3/24/2004 01:49:00 PM by Rob

The opening day matchup just announced!

Kerry Wood v. Cory Lidle!!

Have your pencils and scorecards ready!

My apologies for those of you who missed out on the delectable and shiny Jessica Alba yesterday, still #1 on the Sloth All-Majestic List until further notice, or whenever Amanda Bynes becomes street-legal.

Mark Prior is officially on the DL, a rumor that only took about 8 days or so to come to fruition. God help us if Marky Mark ever has a 'regularity' problem. A hushed city, as well as the three major papers, will sit on the edge of its seat until Mark goes "boom-boom".

That's a #2 for those of you who don't speak Toddler.

This has to be THE most fanfare for what may amount to only ONE missed start since Sandy Koufax decided it was better to atone than to pitch. Hell, his arm was probably killing him. The Jewish holiday was probably just a convenient excuse to shut it down for a week.

Which, BTW, at the risk of raising the ire of IvyChat Chuck, the Israelis? You gotta admit, they give as good as they get. THEY can fly a chopper overhead and hit a man right in the scrote with a missle, but WE lay waste to two entire countries, find one guy only after nine months, and the other guy still is driving a cab after 2 1/2 years?

Focus. Focus!! We as Americans lack focus. Nah, we'd rather blow things up, tear things down, and run through warehouses full of inventory. The Israelis, they deal only with the task at hand, with what, 1% of the resources we have? Makes you wonder, though, why Arafat is still out there chewing hummus? You know?

Anyway, the big matchup...Lidle vs. Wood. I can tell you already who is going to be leading the league in homers and RBI after one game: Dee Lee! All Wood has to do is get the damn ball over the plate, because he will enjoy supreme run support on the Fifth.

UPDATE: Sergio Meat Tray, in his big chance to slip into the rotation vacancy left by the unstretched Mark Prior, is living up to his name by serving it up hot to the Angels. 5-1 Halo's, bottom of 3rd.

---