3/16/2004 02:36:00 PM by Rob

Rock and a Hard Place

I'm gonna try to stick my toe in the waters of Politics again, because it's timely, because it seems to be the only thing you guys get excited about, and because I can post pictures of a babe

Today is Primary Day in Illinois, and in true Fascist fashion, I can go pick up a Democratic ballot and vote for Kerry, or a Republican one and vote for Bush. Or, since I am now over 35, I can write myself in. Honest to God, I feel like I'm trapped in the middle of a George Orwell novel, here in Dubya's America. Free speech is less free than it was, we are losing soldiers in a steady stream everyday, all because of Halliburton contracts, I am absolutely fucking pukesick every time Bush wraps himself in the 9/11 cloak, as if that makes every mistake alright, and I do NOT feel better off financially than I did 4 years ago.

But Jeez, John Kerry? Check his basset-hound looking ass. Do you want to look at that now for the next four to eight years?

OBVIOUSLY, most of you do, because we in Illinois are getting the sloppy seconds. Others of you got to vote for Edwards, Dean, Clark, what have you. I would have liked to vote for Edwards. Still can, I guess, or I can just skip the booth and go wipe my ass with the ballot. But the rest of the nation sees something in Kerry.

Maybe we all just REALLY love basset hounds.

The real race in Illinoize is for Senator, which is certainly important, too. Of course, both parties have ended up dragging their races in the gutter. Both front-runners are divorced men, and on one hand, Democrat Blair Hull is just taking it up his pooper for what he supposedly said to his gold-digging 2nd ex. Don't feel sorry for him, though, because this was their second marriage to each other, within a year, and whatever made him think that 11 months apart was enough for both of them to get their shit straight...well, I know what made him think that.

Blair Hull's staff.

Hull has since lost his poll position to some Black suckup with a weird name. Since this IS a Democratic state, I'm sure he'll be a fine Senator, who will bed down with far fewer fictators than Carol Moseley-Braun.

The Republican frontrunner, Jack Ryan, not only is saddled with a fake name, but was once married to her:



That's right, ol' Seven of Nine herself, Jeri Ryan. What does it take to lose a sweet piece like this? Don't know, and we'll never know, because Jack refuses to unseal the documents, saying that it will harm their 9-year-old son.

Dogshit. What's gonna hurt their kid, who now lives in California with Jeri AND her new husband, a former Star Trek producer....?

It doesn't take Dr. Phil, Dr. Joyce or even Dr. Demento to do the math in this case: seems that Jeri was gettin' herself some on the bridge of the USS Enterprise, probably for a leg up in the biz, pun intended. She was a bit character whose role was expanded, and it wasn't for her stellar acting. Jack found out about it, probably slapped the shit out of her, and now having seen the shit-tsunami Blair Hull is dealing with because he merely blocked HIS wife from kicking him in the head, isn't gonna let a herd of wild horses pull HIS file out of the drawer.

I gotta go to the poll later, and put my two cents in, because I believe that if you don't vote, then you have no right to bitch about the way things turn out. And I ALWAYS reserve my right to bitch.

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