7/30/2004 02:08:00 PM by Rob

Amish in the City on UPN

If it appears that I am purposely avoiding blogging about the ol' bread-n-butter, The Chicago National League Ballclub, you're right. I honestly don't know WHAT to make of them right now. My heart is telling me that we look good, but my gut is still aching about the lack of offense and a closer. I really, really hope that at 4 bells tomorrow, I'm not bitching and moaning about Jim Hendry losing his cell-phone up his ass.

What I really like for you to see tonight is Amish in the City on the U. I loathe reality shows, and I'm not sure that this isn't the worst of the bunch.



All of you know about the Amish, how they don't do modern conveniences, electricity, cars, rock music, etc. Most people's reaction to them ranges anywhere from mild bemusement to ridicule. They don't do deodorant, the whole "beard with no mustache" looks as bad on them as it does on Matt Clement. Lately, since they don't believe in wars, armies, or service for their country, they have been set up as unpatriotic and unAmerican by the most hardcore right of Righties, because to be "American", you MUST believe in Bush's War, right? Right.

Like it's even cool to kick around the Amish.

My wife and I have a soft spot in our hearts for the most gentle of creatures: animals, small people, old people, special people, and those who otherwise abhor violence. The Amish fall into that category. They live by the code of Ordnung, which is basically a "surrender to God". As Weird Al Yankovic said in his parody "Amish Paradise": ...an Amish with a 'tude...that's quite unheard of.

Absolutely true. We all revel in our individuality. Part of their "surrender" entails that they do NOT EVER draw attention to themselves, because to stand out would suggest that they might be trying to put themselves above God. So they wear the most drab of clothes, no makeup, don't yell, shout, or shake it all about.

Except, and it's funny to note that most Amish kids dread the opportunity, rather than embrace it, they get to cut loose in their late adolescence in the rite of "rumspringa", which for some reason always brings to my mind a mojito every time I hear it. These kids "leave the Amish" for some indeterminate period of time, and decide whether the Amish life is better, or the other-worldly life we all enjoy.

The UPN show has a few of these late-teens moving in with a bunch of overgrown fetuses, including the vegan waitress who constantly moans about the poisonous curse of the carnivores, a Hollywood "party promoter", and a ghetto chick whose boyfriend just got shot in a drive-by.

In conclusion: 1) I truly hope the humility and simple dignity rubs off of the Amish onto the other street vermin, and not the other way around.
2) (and, you'll have to go to the site to see, since I have futilely tried to post their pictures) Once the Amish chicks got some makeup...they're HOTT!! Guess simple living does a body good.

I mean, they ain't Smokin' Hott. But most of you'd have no problem making you some more little Amish, right here, right now.

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