9/22/2004 11:14:00 AM by Rob

Dumpster as closer?

Co-worker Vinco just left my humble cubicle.

Wanted to tell me what bugs him so much about LaTroy Hawkins. He can't stand him because he's one of them Gary, Indiana n****rs. See, Vinco lives in Highland, and has probably experienced hubcap swiping, hit-and-running, or worse at the hands of Gary, Indiana n****rs.

Not really, what bugs Vinco is that, in his words, "...he doesn't seem like he gives a shit what happens. He just throws the ball over the plate, and says 'here it is, go ahead and hit it, if you can.' And they do!"

Well, there's at least one flaw in Vinco's logic, namely, if Hawkins could have managed to throw one more strike to Rob Mackowiak last night, he wouldn't have walked nor scored three batters later. Another flaw is that he certainly DOES give a shit.

He made it very clear from jump street that, even though he was making three times the money Reg'lar Joe was making, that he was NOT the closer. Reg'lar Joe would do the heavy lifting, and he himself would handle the eighth.

In one of the biggest chicken-shit moves ever, almost immediately upon being annointed the closer in June, he calls a press conference to announce that he will not talk to the media anymore.

He is now 2 for 9 in one-run saves. 7 saves, blown, just of the one-run variety. That does not count tie games, two run saves, etc...he HAS five wins, and we all know that the easiest way for him to get a win is to blow a save, only to the point that the score is tied, and then allow the offense to bail his skinny ass out.

He has cost us several games this year. Of course, most closers not named Gagne do. He hasn't done a miserable job.

He's not sMel Rojas bad. Not Dave Smith bad. Not Billy Koch bad. Certainly not Kyle Farns #44 bad.

But in the end of September, and the month of October, you don't want someone whose fragile psyche is held together by old chewing gum closing out your close games.

Ryan Dumpster went out there and mowed them down in the tenth with all the drama of someone brushing his teeth.

I'd throw him out there again, today. We need to know, now.

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