inning affair last week.

Our offense is one-dimensional, our bullpen sucks cock, Mark Prior is not right and Dusty Baker may or may not sleep through games.

But, after all of that, the day after labor day, we are in the wild card lead. The Giants, our current closest competition, may overtake us, but they may also overtake the Dodgers and win their division. The Padres from the West are also in the picture, as are the AssTrolls and Fish.

The Dodgers, Giants and Padres all play each other a lot, which works in our favor.

The AssTrolls have won 10 in a row to get here right now. They're due to lose now. Watch them sink like a rock.

The Fish would scare me to death, except for the fact that they now have to play 30 in 27. That's a LOT of doubleheaders, Willis has been ordinary, Penny is now a hurt Dodger, Burnett is still floundering around, and he did last year, he pretty much jacked the dog all regular season. If he can flip the switch again...well, we will see.

Out of all the teams in MLB, the team we love may be best suited for the type of crisis we face: 28 games in 27 days. We have six guys that are legit starters, and super guys from the minors in a pinch.

After all the highs and lows this year, we are in position for something major. It may be a major letdown, or it may be a major triumph. I would have preferred it was WE who are 15 games up on the division. But, barring that, if you like your sports exciting, this next September has more promise than any September in the last 40 years.

Sit down, strap in, shut up, and ride.