3/12/2004 09:34:00 AM by Rob

Making me look real dumb

Juan,

Juanny baby, how come you keep making me look so bad?

And, what's probably more important, how come you can't come up and pitch well when you need to? You kill in the minors, you kill in Winter league, but when its go-time, you choke worse than some slut on cumslurpers.com.

This isn't just one outing, either. Given a shot in 2002, you racked 'em up for one win to go against your 10 losses. Your ERA was ok, and we all saw how you were victimized game after game by shoddy defense and pathetic run support. But you know what? Woody had to deal with the same shit, and he came away with wins.

Last year, when the Big Blue Train was rollin' along, you could have come along for the ride. But every time we sent you in there, you just walked guys and passed out apple jacks like you were wearing an apron on Saturday morning at Sam's club.

I'm sitting here defending you, stroking you, coddling you, telling everyone that I see the inner Maddux in you, calling you Pedro Junior, and you go out and get four outs to go along with your eight runs earned.

Juan Cruz, if you aren't going to pitch for US, then dammit, suck it up and show us something so we can get something more for you in trade besides a bucket of lukewarm spit! Maybe you need to go to Montreal or Pittsburgh, to pitch in front of nobody, so who gives a ratfuck what you do? Maybe you need to go there, like Pedro did, to start up your career, to learn how to pitch in front of 40,000 blue seats. Then, after you pile up your 11-15 record, your 2.80 ERA, in front of the beer vendors, you can cash in with the Steingrabber or Bill James.

Then I'll have to hear all the moaning about how come you couldn't do that for US?

C'mon, Juan, suck it up. Otherwise, you're gonna lose your only friend in this here army.

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