2/11/2004 10:10:00 AM by Rob

OK, we get it. More night games!!!

Somewhere in Chicago, there's a dead horse whose skin and muscular tissue is starting to break apart, because its been beaten so much.

A week before the start of spring training, and you expect the Cubs to be front page news. And they are.

But not about the negotiations with Golf Boy. Not about whose gonna bat leadoff. Not about the Great Sammy Steroid batting down in the order to make room for those fleeter of foot and lesser of strikeout. Not about the whereabouts of Steve Bartman, and whether or not he took advantage of the timeshare condo on South Beach. Not even about what Mark Prior is eating for breakfast, or about whether the lithe and lissome Mrs. Sarah Wood has been successful in preventing her flame-throwing hubby from getting his annual debilitating case of the flu.

And no, they haven't found the Tribune-owned fleet of trucks on lease to the City.

No, it's the lights.

Andy McFail and the rest of the suits have decided, obviously, to pay homage to Da Mare and the "artsy" little special interest groups in the LakeView neighborhood, and as a result, the Cubs will be allowed to ramp up the number of night games they are allowed to have. In 2004, they will have 22 games, up from 18. Next year will be 26, and if the Cubs have shown themselves to be good neighbors, then in 2006 they will have 30, and doubtlessly at that point they will go back to the city and ask for more, etc. There is the issue of having a $1M emergency cleanup fund, a remote lot with a shuttle, blah blah. Common sense stuff.

My point is, all there has been the last three days, in the Tribune, SunTimes, Daily Herald, ESPN radio, the Score, Channels 2, 5, 7, 9, 32, even on fucking Telemundo, is how the Cubs are getting FOUR MORE NIGHT GAMES!!

People, this issue is SO 1988!!! Most of us over the age of consent realize that Wrigley was the last ballyard on Earth, other than a few scattered Junior High diamonds in Montana, to install lights. But they have been playing night games there now for over 15 YEARS!!!

15 years ago, the Internet was a cutesy little toy for government scientists, pimply role-playing gamers, and of course, the McHenry BBS, the seminal Lord of Pornlords. 15 years ago, CDs were in their infancy, and cost nearly 18 BUCKS!! (Ok, they still do). 15 years ago, Enron was a great little startup company. Dinosaurs still ruled the Earth, like Kirk Gibson, Andre Dawson, Rob Deer and Fred McGriff.

I don't understand why four extra night games a year is "newsworthy"? They play hundreds every year at 35th and the Dan Ryan. Who cares? Who are the four night games hurting? Is it going to cut down on the restaurant and bar business there? Is it going to discourage black-clad Dracula-wanna-be's from sipping lukewarm coffee ground paste while looking at spray-painted car parts in their favorite art gallery? Is it going to prevent some post-Yuppie-protobitch from being able to park her shitty foreign car close enough to her brownstone, so she can hear it when the alarm goes off at 6:30, 7:15, 8:35, 10:05, 12:35, etc?

Who cares? Who really fucking cares? Hell, if it means that my spastic-colon bitch ex-wife has trouble getting home from her fancy-ass Northside job four more times a year, that's just peachy fucking keen in my book. Hope she shits her drawers because she can't pull over. If you see her, someone feed the keyunt an ice-cream cone. She'll be the nun-looking frowning witch that smells like garlic farts.

---