2/23/2004 10:12:00 AM by Rob

Like comparing Boys to Men

I dunno which of you perverts is "Spangler", I have a pretty good idea, and the thought of you doing something horrible to yourself sounds pretty hott.

I figured it was a sure thing when you basically promised such self-abuse if the current Lords of the Mound could beat what the "Jenkins, Hands, Holtzman, & Pappas" law firm did. I didn't remember them being so great, I always considered that team to be offensively powered.

Thanks to Baseball Reference, we don't have to guess about such things, and NO, I'm not going to do any sum of squares regressions here. Two things are clear, though:

1) The 2004 staff CAN do it, and
2) Those old guys were fuckin' studs, man.

Let's look at the 2003 performance of the Justice Friends, shall we?

Clement 14-12 2 CGs, 201 Inn, 4.11 ERA
Mad Dog 16-11 1 CGs, 218 Inn, 3.96 ERA
SonOGod 18-6 3 CGs, 211 Inn, 2.43 ERA
Kid K 14-11 4 CGs, 211 Inn, 3.20 ERA
Zamboni 13-11 3 CGs, 214 Inn, 3.11 ERA

League ERA: 4.28

So all five men bested the league average ERA, and Prior, of course, was 1.8 runs below the league average. Fact is, the 1969 staff never performed like this. As Mike Price said to Destiny that one time, "ROLLL TIDE!! Can you feel it Rollin', baby?"

But, just for fuckin' yuks, let's look at 1969 thru 1971. Pappas wasn't around in 1969, so that's why I looked at the next two years, when he was.

1969

Jenkins 21-15 23 CGs, 311 Inn., 3.21

STOP...stop a minute. 23 motherfucking complete games and 311 innings? Yep, these were the four-man rotation days, for all you little leaguers out there. Now, you might have a clue as to why some of the old-timers have nothing but bad to say for the current athlete. Today, you don't hafta work as hard.

Anyway, back to the sports-a-roo:

1969

Jenkins 21-15 23 CGs, 311 Inn., 3.21
Hands 20-14 18 CGs, 300 Inn, 2.49
Holtzman 17-13 12 CGs, 261 Inn, 3.58
Selma 10-8 4 CGs, 168 Inn, 3.63
League ERA: 3.59

Little known fact, Bill Hands, not Jenkins, was The Man in 1969. He game up 8-tenths of a run less, pitched just as many innings and won 20 games. Note, though, that Holtzman was right at league average ERA, and Selma was a tad worse. Dick Selma? Another reason we didn't win.

1970
Jenkins 22-16 24 CGs 313 Inn, 3.39
Hands 18-15 12 CGs 265 Inn, 3.70
Holtzman 17-11 15 CGs 287 Inn, 3.38
Pappas 10-8 6 CGs, 144 Inn, 2.68
League ERA: 4.05

Pappas was a mid-season pickup, I believe. Hands peaked in 1969, Holtzman was trending upward, and Jenkins, who was always a stud hoss, was just about ready to explode!

1971
Jenkins 24-13 30 motherfucking CGs, 325 MFing Inn, 2.77 ERA
Hands 12-18 14 CGs, 242 Inn 3.42
Pappas 17-14 14 CGs, 261 Inn 3.51
Holtzman 9-15 9 CGs 195 Inn 4.48
League ERA: 3.47

I seem to recall Holtzman being hurt, but then again, maybe he was just being the pissy little bastard he is rumored to be, and he was soon traded to the Oakland A's, for a sack of flour, or Manny Trillo, or something.

It's apples and oranges, I'm afraid. It seems that in 1969 and 1971, there was a weak link, and probably 1970 was the actual Best time for these Cubs to have won something, if it wasn't due to some bad managing and worse luck.

For us, today, the weak link is a career .500 pitcher who has always had a reputation for "good stuff", but has been labelled as "hard to reach". If the combination of Rothschild, Pole, and Assistant Assistant Pitching Coach Maddux can somehow help Matt Clement get over the hump, then everyday is a picnic, and everynight is a Goddamn fiesta.

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