3/04/2004 09:32:00 AM by Rob

Sticks and stones

If you do NOT live in Chicago, then you are lucky, very lucky indeed.

First of all, you don't have to deal with Sux fans. OMG. As Jeff Foxworthy may say, "If your mom's cell number has nothing whatsoever to do with a PHONE, you might be a Sux fan." I was going to write today's post about the differences between Cubs fans and Sux fans, but something hotter came up, and besides, I'm not what you would exactly call PROUD over most so-called Cub fans. It can truly be summed up in one compound sentence: Cub fans love their stadium, their team, and bashing Sox fans, in that order; Sox fans love bashing the Cubs, bashing Cub fans, bashing their owner, and, oh yeah, there's the team, too. Insecure fuckmonkeys.

No, the real reason why you should feel grateful you live outside of the VHF transmitting area: Swear-Gate. The New Morality that is just squashing us has really caused Chicago to fucking lose its mind.

Seems that there have been several recent incidents where Chicago firemen have broadcast racial slurs over their two-ways. They are derrogatory terms for Blacks and Hispanics. The newspapers, radio, TV news media is all OVER that shit. Thusly, the Tribune today is featuring several big articles about the evils of swearing, trotting out dozens of anal-retentive Biblejockeys, preaching the kind of censorship that they HAD under STAAAALIN, as Annie said in "Field of Dreams".

Before I get into my treatise about swearing, let me just fill you in on Chicago firemen. This is going to sound like I got the Wide Paintbrush out today, but I am coming from an area of personal expertise, having closely known several actual Chicago firemen, and actually spending time at the Fire Academy in the far South Loop.

Many Chicago firemen are Irish, have historically been, although more Blacks and Hispanics are filling in all the time. The Irish see that as a threat to their livelihood. That's what they've told me. They've also told me, half kidding, that the reason why so many Irish have served in that profession is because "they're too dumb to be scared." Another great South Side Irish Catholic line is "In an Irish family, if a son is smart, he goes into the law. If he's tough, he's either a cop or a fireman. If he's neither, he could be a priest."

Once again, I am NOT making any of this up. Not one word. Why in fuck's name would I make any of this up, and open myself up to a shit-tsunami? Also, just for the record, my mom's maiden name is Fitzpatrick.

The point is, many of these guys (not all of them) are a beer short of a six-pack, and would think it's their God-given birthright to use the N-word on the radio. This phenomenom is NOT new...has gone on forever. It's just become a story after the post-Janets-tit-Morality has started sweeping the nation.

Now, do I think it's PROPER to call Black people N's? Particularly in the context of the first couple of calls in question: "Oh, there's no emergency. Those N's are just carrying on." The last several incidents have been in protest, mocking the authority of the Fire Chief, the Mayor, and the civil groups protesting.

NO. That is harmful. Racial slurs are directly pointed at someone. If you're in a group of, say, ten people, chances are good one or two of you are Mexican. And if I say something about "spicks", well, you as the Mexican are going to be pissed off. And I might try to say "Oh, I don't mean YOU in particular. I mean all of you." And, that's bullshit!! You ARE part of that group, so I DO mean YOU! That's truly poison, and any of you have to admit that I don't toss around that kind of shit here.

Well, except for dwellers of the Arabic region. Which really isn't right, either.

Using the Lord's name in vain is wrong, too. The Ten Commandments, written by God, not man, say so. I unfortunately resort to that all the time, and if your name happens to be Jason, or something like that, and if that's the reason you don't come round here no more, then you gotta point. I should work on that. No lie. No more GD's.

However, I have also heard all the arguments against the harm behind the terms fuck shit piss ass dick cock tits so on and so on, and I will even defend the c-word, which in here is usually spelled keyunt and I gotta admit is a tough one for even me. Don't give me any of that "mysoginist" shit, because I'm just as likely to use "dick" or "cock" as anything, and does that mean I hate men?

People in "decent" society do not talk like that. Well, what defines "decent society"? Is your house really made of glass? Do you truly practice what you preach? Do you truly treat others as you would be treated? Do you stand around comdemning others for their lives, while you yourselves do worse? Every time, EVERY SINGLE TIME someone stands up "in the name of decency" to abhor swearing, in the end, turns up to be an adulterer, child abuser or neglector, crook, bigot, or some other type of hypocrite.

I am what I say I am. I do judge people who seem to do stupid shit, but know that if I do so, you can dig all the way to Chin Chin China, and you aren't gonna find that I did the same thing.

Some people have gone in the Tribune today and stated that "swearing is the worst thing you can do." Uh, no, that's just your little view of the world. In my view, being a pompous hypocrite is the worst thing you can be.

Sticks, and stones, and bigotry, and racism, and hate, and crime and violence MAY break my bones, but Fuck will never hurt me. OK? Mahalo.

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