3/03/2004 09:44:00 AM by Rob

That seemed to work better, and I still hate Sammy

Looks like Martina Hingis does more for you all than Monica Sweetheart. Maybe so, there's less STD risk there. So, free of charge, Paige Davis, y'all:



Do I beat it to "Trading Spaces"? No. First off, power tools make me limp. It reminds me of work. Second, the other designers, like the old goof who I can't decide is rip-roaring gay or not, cut into my buzz. Well, except for the little dikey carpenter in the short shorts, Amy Wynn. She might be some sort of lesbian fantasy, but it works 4 me, too.

Anyhoo...seems like the biggest news in Cubland today is Sammy's assistant/bobo/asslicker Julian. MLB rules now state that syncophants like Julian can't hang anymore. (I am NOT going to use his last name, out of complete disrespect of his position). Of course, what he represents to SamMe is POWER, a symbol of Sosa's exalted position over the rest of us mere humans, just like Hamburger James was for Elvis.

James was reported to be this moron who Elvis paid to hang around and perform ANY task Elvis wanted. Why? Because he could. Elvis wanted hamburgers from a particular diner X in Denver. "James, go get me some X burgers." They're both sitting in Memphis. Well, James would hop a plane, fly to Denver, pick up the X burgers, and bring them back. Reportedly, there were times when the King was feeling a bit saucy, and he decided that he was too good to wipe his own ass. "James!" And yep, James would wipe ass. He had to. He was a completely kept man, and Elvis got off on it.

Just like Sammy gets off on having Julian around.

Why is this such a big deal?

Well, as we all know, this is as close as we have EVER come to winning anything major on the North Side. I, as well as all of you, everybody in Chicago, and everybody in the media, want NOTHING, absolutely nothing to screw this up. We all want to see 25 guys rowing at once. Team, team, team. Four passes before we shoot. TEAM. Nobody is above the team. That is the way championships are won, dammit, as a team. We want nothing to screw up the team concept.

And we all think that Julian is something that is going to crack the fragile team concept.

What's my take? You all know I hate the prick! We should have traded him for Soriano when we had the chance. We should have let him go to Nueva York when he wanted to go. Hell, I think we should have just let Boston keep him in 1995, when they signed him as a free agent, before some of the post-strike goofiness nullified that deal. I agree 100% with anyone who thinks that the Total Team Concept is the way to go, if for no other reason than that I personally find it MORE entertaining than the "Gladys Knight and the Pips" concept of one big star and a supporting cast. Who the fuck wants to be a Pip?

Buuuuuuuut....for those of you who wanted him...those of you who can't bear an offense without him...for those of you who lick his fat, swampy ass. You got him, Sam-Me is here buddy, he's ours buddy, and IF you want the most out of him buddy, you gotta do it HIS way, buddy.

They're a package deal. Everyone else is going to have to cope.

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