4/12/2004 10:57:00 AM by Rob

I misses me some KennyLofton, too

And, I saw his pouty puss on the bench as Bubba Crosby single-handedly beat the White Sux yesterday, so maybe he'd like to come back for some more.

Anyway, first of all, take the family to Universal Studios. Opt for a shorter stay, and spend the money to stay on-site, so you can use your room key to saunter right to the front of the lines. Because we did it the old-fashioned way, and it sucked to stand in line. There was stuff I wanted to see again and again.

Second of all, that Big Stupid Tommy, I don't care WHO you are, he's just funny. Many, many flowery thanks go to him for his benevolence in keeping you all entertained while I stood in line behind British guys wearing cheap-assed soccer shirts. For all of you who are satisfied with wearing less than authentic game jerseys, life's too short, man. Spend the xtra bucks, and go with something that doesn't look like it came from a bottom of a box of Frosted Flakes.

Thanks also goes to the Sonic Drive-In corporation, for inventing the Ocean Water, the Cherry Limeade, and the Frito Pie. Dear Lord, we thank Thee for the nourishment You provide us.

Third, and lastly before I start picking apart the Cub effort this week, if you are still bitching (yes, I mean YOU, Glen Kozlowski of WGN) about Candace Parker winning the McDonald's All-American Slam Dunk contest, did you watch it? Really? Basically, the set-up is real simple: complete three dunks. Parker did, and the rest of the contestants (all male) about tore themselves in half attempting double-pump-between-the-legs-windmill-sidewinding-360's, and didn't even complete TWO dunks. Idiots.

Anyway, Wood looks spectacular, Maddux pitched well, as did Z, and Meat Tray had a solid effort. As for Clement, he keeps trending downwards, kids, and I wonder if and when Prior finally decides to sack up and pitch, if it wouldn't be cool to see what you could get for Clement. I'm not saying that Meat Tray should stay in there after one outing. I'm saying that there might be one drooling idiot that thinks that Clement is good. I'm sure Hendry spends a portion of every day trying to find said idiot.

As for the offense, it looks stinky, but since we have to trot a catcher out there every day, and Gonzalez, that's two strikes right there, and when Sammy isn't hot, in his customary place in the middle of it all, then you look bad. You just hope that he turns it on real soon, I guess.

But today is Opening Day, Happy Greg Maddux Day, and welcome back in the park, Lloyd McClendon and the Pyre-etts. Last time you were here, we had a big ole shindig. Thanks for rolling over and letting us whip you like a dead ole dog. We beseech thee for more of the same today, alleluia, amen.

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