4/05/2004 08:43:00 PM by Tommy

Writers, and their cheapass words

Yeah, 7-4 is nice. Kerry was pumped. Too pumped, it seemed. I didn't think too much of how deep into counts he was working...I mean, this is the hardest working strikeout pitcher in baseball. But still, let's get this guy a fluffer, or something. Keep the man calm. Get somebody to do for him what the baseball world already does for Sammy "berry gud" Sosa.

Can I talk about something for just a second?

To you sportswriters: I realize that it's an easy 20-30 words and an inch or so of newspaper column for you to work in the "5 Outs Away Implosion" of last fall. But you don't have to work it into every single Cubs story of the year. We know already. Some of us saw Dusty, Bartman, the Moistest Alou and Alex "Iron Glove" Gonzales in our sleep for the longest time. We're well aware of the outcome of things last fall.

I just don't want too look in the sports briefs in June, to see that the Cubs eked one out over the Brewers, to have it read:

Cubs 19, Brewers 17

The Cubs, only five outs from their first World Series appearance since 1945, imploding against the Marlins in the NLCS last fall, edged out the Brewers in a slugfest....

or, when Sammy gets arrested for abusing some manner of mind control device, or cuteness drug, which is the secret behind his having snowed so many people into thinking he's the greatest thing since a regular bowel movement:

Cubs Slugger arrest for abusing Huginol

Sammy Sosa, slugging right-fielder for the Chicago Cubs, who were only five outs from their first World Series appearance since 1945, before imploding against the Florida Marlins in the NLCS last season, was arrested on charges of purchasing Huginol, a cuteness and hugability enhancing drug which was recently also found in the homes of TV talkshow host Kelly Ripa and the Olsen twins....

Or:

Braves Manager arrested for kicking wheelchair of child

Longtime Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox was charged with misdemeanor assault Tuesday, after kicking the wheelchair of a child visiting Turner Field, venting his frustration after losing 3-2 to Kerry Wood and the Chicago Cubs, who were only five outs from their first World Series appearance since 1945 before imploding against the Florida Marlins last season.

Or:

Pope Says No to Sports on Sunday

....the Pontiff reminded Catholics that Sundays are meant to be kept holy...not to be spent at Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs, who were only five outs from their first World Series appearance since 1945, when they imploded last season against the Florida Marlins in the NLCS.

It's just cheap, and some of you writers are better than that.

(I'm not talking to you, Jayson Stark. We all know you're not better than that.)

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