5/21/2004 01:06:00 PM by Rob

Trying to get back into the swing of things

As previously mentioned in this fine blog, I do suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and have been treated in the past for depression, panic disorder and other various psychoses. I usually have four-to-five day episodes of wildly spinning thoughts, pounding heart, sweats, delirium, etc.

During these times, I tend to feel a little better if the Cubs manage to win that day. If it happens in the winter, well, I just feverishly scour the internet, looking for any Cub news that I can twist to serve my purpose.

There are other things that occupy my mind, besides my lack of confidence in my ability to carry on healthy relationships with my loved ones. There is, of course, World War III, and there are babes.

Last week, it was all about WWIII, and it didn't go over so well. It got you buzzing.

This week, spurred on by Joe and Dave from the bleachers, who both submitted their version of the "fantastic five", I'll update mine, as I do from time to time.

You know, the supposed "all majestic" list of the five members of the opposite sex that you and your significant other are supposed to discuss, that in the infitesmal probability that one of these people knocked on your front door, and begged you to run off to Fiji with them, you can go, no questions asked. I actually know quite a few people who do this, although I never have. I don't think Wendy would think much of the concept. I know I'd probably make myself violently ill to find out SHE had such a list. Who knows...maybe we should.

You gotta have a few obvious entries, one really young girl that makes you feel guilty just thinking about it, and one left-field entry that you'd never guess, but maybe I make you think about it for a second.

So, without further eloquence:

The UNCOUTH SLOTH'S All-Majestic Fantastic Five



Elisha Cuthbert - thanx primenova

As previously mentioned, it's been a pleasure watching this one grow from Nickelodeon campfire girl to a pornstar in "Girl Next Door". Of course, we all know her from "24", which I have only watched once, saw her, and thought "Good fucking Lord, who...is...that!?!" Found out, pulled up her bio, found the link between "Are You Afraid of the Dark" and the present day...


Jessica Biel - thankx primenova

Only one reason ever to rent the latest incarnation of "Chainsaw Massacre", or to ever sit through "Summer Catch", to see Jessica in a tank top and daisy dukes. The Best Body on TV, flat out. Of course, she's not that pretty, and anyone's who has ever had to sit through "7th Heaven", even that killer body can't keep you from trying to claw your eyes out with her bad acting.


Jessica Alba - thanx adored celebrities

The current Babe Du Jour, everyone from Eminem to Andre 3000 wants to marry Jessica Alba. I imagine Beyonce fills the same niche for a number of guys, and who am I to argue? But, "Honey" really, really sucked, but I can't say I have ever seen anyone else hotter in a movie role. Wear that wife-beater anywhere you want, young lady. Muy bonita!


Lindsay Lohan - thanx, Desipio

Yep, the moratorium is still in order for this almost-18-year-old. The journey from the too-cute-for-words redhead doing double duty in "The Parent Trap" to major street-legal babe is almost complete, then we can talk more about what Lindsay Lohan and "double duty" means to me.


Laura Prepon - thanx, famousbabes

Finally, the Sloth's wild card. Very few shows I actually watch regularly, and "That 70's Show" is one of the few. Tomboy? Yeah. Actually, Jersey grrl, which is pretty much the same thing. I love TALL redheads, I love the voice, the tight-fitting low-slung bell-bottoms, her wide, juicy lips....in the last episode, Eric leaves her at the altar. For that, we quote Eric's dad on the show, "Eric, once again, let me tell you that you...are...a dumbass!" Mincing little bastard. You wouldn't know what to do with Laura Prepon...a real wo-man!

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