7/26/2004 03:48:00 PM by Rob

• He overcame a hellacious childhood, complete with teenage mother and abusive step-father
• He has always been ultra-competitive, Jordan-competitive
• He did beat cancer.  Don't know how truly life-threatening, have heard all types of opinions from completely (his story) to not-so-bad (other cancer patients).
• He has won the Tour de France six times, which is a lot of hard-core bike riding
• Fucks Sheryl Crow.
• Any American that has a chance to rub French noses in ze shit is fine by me.

Now, points against him

• From what I understand about bike racing, his schedule and training habits can be compared to if Tiger Woods only played The Masters, or if Andre Agassi only played the U.S. Open.  There are many other racers who compete and win all the other circuits.
• The Tour de France is only one of dozens of grueling bike races, but it's the only one we know about, because Greg LeMond won 3 times, and Armstrong 6.  We would all of a sudden embrace tiddly-winks as a competitive entity if Americans were the best wink tiddlers.
• Most of the other competitors in his sport hate his everloving guts, including some of his closest former friends, and all fingers seem to point to him abusing the system, a point that he doesn't just come right out and deny.  Look, you can say "I don't do it".  It isn't that hard, if it's the truth.  Or, you can do the Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, or Lance Armstrong thing, and come up with a "There is no proof that I do it.  Do you have proof?"  Look, the question "Do you do drugs?" is a STRAIGHT question that requires a STRAIGHT answer.  Even at that, Bonds and Jones are not as reviled in their professions as Armstrong is in his.  So that tells me that not only is he a cheat, but an ass-clown to boot.
• From all accounts, Lance Armstrong was and is a despicably miserable husband and father, suffering from the most cliched of all maladies, "leaving his old life behind as he embraces fame".  That, alone, ruins him in my eyes. 

Lance Armstrong is NO American Hero in my eyes, he is NOT one of the greatest athletes ever, and I don't give a rat fuck about him.  He's just another guy, like Michael Jordan, who is ultra-competitive, works his ass off, may or may not cheat for their advantage, eats publicity like it was cornflakes, shits on his family and friends and can't wait to rub his dick all over the rich and powerful.

Go crawl back in your hole, bike shorts boy.